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Really bad derealisation

Hello eveyone

I have had a very hard time for about 3 months from derealisation and anxiety that I got from exam stress but I can't help but think I have a problem with my heart. I get strong heart beats, flutters and tightness and occasional chest pain and despite constant reassurance from doctors that it is absolutely fine I still think it isn't in good shape. I am scared to go out for jogs because of my fear and the one time I went the gym to get my mind clear my heart was pounding but im still unsure if thats due to me worrying about it in the back of my mind. My derealisation had got better but then goes really bad which worsens my anxiety. I do have good days but I mainly have bad ones sad, I am also having strange thoughts about reality which is making me feel crazy, am I going crazy?, Im only 17 and I just want to be back to my old self before going through all this sad

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  • zoopanzee Smeagul247

    Hi, 

    Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. It is however,  such a familiar story and for that reason there's cause for hope. If you look over this site you'll see the same stories coming up again and again. We all have anxiety and the symptoms are very similar. If you want to get down to the nub of it, we're all afraid of the same thing - our response to anxiety, our fear. We're afraid of fear itself, or at least our physical reaction to fear. Someone has a phobia of spiders, another is scared of lifts, someone else doesn't like social situations...etc. but these are just triggers. The common factor is that we're all afraid of our own fear process. 

    The key to tackling it is to embrace it as part of you. You say, like many others that you just want to be back to your old self and this can be a troubling denial stage. This is you. And believe it or not, you may be thankful for it. Sounds crazy doesn't it, but your anxiety, sensitivity to the world, is all part of you. You may bring your anxiety 'disorder' under control, but you will likely always be a fairly anxious person. It's who you are so don't try to run from it, instead enquire into it, learn how to manage it, deep relaxation,  exercise and whole foods are an excellent start. Until you get to grips with this aspect of yourself, it might also be a good idea not to touch alcohol or drugs. Stay clean and strong and don't run in fear, this only strengthens the symptoms of anxiety. Remember everything passes, even when you don't want it to. Anxiety attacks have a lifespan, they are linked to adrenaline and your fear feeds it. Take care,  you will be fine but it takes time and yearning for the past 'you' won't help. Look into the nhs online 'fearfighter' it's based on CBT therapy and is very good - used for depression, anxiety, phobias etc. 

    Also, Keep in touch with your doctor of course, it might be that you need some anti - anxiety meds initially but don't just take them without doing a little work on your being too. 

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    • Smeagul247 zoopanzee

      Thank you for the reply, yeah I was very happy in my childhood until I was half way through my time in high school, I had a very big panic attack at the beginning of the severe anxiety which was very traumatic and looking back I can't believe I went through such a bad panic attack,  I'm getting CBT starting in 2 weeks which im hoping will change how I view life but from now until then I am probably going to feel awful. My symptons make me believe im going to have a stroke or heart attack which scares me. I have also been getting a slightly tight jaw, can anybody elabirate on the reason I get this? thanks again!

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    • zoopanzee Smeagul247

      You're not going to have a heart attack or a stroke believe me. And your jaw tightness is very typical - it's tension. You're becoming too aware of your body and analysing everything. Would be best to do some deep relaxation techniques to rest your agitated mind, let your body look after itself.  Everything you are going through I've experienced myself, as have many people on here. Anxiety will not kill you or send you 'crazy'. Be kind to yourself - do you have someone you can talk to about it?  Parents? Siblings ? 

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  • Smeagul247

    thank you very much, I have my mum to talk to whos been very supportive but its also got to her that im down a lot! The feelings of anxiety are also making me look at the human body strangely and how life is strange which is quite odd, is that anxiety?

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    • zoopanzee Smeagul247

      It is yes. It's often very hard for someone with depersonalisation or derealisation to accept that their primary malfunction is anxiety disorder. Your anxiety is driving your worries about the body and your sense of disconnectedness is making you worry even more. The loop continues - you must break the loop by stopping thinking.  Create a mind gap whenever you can.  Your thinking is like an engine for anxiety - try not to get tangled up in your own thoughts.  And do not drink caffeine. 

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    • Smeagul247 zoopanzee

      Thank you, when are these symptoms with my heart going to go, im on propanalol and it has worked but I still get palpatations and it still feels a bit week. My recent thoughts over life have really scared me sad

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  • Smeagul247

    Hi everyone, im still struggling with my symptoms. I've really been tangled up in my thoughts and they are quite disturbing. I have been finding it strange being a human being and some people look alien like. I keep on thinking about the size of the universe and exsistence of things like aliens which before I went through my derealisation I found interesting but I know find it disturbing. Also the fact that humans have things like arms and legs seem weird. I feel crazy saying this stuff and am chalking it up to my bad derealization. Is this derealization? 

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  • Smeagul247

    can someone please reply, sorry its just im really freaking out sad

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    • zoopanzee Smeagul247

      Hi. Dont fret, it does sound like your derealisation  issue. I would visit the Doc soon though and discuss everything.  Don't try and manage alone. You really need to cut loose from your thought patterns. You're thinking too much.  Try some deep relaxation techniques and get yourself into a quiet space. Take care.  

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    • Smeagul247 zoopanzee

      thanks once again, yeah I have cbt on wednesday so im hoping that will help me on the road for recovery. I've been speaking to my mum about it so I have support. I find reassurance very helpful so thank you very much! I know im not schizophrenic or anything like that because my behaviour hasn't changed but I have been very disturbed by my thoughts it must be said and im afraid that my view on life has changed for the worse 

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  • simone3000 Smeagul247

    oh my goodness. I got a bit chocked up reading this! This is exactly what is happening in my head.

     "I've really been tangled up in my thoughts and they are quite disturbing. I have been finding it strange being a human being and some people look alien like... Also the fact that humans have things like arms and legs seem weird."

    this struck such a cord with me! it's exactly how I think and I've been trying for so long to find a similar description online to it, I tried existential anxiety and that was similar but this is exactly me. I get thoughts about why we look like we do, why do we have arms and legs, do humans actually look strange? the thought of eyes and mouths? why don't we have fur? these odd pointless thoughts, I get a tightness in my chest and just feel awful. I find if I read books about humanity and the human body I feel a bit better, a doctor told me I have pure O which is like OCD but with thoughts, and rather than washing my hands to feel better I read books or go online and read things about humans, this is such a relief to hear of someone else who is going through the same thing!

     

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  • Leopard999 Smeagul247

    Oh my god, this exactly what I'm going g through, and it's awful. Nothing looks or feel real and im always questioning myself if I'm real or I'm in a dream and im gonna wake up from some kind of nightmare! I try to ignore it as much as I can but it's extremely difficult. sad

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  • jimmy69737 Smeagul247

    I have been suffering from anxiety my entire life, and started getting panic attacks may of last year. I have researched and read literally almost everything on the Internet to do with anxiety, panic, derealization, depersonalization, every physical symptom of anxiety, fear of going insane, fear of every mental health condition, etc the list goes on and on. I have spend a good majority of my time on the Internet the past 2 years trying to justify that I'm not losing my mind or losing touch with reality because I have such distressing thoughts. I've never registered to a site like this I always just read and read. I had to register and respond to this however because it hit me so hard. I have been struggling so terribly with these thoughts as well. Ex. Nothing feels real, why are we here, the size of the universe, why we act and do things the way we do, why are humans the way they are, why they look the way they do, how does the earth just stay floating in the universe, why can we not feel the earth spin, and I could keep going. For whatever reason these thoughts scare me do death and sometimes cause full blown panic attacks. I have been deathly afraid for a while now that I am crazy and that it is only a matter of time before I completely lose my mind. I've always had quite an ocd personality and I think this may be it. I can absolutely 10000% relate to what you are going thru, and I would greatly appreciate it if you replied and let me know how you are doing. 

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  • Numbi Smeagul247

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  • Numbi Smeagul247

    Well.. I am 16 and I got diagnosed near a month ago. I've had this little problem for over 7 years. I'm having a bit of panic attacks too.

    So the first time I got a panic attack really cracked my life quantity I guess.

    It was a night and I was just about to fall asleep and I saw epilepsy-type aura(?). I jumped out of my bed and went to my parents' room. That didnt really help a (insert swear here). I was scared of getting horton's syndrome. Well I didnt sleep any that night and got a series of panic attacks.. More than 20.

    2 weeks after it went much easier: 0-1/day and 1-2/night and I could sleep 3-4am o clock. That lasted for one year, but sometimes there was pauses of one week or so.. Then i went to diagnose it.

    Then the dissosiation: all around the day i feel like i could walk trough a wall and like the world just isnt.. Its illusion of light if even that and keeps falling from me. And it seems i cant recognize myself from mirror so well. And i feel like i was a doll. I am numb and i dont feel pain so much....

    An i cant sleep without lights or 50% of nights alone.

    My feelings are too kind of mixed:

    ​Wonders, curiosity, anger, rage, sadness, tiredness, proudness, starting a chat and even the smallest wonders includes shame and shyness.

    The derealisation & depersonalisation are maybe pretty strong for me?

    Because im almost falling everytime i keep my eyes closed at shower...

    An im rarely sometimes having extreme fears of like me going paranoid or start hallucinating

        = Move out of my bed or where ever i am. I cant even shout to someone  because then "something could hear me".

    But yeah the pro. asked me like five times that do i feel depressed and am i sure :D

    No. I am happy, it is "easy" to live with it, but those moments with extreme fears...

     

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    • Numbi

      I... Kind of revived the day after that post... Wow it happened so fast and i didnt have any kind of panic therapy or like that i just magically revived.... 

      I still have mixed emotions and some fears but wow i didnt know people relax like this at evening... I can even feel that i can just go and sleep and yeah. Idk if this is some kind of pause after 7 years but its been half-a-day from that i revived.    Some of my muscles went painful relaxing after 7 years or so... You know... Normal life is the heaven of mine.

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    • LemurKing02 Numbi

      Oh my god, i think Numbi and i are twins, i am 13 and i suffer the exact..."exact!" same symtoms, shower thing and all, i feel as though life is a test, like its a "fake real", and we dthink its real because we dont know what real "real" feels like. I winder why science is the way it is, and why we are here, why we think, how we think,. i think everyone else is fake, and im the only real victim, and i have short thoughts of negative thiongs, and depression, i dont know if i have ever had a panic attack, but when i wake up in  my room at noht and its pitch black, i have to close my eyes and just breath.

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  • jen31560 Smeagul247

    Are any of you still here? How have you been?

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  • lightlife Smeagul247

    Hey guys just found you all now - in definitely part of this club. I mean, what are all those crazy arms and legs about!! Hehe. So I had a horrendous few episodes over last couple of years (my GAD comes and go like hay fever over the last 10 years) where I experienced derealisation ...... I mean what a total head mess up. So I had what you guys had - all the same. Think it was sort of an existential crisis thing. My world view has been permanently changed which is a bit scary but I deal with it, and I'm much more chilled out as a human now I put things in universal perspective. It gave me faith too. So I know think of us humans as similar to ants - we exist in the surroundings we are physically capable of being aware of and are in a rat race of sorts, however there is so much that will be going on above and beyond our mind capability that we will not be able to comprehend. It is as pointless for an ant to wonder what a star is for us to wonder what we are. And so with much practice I have retreated my thoughts on this. Yes it's still there every day but I don't engage, I smile and give a nod to the greatness, then continue with brushing my teeth or whatever. I also started taking Duloxetine which literally changed my life - it's calmed me down so much and I now manage my anxiety for the time being. Hopefully will stay on it for life. Anyhow, just wanted to say I'm here, to stick with it, to try and see the good, um I found reading very helpful and also classical music. When I'm truly freaking out I count from 1 to 10 and from 10 to 1 at exactly the same time - very hard - and if I can still think I play a song in my head at the same time - if really really unbearable I also sing too. Just trying to keep all the thought lines quiet...... Sorry if I ramble. Please message me if you ever need a friend or support. Derealisation is so so so scary it unreal (literally ha). But it stops. It goes. Hang on in there. And don't be afraid to try drugs to rectify your chemical imbalance in your brain. X

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    • simone3000 lightlife

      It's been over a year since I was on this thread, and I have to say that overall the derealization has gotten better and the pure OCD thoughts more managable, I found a very good psychiatrist, he upped my prozac dosage and also perscribed me luvox and ativan, and it has helped slow my brain down some. I find a couple of weeks before my period is when it can get bad again, right now I'm feeling quite anxious, I've started working out to get healthier but in my head I think "why am I trying to lose weight when bodies look so strange anyway" and I'm in a relationship now after 10 years of being single with a wonderful woman, I'll look at her and think "she's so beautiful" but then I think "why do I think that? is she beautiful, the human face is so odd with the 2 eyes and this odd thing with two holes called a nose, and why do we have lips..." pretty much thoughts that I wrote in an earlier post at the top of this thread. oh my goodness. I got a bit chocked up reading this! This is exactly what is happening in my head.

       "I've really been tangled up in my thoughts and they are quite disturbing. I have been finding it strange being a human being and some people look alien like... Also the fact that humans have things like arms and legs seem weird."

      this struck such a cord with me! it's exactly how I think and I've been trying for so long to find a similar description online to it, I tried existential anxiety and that was similar but this is exactly me. I get thoughts about why we look like we do, why do we have arms and legs, do humans actually look strange? the thought of eyes and mouths? why don't we have fur? these odd pointless thoughts, I get a tightness in my chest and just feel awful. I find if I read books about humanity and the human body I feel a bit better, a doctor told me I have pure O which is like OCD but with thoughts, and rather than washing my hands to feel better I read books or go online and read things about humans,"

      it's so illogical and I hate when it comes back sad

      "

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  • Chilligans Smeagul247

    Hey everyone. It seems this is all old, and I haven't ever made an account on any of these sites, but these stories have rung more true with me than anything I've seen yet. It's crazy haha. I'm 16 and have always been a deep thinker, wondering all sorts of things about how we are and came to be, and I have also had anxiety (particularly around social events) as this thinking came to my own life. I've probably experienced some dissociation for a while, but never this bad and it never made me afraid. I think part of it has to do with me really trying to make connections with people. Becomes kinda scary when you're looking at your amazing girlfriend and you start to wonder what 'it' is. Turning someone you care about into a surreal, alien object is pretty scary and makes one feel guilty for sure. This more extreme fear and anxiety is probably stemming from me, but it most definitely was made worse by smoking marijuana, and one very bad trip. It's extremely comforting to see such similar stories. I feel a lot less crazy for the moment. How are you all doing??

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  • Imnotthere Smeagul247

    This is creepily relatable and I'm struggling to try and type this message so much it's making me physically sick. First time I heard someone else having that fear of making noise Numbi. I just don't know about anything anymore I have tried dealing with this for over 2 years. I can't bring myself to talking to anyone about this because I can't trust anyone or I think I can't like its a game to see how long it takes for me to break. Like they are all just waiting for me to slip up. I am constantly pretending I'm this person they know and right now I'm just confused with literally everything like my hand, What Is that thing?

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  • matt 40176 Smeagul247

    Always a good idea to get checked it out,

    I suffered with anxiety all through my teens and early twenties,

    All through my thirties,Nothing,

    Then in my early 40s,it returned and returned bringing Atrial fibrillation with it,

    I'm a personal trainer and it absolutely devastated my personal and social life,Feeling like I couldn't risk raising my pulse,although exercise did actually feel like it was helping me sometimes,

    I wouldn't recommend it though.

    Go to your doctor and get an ecg,you need something recorded for a baseline to compare future ecg readings.

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  • t71453 Smeagul247

    omg guys i feel the same way!!! This is all very old but smeagul how are u doing? I have been suffering from this for a loonnng time. I just want it all to end by suiciding but then i think of what happens after death? I will be alone forever... But as the days go by I am getting depressed often, and it affects my studies. When I talk or look around me I often think of if i exist and when i say something I think "did i say that for real?" or if i was imagining it. I am not sure if this has to do with depersonalisation or derealisation or anxiety(mainly anxiety maybe) but like whenever i see a number . i always double it to make it add up to 1. EG: a sentence may have 8 letters or a number be 8 and then i wud double that 8, then it wud be 16, 1+6=7, then double the 7, which is 14, 1+4=5, double 5= 10, 1+0= 1 and until I get to 1 i dont stop. I tried to ignore it but cant since my brain just thinks something like "u will miss out ur chance at this time specifically to do this(by this i mean add up all to the number 1) then i HAVE to do it. Also I get scared when i look at someone and think "wow, what are humans? we are controlled by the brain, we have to have lungs etc to survive.... we are made of atoms and molecules". I need help so bad!!!! I am also scared of eternity and being alone for eternity doing nothing. as well as falling nonstop for eternity in a darkness. I also get depressed thinking i will be alone after death as well as thinking of the day my parents die and how I will think back to these moments when they existed, and so on. Yeah I am messed up, that is why I really need help sad

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    • Chilligans t71453

      Hey t71453. I'm so sorry you're dealing with so many intense problems. Since I commented on this 11 months ago (which I can't believe) I think I've really had improvement. When I first commented on this I was not in a good place at all and your post reminded me of how I was feeling. I just want to say, please look for help in any form: friends, family, and especially therapy I would recommend as it's helped me so much. Also, give it time. This isn't a cute at all, but as you give it time and realize none of these feelings and thoughts can actually hurt you, and you continue to be okay despite how scary the thoughts are, I guarantee they will have less affect on you. I know it doesn't sound promising hahah, but time really helps. I am just curious, how long have you been experiencing this, and do you have any idea what might have triggered these feelings?

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    • t71453 Chilligans

      no... the first time I had it was late at night. I am not sure if it is cuz this this reason but I drank a mountain dew which is an energy drink earlier. So like when i was getting ready to sleep, i think i suddenly thought OMG is this all real? i think i am going crazy and my sister didnt help much instead she made it worse. she kept saying im becoming a phycho and that i need a physiatrist. But the more i told her to stop she kept doing it. I cudnt sleep at all. My mind was racing i wanted to escape but i couldn't. My mum and sister came in and was talking but to me everything was racing. the more i looked at them the more i was like are they real? and i cudnt sleep the whole night. I feel asleep for an hour at about 3am and woke at like 4am. Till today other problems which i think grew from depersonalisation keep happening to me. and yes like you when i look at a comment i wrote like months ago on youtube or a video that came out on utube month ago i get so surprised thinking omg it was that long ago? it wud feel like a few months ago when it is like 6months ago. Then i wud think like omg when i grow older how much worse will it be? i will miss my childhood etc... and become depressed....

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    • t71453

      and um i am not sure how long but i reckon a few months ago at least 3. But then again i cant tell for sure since what i think is 3 months could actually be 6 months ago

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    • Chilligans t71453

      That was not cool of your sister at all to be like that. I know first hand with depersonalization and anxiety that the fear of being psycho is super super real. I just want to say that you aren't going crazy. I was asking what might have triggered it just because what really triggered it for me was a bad acid trip. I know in general it is pretty smart to stay away from all drugs and also caffeine for depersonalization. Have you thought about seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? I am seeing both right now and I'd really recommend it. It has nothing to do with being crazy I promise, haha.

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    • Chilligans t71453

      I'm really sorry they haven't taken it seriously, sometimes that happens though. Try to keep pushing for it if you can, or find someone who will really take it seriously and talk to them. And I totally understand the fear of conspiracy. That thought that anything can be fake and all lies.... Aghhh, scary haha. Just remember, 99.999999999999% of the time it isn't a conspiracy, and people aren't that bad. You are not alone, and I understand how terrifying what you are experiencing is.

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    • t71453 Chilligans

      By the conspiracy i read about mind controlling stuff and about reptilans :v now im scared. But that was yesterday, i feel sort of better from it now. But my main problem right now is the fact that i keep getting depressed at the thought that my parents are getting old and are gonna die some day. Ever since I was young I get scared of these things. And because of derealisation I am also scared of the thought of them not being real. Oh man sad and they want me to study and stuff but i cant exactly study cuz of the fact that even if i get a good job such as a doctor they wont live as long to see/enjoy it with me sad 

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    • Chilligans t71453

      I totally can relate to those thoughts. They are scary and so tough. When I first started having these problems thoughts like that were so terrifying and consuming. Now they take up much less of my day (although they are definitely still around) and don't cause me the extreme level of fear that they did. The biggest reason for this has been just giving it time and having other things to do. I know right where you're at smile

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    • t71453 Chilligans

      By giving it time what do you mean? I have to study for my exams and right now I don't have the will or motivation to do it. I have these thoughts that when I am older I will get so depressed when thinking of the times with my parents and how I will never see them again once they die or once I die. Ugh it's just that they work hard for my education but I feel so depressed unable to study and then cause of that I get depressed at the fact that I am not able to help them or anything. So basically I can't study but then cause of not studying I get depressed since I am just slacking off whilst my parents work hard for my education. 

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    • Chilligans t71453

      I guess what I mean is put everything you have into normalizing and living life despite what you're feeling. Try to study (if you can't I totally understand. I've been there again and again) and take those exams. Keep up whatever hobbies you are into and literally find anything to keep you involved and busy. This might sound like that last thing to do, but it is a super good idea. The more you keep on going and keeping busy, the more you'll realize you are okay. This is just one of a ton of things to do to help, it's just so far what I've had the most positive results from. I'm sorry if I'm not explaining it well. As far as fearing letting your parents down with exams, I don't know how you are doing in school but just remember that you will probably do alright and that this round of exams is a really small part of your total schooling. You are having a rough time right now and it is totally understandable that you aren't feeling too able to study

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  • The Globus Kid Smeagul247

    Hi, I have suffered badly with derealization for 3 years since my father died.

    I can best describe it as like being in a dream but awake, its scary but you come to live with the symptoms until it hits you that that is what you have.

    I have a telephone assessment to discuss it with a pro from my local NHS mental health team on Monday.

    I will update after the appt.

    Best wishes

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