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Smeagul247 Smeagul247

Really bad derealisation

Hello eveyone

I have had a very hard time for about 3 months from derealisation and anxiety that I got from exam stress but I can't help but think I have a problem with my heart. I get strong heart beats, flutters and tightness and occasional chest pain and despite constant reassurance from doctors that it is absolutely fine I still think it isn't in good shape. I am scared to go out for jogs because of my fear and the one time I went the gym to get my mind clear my heart was pounding but im still unsure if thats due to me worrying about it in the back of my mind. My derealisation had got better but then goes really bad which worsens my anxiety. I do have good days but I mainly have bad ones sad, I am also having strange thoughts about reality which is making me feel crazy, am I going crazy?, Im only 17 and I just want to be back to my old self before going through all this sad

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  • zoopanzee zoopanzee Smeagul247

    Hi, 

    Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. It is however,  such a familiar story and for that reason there's cause for hope. If you look over this site you'll see the same stories coming up again and again. We all have anxiety and the symptoms are very similar. If you want to get down to the nub of it, we're all afraid of the same thing - our response to anxiety, our fear. We're afraid of fear itself, or at least our physical reaction to fear. Someone has a phobia of spiders, another is scared of lifts, someone else doesn't like social situations...etc. but these are just triggers. The common factor is that we're all afraid of our own fear process. 

    The key to tackling it is to embrace it as part of you. You say, like many others that you just want to be back to your old self and this can be a troubling denial stage. This is you. And believe it or not, you may be thankful for it. Sounds crazy doesn't it, but your anxiety, sensitivity to the world, is all part of you. You may bring your anxiety 'disorder' under control, but you will likely always be a fairly anxious person. It's who you are so don't try to run from it, instead enquire into it, learn how to manage it, deep relaxation,  exercise and whole foods are an excellent start. Until you get to grips with this aspect of yourself, it might also be a good idea not to touch alcohol or drugs. Stay clean and strong and don't run in fear, this only strengthens the symptoms of anxiety. Remember everything passes, even when you don't want it to. Anxiety attacks have a lifespan, they are linked to adrenaline and your fear feeds it. Take care,  you will be fine but it takes time and yearning for the past 'you' won't help. Look into the nhs online 'fearfighter' it's based on CBT therapy and is very good - used for depression, anxiety, phobias etc. 

    Also, Keep in touch with your doctor of course, it might be that you need some anti - anxiety meds initially but don't just take them without doing a little work on your being too. 

    • Smeagul247 Smeagul247 zoopanzee

      Thank you for the reply, yeah I was very happy in my childhood until I was half way through my time in high school, I had a very big panic attack at the beginning of the severe anxiety which was very traumatic and looking back I can't believe I went through such a bad panic attack,  I'm getting CBT starting in 2 weeks which im hoping will change how I view life but from now until then I am probably going to feel awful. My symptons make me believe im going to have a stroke or heart attack which scares me. I have also been getting a slightly tight jaw, can anybody elabirate on the reason I get this? thanks again!

    • zoopanzee zoopanzee Smeagul247

      You're not going to have a heart attack or a stroke believe me. And your jaw tightness is very typical - it's tension. You're becoming too aware of your body and analysing everything. Would be best to do some deep relaxation techniques to rest your agitated mind, let your body look after itself.  Everything you are going through I've experienced myself, as have many people on here. Anxiety will not kill you or send you 'crazy'. Be kind to yourself - do you have someone you can talk to about it?  Parents? Siblings ? 

  • Smeagul247 Smeagul247

    thank you very much, I have my mum to talk to whos been very supportive but its also got to her that im down a lot! The feelings of anxiety are also making me look at the human body strangely and how life is strange which is quite odd, is that anxiety?

    • zoopanzee zoopanzee Smeagul247

      It is yes. It's often very hard for someone with depersonalisation or derealisation to accept that their primary malfunction is anxiety disorder. Your anxiety is driving your worries about the body and your sense of disconnectedness is making you worry even more. The loop continues - you must break the loop by stopping thinking.  Create a mind gap whenever you can.  Your thinking is like an engine for anxiety - try not to get tangled up in your own thoughts.  And do not drink caffeine. 

    • Smeagul247 Smeagul247 zoopanzee

      Thank you, when are these symptoms with my heart going to go, im on propanalol and it has worked but I still get palpatations and it still feels a bit week. My recent thoughts over life have really scared me sad

  • Smeagul247 Smeagul247

    Hi everyone, im still struggling with my symptoms. I've really been tangled up in my thoughts and they are quite disturbing. I have been finding it strange being a human being and some people look alien like. I keep on thinking about the size of the universe and exsistence of things like aliens which before I went through my derealisation I found interesting but I know find it disturbing. Also the fact that humans have things like arms and legs seem weird. I feel crazy saying this stuff and am chalking it up to my bad derealization. Is this derealization? 

  • Smeagul247 Smeagul247

    can someone please reply, sorry its just im really freaking out sad

    • zoopanzee zoopanzee Smeagul247

      Hi. Dont fret, it does sound like your derealisation  issue. I would visit the Doc soon though and discuss everything.  Don't try and manage alone. You really need to cut loose from your thought patterns. You're thinking too much.  Try some deep relaxation techniques and get yourself into a quiet space. Take care.  

    • Smeagul247 Smeagul247 zoopanzee

      thanks once again, yeah I have cbt on wednesday so im hoping that will help me on the road for recovery. I've been speaking to my mum about it so I have support. I find reassurance very helpful so thank you very much! I know im not schizophrenic or anything like that because my behaviour hasn't changed but I have been very disturbed by my thoughts it must be said and im afraid that my view on life has changed for the worse 

  • simone3000 simone3000 Smeagul247

    oh my goodness. I got a bit chocked up reading this! This is exactly what is happening in my head.

     "I've really been tangled up in my thoughts and they are quite disturbing. I have been finding it strange being a human being and some people look alien like... Also the fact that humans have things like arms and legs seem weird."

    this struck such a cord with me! it's exactly how I think and I've been trying for so long to find a similar description online to it, I tried existential anxiety and that was similar but this is exactly me. I get thoughts about why we look like we do, why do we have arms and legs, do humans actually look strange? the thought of eyes and mouths? why don't we have fur? these odd pointless thoughts, I get a tightness in my chest and just feel awful. I find if I read books about humanity and the human body I feel a bit better, a doctor told me I have pure O which is like OCD but with thoughts, and rather than washing my hands to feel better I read books or go online and read things about humans, this is such a relief to hear of someone else who is going through the same thing!

     

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