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Really need to know if it'suits all in my head??

Posted , 7 users are following.

Pfizon1986
Pfizon1986

Will try make this brief... been feeling depressed for a couple years, was in a bad relationship which I gorgeous our of. In a new relationship and fell deeply in love, moved in to his house pretty quickly. However, my anxiety is increasing, my confidence and self esteem is decreasing and I am isolating myself from friends. I can't figure out if it's me, or if my boyfriend is being controlling. I've organised a party for my 30th in April and he took it upon himself to invite some of his friends who I've never met, told him I was annoyed about this and he blew up at me saying he was doing a nice thing and I was always so negative. Told me to sort myself out as I'm pushing him away. Next day he is so loving and saying he doesn't want to lose me. Can't figure out if i am being down and negative and that's why he reacted, or if he's trying to be in control of everything and that's why I'm feeling this way??

1 like, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • nadnad
    nadnad Pfizon1986

    Posted

    If you are a couple and moved in with him which is only fair that he want you to socialis with his friends and what a better a occasion your birthday party and not all relationship are a same take care and happ birthday in advance 
  • RHGB
    RHGB Pfizon1986

    Posted

    It is normally polite to ask if you can invite people to somebody else's party. If it was his party he would be within his rights.

    Does he drink, was he drinking when he told you that he had invited his mates?

    • Pfizon1986
      Pfizon1986 RHGB

      Posted

      No he doesn't really drink. He probably was just trying to "do a nice thing" however what it has highlighted for me is that I think I was trying to be someone I'm not, and my low self esteem just got worse and worse and I completely lost who I am.
    • RHGB
      RHGB Pfizon1986

      Posted

      I still think it is common courtesy to ask, if it is somebody else's party. Nothing wrong with that, no problem on your part to expect that.
    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 Pfizon1986

      Posted

      Don't justify his bad behavior and write it off as he was "trying" to do something nice.  He's an adult man and should know better and don't give him a break on this.  Stand your ground now or he'll jerk it right out from under you later. 
  • ausfem
    ausfem Pfizon1986

    Posted

    Maybe he invited his friends to try help you make some new relationships and somehow make you too closer so that you will have fun and make the party that little bit bigger especially if you have not been hanging out with your friends I can see why you were a little annoyed but I can also see why he may of reacted that way also he very may felt he was doing a nice thing good luck with your party hope it all works out sounds like to me tho you may need to work on the controlling part as a relationship should be a two way street where each person can still be them selves as I have realised after a long relationship that I am not so happy in because i kinda have lost myself xoxo
    • Pfizon1986
      Pfizon1986 ausfem

      Posted

      Yeah he probably was trying to do a nice thing, but I definitely don't know who I am anymore. I've completely lost my sense of self and that is a really unsettling feeling.
    • ausfem
      ausfem Pfizon1986

      Posted

      Yeah I know the feeling I need to make changes in my life too as I need to find the person under who he wanted me to be or rather the person I am today any time you wanna talk feel free to message me xo
    • Pfizon1986
      Pfizon1986 ausfem

      Posted

      Thank you. It' been a relief to find this forum. Likewise to you too. How do you message on this forum?
    • RHGB
      RHGB Pfizon1986

      Posted

      Under the person's avatar, there is an envelope icon, click on that.
    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 ausfem

      Posted

      Are you kidding me?  He invited people talking to her about it.  Next thing he'll show up with friends at their home expecting her to make sandwiches and have cold beer!  I know the type and their MO.  She needs to put him to the curb and soon. 
    • yvonne81394
      yvonne81394 ausfem

      Posted

      Sounds like you are in the same kind of relationship.  Don't EVER try to become another person for someone else.  Be yourself or you'll be miserable later on and lost.  This is why you and Pfizon talk about feeling lost.  It's because you are!  You are trying to become someone that you think someone else wants and not yourself.  You need to work on YOU and making yourself happy so you can attrack the right person to you.  Narcs will beat you down and try to change who you are so you will become more controllable.  But the trick is, nothing will ever make them happy no matter what you do or how you think you've changed for them.  It's all about stripping you of your sense of self and self worth so they can get what's called their "narcissistic supply".  And be warned too that a narc can drop you like a bad habit and move on to someone else once they have depleted you of all you have to give and spot fresh meat.  Trust me, you want to get away from a person like this ASAP before they destroy you completely and then leave you in a heap. 
    • ausfem
      ausfem yvonne81394

      Posted

      I have been in a very long relationship with my partner have had lots of ups and downs he has been there for me like no one else ever has been or could be together we have been through alot including the loss of one of our children as i Said a lot of ups and downs he supported me through our loss and kept me going when I thought I would never recover in our long relationship it hasn't always been how it I now or I haven't felt how I feel now I don't think it would be fair for anyone to say I should leave him or for me to me to tell pfizor to leave her partner as we all have our faults and weaknesses I can in my mind comfort her and give her my opinion or thoughts to what I think she should do not tell her what to do as I don't know the full story of her relationship nor have I seen her or her partner together as she Sai he is loving caring and mostly supportive oh wow what a crime he invited some friends to her party yeah maybe a little rude but hey its not the end of the world and as I said omg he is a man who knows how they think maybe he was just being nice but didn't think before he acted like a lot of us are guilty off no offence but there is no mention of how much he controls her life what if he invited friends of both of theirs to a surprise party would he still be scolded for not asking ?
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