Really need to know if it'suits all in my head??

Posted , 7 users are following.

Will try make this brief... been feeling depressed for a couple years, was in a bad relationship which I gorgeous our of. In a new relationship and fell deeply in love, moved in to his house pretty quickly. However, my anxiety is increasing, my confidence and self esteem is decreasing and I am isolating myself from friends. I can't figure out if it's me, or if my boyfriend is being controlling. I've organised a party for my 30th in April and he took it upon himself to invite some of his friends who I've never met, told him I was annoyed about this and he blew up at me saying he was doing a nice thing and I was always so negative. Told me to sort myself out as I'm pushing him away. Next day he is so loving and saying he doesn't want to lose me. Can't figure out if i am being down and negative and that's why he reacted, or if he's trying to be in control of everything and that's why I'm feeling this way??

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  • Posted

    Well, if this was YOUR party, he was wrong not to talk to you about inviting any of his friends that you don't know.  That was just plain rude and thoughtless.  But back to your anxiety and depression.  I think the worse thing a person can do while experiencing these things is get in to a new relationship.  That never fixes things and also sets you up for someone taking advantage of your vulnerablility, such as a controlling person or worse, a narcissist.  If you feel yourself becoming estranged from family or friends, he could be the reason.  Narcissist work subtly.  They can erode your confidence and alter how you think, especially if you are not mentally healthy in the first place.  You need to stay in charge of your own life and make sure you keep your friends and family close to you and not allow him or anyone to try to throw in a wedge in those relationships.  That's never a good sign and it never gets better.  I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but sounds like from what you are saying, you need to move on from him.  I heard you say you fell in love but haven't heard you say one good thing about him, like how good he can be and understanding when you need him, supportive of you and your friends, etc.  You only mentioned that he is loving when he feels you might leave him after he's told you that basically it is YOU that is the problem.  He's wearing you down bit by bit.  I know how this scenario plays out first hand so please, take to heart what I'm telling you and get out of the relationship. 
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply. That's a lot to take in. And I get what you're saying. And if I really think about it I probably agree. I rushed in to things with him and now find myself in a position where I'm living at his. I know I didn't say very many positive things about him however to his credit he is lovely. He's attentive, complimentary, encourages to go out and spend time with my family and friends, looks after me, but the birthday party thing got to me.
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    • Posted

      Most of us don't say nice things about our partners when we are annoyed only you cam make choices about your life and how you live it but as I said relationships are a two way street I'm sure we both do things that our partners hate or are annoyed at its just life all you can do us take others opinions and thoughts in but really follow your heart and remember be your self and if it don't work out there are plenty more fish in the sea and if its meant to be it will be xo
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