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reassurance needed please:$

Posted , 10 users are following.

sundagger
sundagger

Hi Ladies, 

I'm 32, have 2 children under 3 and am booked in for rectocele repair and possible uterus removal on the 8th October,  and i am ABSOLUTELY terrified. 

I'm hoping that some of you who have experienced it will be able to reassure me! 

I'm finding it hard to talk to people about it as they don't seem to think it's a big deal - i think because its not an ailment they can physically see - but it is for me. Having read other posts you all seem lovely some at least i might have somewhere i can vent my feelings 

Thankyou x

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • moira34394
    moira34394 sundagger

    Posted

    Hi Sundagger, you're right, it is a big deal, but just in terms of the care taken during recovery. I can't speak to uterus removal, but the main problem with the rectocele repair is not so much the pain and discomfort but the extreme tiredness. However, at 32 you're probably much younger than most of us, and so should recover much faster. I think the main thing will be to have someone to help you with the children. The basic rule is not to lift for at least 3 months, and that's going to be tricky with car seats and high chairs without help. If family aren't nearby, this is the time to call on friends. I did read of someone who deliberately didn't change out of pyjamas for weeks and weeks ~ the minute people see you dressed and moving round the house, they tend to think you're ok.

    Feel free to vent! I remember getting very ratty because I couldn't do things for myself and my husband just couldn't see what needed to be done without being asked. At least, that's how it seemed at the time.

    • kathyc85
      kathyc85 moira34394

      Posted

      Husbands!! Mine is just the same Moira, and Sundagger, Even now, 8 weeks post op, I still have to remind him I need things doing, and the same as you found, seems surprised when I remind him things don't get done by themselves. The most trouble I had was trying to get anyone to help me make the bed. Hubby seems to think it doesn't matter because HE doesn't mind getting into an unmade bed... one of the things I hate most, unless I'm really poorly. Anyway I got round that one by kneeling beside the bed and smoothing the sheets out, then tucking the sides in, and putting the pillows back before I got back up. I don't think I got help with that on more than about 3 occasions. You do have to be a bit devious, or remember to do things like lifting wet laundry, plates out of the cupboard etc. in smaller amounts. (if you have to do it yourself) I am panicking now as I have to return to full time work next week, and still don't feel ready to cope with early starts and not being able to sit down when I feel the need, I was under the assumption I would be off for 12 weeks (anterior repair) and have been taking things really easy as I know my job as a school technician will be full on when I go back. When I saw my GP a couple of weeks ago he told me that 6 weeks is the recommended recovery time, and although he gave me 2 weeks extra, I feel more tired now I have suddenly realised I have to get back into the work routine, and have been more active to try and get back on track. Oh well, back to early bedtimes I suppose!

      K

  • lynne59214
    lynne59214 sundagger

    Posted

    Hi sundagger, I am 4 weeks post op for rectocele & peremium repair and feeling confident I'm on the mend, Its hard not to be anxious, as you say its not a talked about operation, but it is a big deal and this forum is great to vent your feelings. Everthing moira has written is spot on, after the op it is so important to rest for a few weeks, even when feeling better. Your age is on your side compared to us older 'birds' but having young children around, you must accept all the help on offer. My husband has been great but even still I don't think he really understands. One important thing after your op is to keep the pain management (meds) up. I felt uncomfortable obviously but coped Ok. You will get through this and your quality of life will return soon. Keep us posted with how you go. Best wishes Lynne
  • sundagger
    sundagger

    Posted

    Thankyou for both of your repies, I'm a natural worrier, so it's hard not to! I keep saying to my husband 'you do realise i won't be able to do anything don't you' and he says yes it will be fine, but as supportive as he is I'm not sure he does realise. Moira, i will definitely be frustrated about the housework! My husband though helpful when asked, is not great at taking the initiative and just doing what needs to be done! 

    I'm going to try and batch cook some meals to make it easier and get the kids clothes ready and laidout for the first week!. I will definitely be taking those pain meds lynne:-) 

    I will keep you posted. 

    Once again thankyou x

  • Carolannfud
    Carolannfud sundagger

    Posted

    Hi Sundagger, I am booked in for surgery on 3 weeks time and absolutely dreading it! It is big deal having everything removed and I am very worried about my recovery. My gynae has told me I will need a nap everyday. I don't have kids at home but am very active and very independent and have grandchildren I am continuously lifting etc. have you got someone who could come and help each day? Unless all your kids are at school you're going to need someone. Best of luck! 
    • sundagger
      sundagger Carolannfud

      Posted

      Hi, yes i.will have some help with the kids, my husband when not at work and I'm very lucky that my sister in law has taken some time off to help(my hubby works shifts). Im not too worried about the kids being taken care of, more the day to day practicalities!  Like the ironing etc..i wouldn't ask my sil to do it! 

      I'm actually scared of being put under too,.it throws up all the worries of 'what if...' and the fear of not being there for my kids. Silly i know but I'm feeling it just the same! I'm sure that it will be finesurprised 

      Good luck with your op too x

  • donna68613
    donna68613 sundagger

    Posted

    Hi Sundagger. I am also waiting to have the op going in on the 24th oct. I do talk about it with anyone that will listen so they know its a major op and that i will need help. My boys are 8 and 12 ( I'm 38 ) no lifting them ha but I'm worried about the normal day to day like making the tea and ironing. When people can't see that you are ill (no broken bones) they think your fine. These laddies have been very helpful rest and rest some more so that it heals fully and doesn't need repeating.  Good luck let us know how it goes. D x 
  • jennie43338
    jennie43338 sundagger

    Posted

    Hi Sundagger, I am also on the waiting list for a rectocele op & possiblt TVT for a mild cystocele. The Consutant says I can say on the day of the op if I want both done or just the rectocele as the medication they gave me to stop urge incontinence has improved that problem. She also said that I will still need to take this medication even if I have the TVT done. I, too am terrified as I have to make the decision alone, I don't feel completely happy about making such a big decision by myself. I also asked if my sex life would improve as I feel things are slack down there and she said no, it will not get any better. I keep going from thinking of cancelling the op altogether to just having rectocele op. Thank goodness for this forum where the ladies who have had similar problems are such a help. Let us know how you get on & good luck. 
    • moira34394
      moira34394 jennie43338

      Posted

      Hi Jennie, I had a rectocele and TVT for stress incontinence. There was a little bit of not being able to wait as well. I honestly haven't looked back from the tvt. All aspects of urination have improved. There was even no leaking when I coughed incessantly through a chest nfection 4 months post op. I no longer wear panty liners or give a thought to where the nearest toilet is. I have been practising pelvic floor exs and I think that's helped too.

      I definitely am 'snugger' down below; some people complain that they are too tight after the operation, so I don't know why you've been told your sex life won't improve.

      It's an easy procedure to do at the same time as the rectocele, and doesn't seem to add to the recovery time.

      I wish I had done this years ago. Anyway, it's a very personal decision and will depend on how much your problem is affecting your life. Sometimes these things creep up, and you don't realise how restricting it is till it's sorted. Let us know how you get on.

    • LadyPink
      LadyPink jennie43338

      Posted

      Hi Jennie, At the age of 69, I had a cystocele and rectocele repair operation done, one year ago this week. I also had a tightening of the perineum at the same time - as my gynaecologist (female) said it was 'a bit baggy'. Despite discussing the procedure with both my GP (also female) and my gynaecologist - I was really scared and undecided right up until the last minute. However, I did decide to go ahead. I had a general anaesthetic and an epidural and had all the repairs done - and was home the following afternoon. My husband looked after me and watched me like a hawk for the first few weeks - his office luckily is at home - so he made sure I did as I was told. The recovery was challenging and very much as I was expecting. A little walking to begin with building up each week but with lots of resting, no lifting and no overdoing things. Constipation was the most painful problem for the first 5 days, but once things did 'start to get moving' I got into a regime of high fibre bran breakfasts, lots of soft fruits and fresh veg in my diet and lots of water or other bland drinks throughout the day. (Laxatives are not a good idea long term). Looking back everything went pretty well. It is uncomfortable in the beginning that's true, and not being able to do much around the house can be extremely frustrating but if you accept that rest and taking it easy is crucial to a good recovery that's half the battle. Sex life resumed at about 9 weeks - taking is easy of course at first -  but I can tell you, it is so much better than before; we both agree on that. I did buy a PelvicToner to help strengthen the muscles but really I didn't need it. My gynaecologist had said that s-e-x in itself was the best excercise and she was so right. So, I would say to you Jennie 'go for it you won't regret it'. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain. The recovery is challenging yes, but if you follow the rules and rest as much as you can, sleep when you feel tired, with no heavy lifting or overdoing it for the first 10/12 weeks you'll feel absolutely marvellous as I do now. I have no doubt you'll feel like a new woman - and I'm no spring chicken!

      By the way, a good tip is to read up as much as you can on the subject, watch the procedure done on YouTube too if you can and don't be afraid to ask questions from your doctors.  All the best and keep in touch. LadyPink

  • HappyLady
    HappyLady sundagger

    Posted

    Hi Sundagger,

    There is no denying that it will be difficult dealing with the frustration of everthing that needs doing and knowing you shouldn't do it. But really!! dont do things, the house will get messy and things will get grubby but there is the rest of your life to sort it out and yes three months will feel like forever but remember that you have just had your most intimate parts cut about with a scalple and for very good reasons, so dont risk undooing the good work the doctor has done. Also remember its not just lifting but any pressure downwards, which you will quickly find involves bending. I purchased one of those litter pickers grabber, it was invaluable. Take it easy accept the help and keep asking for more help. I like the idea of staying in pyjamas it sends the message that you are not back to normal yet so to treat you with care. I am post op by 1 year and 4 months, it was the best thing I ever did, everything heals and it continues to improve for months and months well over 6 month which is not bad for three months disruption. take care

  • elsae
    elsae sundagger

    Posted

    dear sundagger,

    I had a rectocoele 8 weeks ago; and was discharged at 6 weeks. I was driving at 3 weeks but that was uncommon. Be reassured; yes, it's a big operation in terms of recovery but the actual operation is not bad and I had hardly any pain afterwards or bleeding etc. But tiredness is the BIG issue and you must make arrangements for resting. And sometimes a bit weepy afterwards. I have started looking after the grandkids and am totally zonked after a few hours so being a younger mum you must take real care. Easy to say I know but letting things go for a few months will pay dividends. Remember too that if you do have a hysterectomy , then the recovery is even longer. Be reassured though about the operation; don't be frightened. It's shortish and the anaesthetic is fairly short term.

    Good luck.

  • polly31782
    polly31782 sundagger

    Posted

    Hi sundagger Please dont be terrified I must admit I was too (I had mine 10 weeks ago) and though its a long time recovering and any Lady on this site will tell you its essential to REST REST REST to make a good recovery. There is no need to worry its not as bad as having a baby!! I didint know anyone who had even heard of a Bladder Prolapse before I came on this site which has been a Godsend to me. Good Luck on 8th October let us know how you get on we will all be thinking of you.
  • chica
    chica sundagger

    Posted

    I feel so sorry for you,don't worry about the op.

    is it not possible just to have the recto eel and hope your uterus rights itself.

    when I was 42 I was going through menopause with constant bleeding and pain.

    my job was driving old buses with no power steering.

    i was booked in for hysterectomy 4 months hence but by that time all had righted itself.

    20odd years later I,ve been in constant pain so this time I think the op is on the cards.

    i live in Spain and can't get a diagnosis.

    the state doctors say my fibroids are normaaaaal and when I go private they just take my money and run.

    i can't go on like this.i need to get something done before I get any older.

    my g.p. thinks I,m a hypocondriac.

    i too am worried about coping after whenever I get the op.

    i agree the men are hopeless.they sit surrounded by jobs waiting to be done and don't even notice.their brains are different to ours.

    i think the secret is to let your standards slip.turn a blind eye.its not forever so don't let it get to you. Hubby will learn to iron when he has to.

    ready meals are a good idea stacked in the freezer.

    its not gonna be easy for you but hey think of how you can spend a better quality of life when you,re healed.you owe it to yourself and family.

  • LadyPink
    LadyPink sundagger

    Posted

    Hi Sundagger,

    I've just been reading of your concerns and the replies from the other ladies in this forum. I agree wholeheartedly with everyone, so can't really add anything more to what's already been said. It's very natural to be really scared before going under the knife and having an anaesthetic but read and research as much as you can online about your operation and don't be afraid to ask your doctors about anything you're unsure about after all it's your body, not theirs. If you are confident about what's going to happen then you'll feel a little less scared.

    Most men, although not all, have no idea about running a house, so they don't even notice when things need doing. As someone has said, they are not like us. Housework will always wait - getting your body healed is more crucial.  Maybe you sister in law could help with ironing and you can always return favours for her at a later date. Never refuse any offers of help. Two or three months of taking it easy is nothing when you've got your whole life in front of you. It is so very important to take it easy while you rest and your body repairs itself. 

    In the meantime you may like to read the posting I've just done for Jennie as you may find it useful. You know you can always ask us any questions on this forum page no matter how trivial you may think it is. We're all here to help each other. Stay in touch. With best wishes. LadyPink

     

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