Relapse

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So it's nearly 2.00am. I started drinking at 9. Had a bottle of wine after only 2 day binge in 6 months. 2 months ago. So I'd like to tell you how I feel :-)(

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  • Posted

    I stopped writing as dark shadow came over post as it seems to all the time recently. Never used to.
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  • Posted

    So. As I've posted b4, I needed the buz. I miss the buzz. My partner is away so I drank. He doesn't drink . I've only drank 1 bootle of white wine in 4 hrs. I used to drink that in less than an hour. But I know what it can lead to. I lost a marriage, a successful business, a 6 bed house, well nearly everything. I'm happier now than I've been for years, no stress and I don't need to lead a materialistic life anymore. But occasionally I miss that buzz. It's worse in the summer too. Would love feedback on this. Want to try nalmefene( ? Can't spell it) saw Dr last week who won't prescribe. So..?
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  • Posted

    Hi Paper Fairy

    Hope you are better now. Please explain, if you wish to, the dark shadow that seems to be following you recently. Not easy to explain sometimes but please be honest so we can face it head on. Quite used to dark periods myself but thats a long story. Has been a very unkind 5 years and has seen a marriage break up, having to accept that another man is living with my daughter (now 10 tears of age), major knee surgery, major ankle surgery following a car accident (metal plate and pins put in), my disabled mum was also injured and had major surgery on her elbow. this was one year ago. mum sadly died of pnumonia last november. Not been a kind 5 years has it?? Alcohol played no part in the marriage break up as I dId not drink then. Alcohol befriended me after this when living alone again after 15 years. Already my liver is turning against me. Can you blame it?  It wasnt designed to motabalise Special Brew etc. Thats in then past now but, as I write, I am just going to crack open my 6th can of 7% lager. Be assured, I will have a restless night with liver pains. Do we not deserve better!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    • Posted

      Your liver is not against you. You are against you. It took a long time for me to get off the booze. When I worked the solution in recovery it was remarkable what was revealed. I was very ill. Mentally, physically and spiritually. I am 10 months and 4 days without a drink. My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic.
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  • Posted

    Sounds like you haven't given in and asked for help.
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    • Posted

      My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic. It's in that, there. I am an alcoholic. I had no choice in the drink. I have no power to stay away from alcohol for a long period. I always returned to it. I am an alcoholic. I am restless, irritable and discontent. Once a drink of alcohol is in me. I have no control over the amount I will drink. I am an alcoholic. In that is the immediate release and calm. It removes the fight. Then I had to fearlessly look at my nature behind the illness. My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic. I could not stop on my willpower alone. I tried. I admitted defeat and asked for help. I am 10 months and 4 days sober today.
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  • Posted

    a understand your question really, doesn't sound as if you want advice or help, youi just seem to want to binge now and again?  I was away for an overnight, and could tell immediately my husband had been drinking as soon as I cam home, he then went to bed about an hour after, and is still there almost 14 hours later, sleeping it off!  So what really is your question here? 
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    • Posted

      The question is this? How can I get nalmefene if Dr won't prescribe it? I've tried naltrexone and it's different . A very different drug. You have to take it every day unlike nalmefene
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    • Posted

      You are NEVER defeated by alcohol! My idiot alcoholic husband accuses me of controlling him, I point out it's not me it's the alcohol, but you can stop that! Help is out there for those who want it
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    • Posted

      I am defeated by alcohol. I've just gone 6 months, One binge and second one now. Doesn't stop the cravings occasionally though does it?
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    • Posted

      Depends what your definition of defeat is. I was and am defeated by alcohol. My life and thinking was also a mess behind the alcohol. I admitted defeat and went forward from there. I have sat with tormenting ghosts due to sudden withdrawal from alcohol due to being hospitalised with broken ribs, pancreatitis and a bleeding bowel after a four month bender. I have been in numerous jail cells due to alcohol. I have lost jobs, parents, friends, relationships. I have laid in the fetal postiton with my knees pulled up to my chest with the depair and fear on me trying to not drink. I drank every minute of every day apart from when I got a week on self-will and then always returned to the booze. It was destroying my life. It did destroy my life. I always drank again. The alcoholic life became the normal life and I was resigned to the fact of ending it all through drunken suicide or a knife. I was not always like this. I drank socially. This is a defeat though I told myself was still in control and had the booze by the balls and it was the anwer, I told myself this for years and I'm lucky to be alive. I gave in at the end of the last spree when I was in detox. The booze was the solution, not the problem. I was the problem. That's the nature of the disease. I am defeated by alcohol and I admitted that. I am 10 months and 4 days sober today. My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic.
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    • Posted

      You're not defeated enough if you're still drinking. The cravings disn;t stop for a few months. They did stop. During the cravings I had to go to any extreme to not drink. I talked to other alcoholics, I screamed. Argued. Cried. I didn't drink. It passed and I had another day. It is no longer like that. I asked for help and worked recovery.
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    • Posted

      I'm not here to convince you or persuade you that you might be alcoholic. I am only telling you my experience. The craving does stop. The obsession does stop. You remind me of me with the whineing and the fighting and the complaining. All marks of the underlying fear I experienced. Alcohol temporarily removes that.
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    • Posted

      You shouldn't judge people. I live in the day. Today I'm drinking. I probably wont be drinking tomorrow. Who knows?
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    • Posted

      Listen to me when I say, the two of you need to be more supportive not share invaluable info back and forth.

      I am on Naltrexone and over the past several months have noticed a much improved change in my attidute towards alcohol and the way it was destoying my life. It does take time and costs are high for the pill but not as much as I would spend on booze so I am ahead of the game. If you aren't comfortable with AA like I was, then seek counselling and see your doctor for the meds that will help you to cope with this disease.

      ALSO, look into the "Sinclair Method" and the "onelittlepill" video.

      If you PM Paul, maybe he'll send you a copy of it...and then your lives will get back on track.

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    • Posted

      Thank you, Tim. My life is certainly not on the straight and narrow though it is on track. Compared to drinking every day for 20+ years and today having 10 months and 4 day without a drink of alcohol. I wish you all the best with the Naltroxene. AA is not for everyone though I tried everything from self-will to jail to an asylum to psychology to rehab to an alcohol worker to therapy to drinming everyday and f*** it to detox. Longest I got off the alcohol was a few weeks. AA is the only solution for me that has given me a prolonged and still going length of sobriety. I don't like 98% of the perosnalities in AA. they did not get me sober. The 12 Step program of AA did.

       

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    • Posted

      It is for everyone who happens to be reading this forum Richard. Just don't like to see bickering on here. We ALL need help - that's we are here !!!
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    • Posted

      Didn't realise you were the forum guv'ner. I don't care if you don't like it. There are others on this forum, I agree.
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    • Posted

      I'm not sure what you mean by "pluralise lives"? You sometimes come across as aggressive and bitter. We on this forum are just wanting help and advice that's all really :-)
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    • Posted

      Of course I'm aggressive and bitter. I'm an alcoholic addict in early recovery. I listen to the excuses for drinking all day long from numbers of alcoholics, excuses which I used to make. I am sorry for being drawn into this debate, I wish you all well. I hang around with those that are living the solution and want help not ones that moan about having to drink and seek attention and do not have the courage, honesty or willingness to grab with both hands the solution that is offered. I have lved too long in the problem. I only hope you don't take the 'social' drinking down far enough and you get the help you so desparately seem to be seeking. I do sincerely wish you well and I apologise for harming you.
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    • Posted

      Amazing. I've just thought about what you wrote and I thank you. Truly, I thank you. I am bitter and agressive. I am not bitter and aggressive due to being in recovery. I am bitter and aggressive due to haveing a stammer since the age of 11, due to not getting th place at university I wanted, bitter about losing girlfriends, not having certain friends, bitter about the friends I did have, bitter about sh*te jobs, bitter about politics, bitter about my parents need to control, bitter about my Dad's lack of encouragement, bitter about society and it's rules, bitter that they got and I didn't, bitter about being an alcoholic, bitter about not being able to drink and use like 'normal' people. This bitterness comes out in aggression. It is this that is the prblem. this bitterness and aggression has fuelled me and been the catalyst for my drinking all these years. This is the nature of my alcoholism. This resentment and lask of control is the problem. The alcohol and drugs were the solution. I am sorry for venting my bitterness and agression, my nature at you. It was wrong of me. I apologise. I admit my bitterness and aggression and the accompanying brood of other negativities of my nature. I will work to not behave like that and I will practise the opposite. I do sincerely thank you for saying that and for pointing out. This is my alcoholism and I am realising this. The more this gets revealed and removed, the further away from the need to drink I get. Remarkable as I used to drink heavily every minute of every day and only stop when I passed out or something or someone else stopped me, Thank you and good luck in your recoveries.

       

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    • Posted

      Tim was addressing us both. He told us both and suggested "and then your lives will get back on track." Plural of lives suggesting he was talking to us both.
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    • Posted

      Richard, thank you for your honesty. There are people who need this site to get out their frustrations with additions...period.

      We all need the support, that is why we are here.Your bitterness reminds me...OF ME. I feel helpless in my quest, other than here. My medical community is sometimes clueless as to our situations...they listen but don't have the proper training.

      I think Paul has said it best - "it isn't our fault". It is a disposition of everything addictive, we are born with it and fight it forever.

      Good health to all, Tim

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    • Posted

      Hi. Thanks for your honesty and you haven't offended me at all. Sorry to hear of you struggles. The most important fact is you haven't drank for over 9 months which is a miracle for you. Carry on working the programme and these resentments will disappear. You are very lucky to have found your own path to sobriety and can help others to now. Massive congratulations to you :-)
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