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Relationships suffering

Posted , 13 users are following.

katharine81627
katharine81627

This condition is so complex and affects so many areas of our lives... Does anyone else find their relationships with their partners suffers because of this condition?

I find I have so little energy, and effort to give at the end of every day. Is it just me?

6 likes, 38 replies

38 Replies

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  • Bee70
    Bee70 katharine81627

    Posted

    Hi Katharine

    After suffering for over 20 yrs and only being diagnosed Aug 2014, I can say my relationship with my husband has not been easy sailing.

    Along with family politics and my pains we drifted apart many times. It's only because my husband just didn't know how to help me and felt helpless.  Even now since the diagnosis he is still trying to comes to terms with it but is more supportive than ever before.

    You need to put yourself first and get your strength back up.  Have you tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) that really helped me with my mindfulness of my thought process and then talking over with my husband my needs. Its not easy for them either as they feel no matter how hard they try to understand they never will. It's not the sympathy we want but just the support.

    I say one day at a time and be positive and get your partner to find out more about fibro in his own way. Also give him time to absorb the info.

    Gentle hugs and hope you both can wotk things out. wink x

  • charlotte1824
    charlotte1824 katharine81627

    Posted

    Definitely, I was once a fun loving person who loved to get out and socialise. Now I like to be at home and dread having to pull myself together in front of others on a regular basis.

    I'm generally in a good made and can have a laugh and a joke but some days I'm very quiet from pain or in tears cos I can no longer take it or sometimes just downright angry at the situation.

    I also feel to tired or in to much pain to want the intimate side of things which is very hard on my partner.

    He has after 6-7 yrs just started to get it, he's quite understanding now but he doesn't REALLY get it. If he gets a sore back or pulls a muscle exercising he moans a lot like a man does and I do find myself thinking, now imagin having that everywhere everyday for no logical reason, I try not to say that but I have a few times. He does make allowances for me but he doesn't fully understand and never will. I wish he could live a month in my shoes just to see what it's like.

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 charlotte1824

      Posted

      Hi Charlotte; you have put "everything" down that I would have answered....especially re the "intimacy"......my husband says he knows "my body is f....,"  but still feels that his needs , and yes mine too, need meeting.....but when in pain/too tired (just want to go to sleep/rest), and this is not how our relationship was upto the time when I became inwell.....it only seems to apply to the children, for him...he says to tell them "that I can't do .....whatever they want", but then in next breath, needs me to do what I have always previously done for him.....he is good re the household duties, but there are other times, that I still feel "that he still Just doesn't get it".....and yes to the Point re if he has hurt himself/suffering from the "flu"  (which we all put in our list of symptoms"......we certainly hear about the "aches etc"....I have achieved the little that I have, by giving my immediate family (can't be bothered with siblings as they have guilt issues re how I became this way) ...Printouts on any significant info; but, as we all know, that Unless they/anyone has this condition, cannot fully understand, as they do not feel the same....I guess it would be the same with any condition....unless we/they have experienced the condition, none of us would understand their feelings etc???    We have gained empathy for others, but not the Real pain/issues that come with a condition............rolleyesBron
  • ingrid19972
    ingrid19972 katharine81627

    Posted

    I feel the same about my relationship,it sounds harsh but sometimes I just can't be bothered to make an effort .i feel that sometimes he must think I am a real misery .i suppose for them it's hard because he always says how well I look.i don't know about you but I even put friends off its like too much trouble.its lovely to talk to other people who understand
  • TeresaJS
    TeresaJS katharine81627

    Posted

    Hi Kath, yes, and not only in domestic terms friends too seem to think we're not trying hard enough or are lazy. I agree with Bee... good therapy and reorganising priorities is key.  If your partner is open to learn you can slowly teach him about this condition. take care. Teresa.
  • kaz_40
    kaz_40 katharine81627

    Posted

    Hi Katherine 81627 Your not a lone where relationships are struggling, my husband has just this miniute informed me of having no idea of what Im going through he said he doesnt understand. Hes left me speechless and upset. all hes bothered about is us being invited to a flaming BQ on sat.Hes seen how ill Ive been and having to have carers in not being able to walk and talk. Hes read up on fibro he knows all the symptoms if he doesnt understand now after a year? just so upset at the miniute. the people you would think would understand dont. the way Im feeling at the min Id sonner be on my own. take care gentle hugs xx 
    • TeresaJS
      TeresaJS kaz_40

      Posted

      Be firm girl: your wellbeing first. Remember the experts saying that people with fibro have a  "no" problem. Sleep soundly with the angels. XX
    • SteV3
      SteV3 kaz_40

      Posted

      Hi Kaz 40,

      We meet again, I'll keep it quiet.. wink

      Have I ever sent you the BMJ on Fibromyalgia (British Medical Journal) - it's 17 pages on the disorder and is very informative, probably the best edition regarding this disorder. Ask you husband to read it, he will see Fibromyalgia from a very new perspective, not like ones you normally see around the internet, this is written by doctors and professionals from around the world.

      Regards,

      Les.

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 SteV3

      Posted

      Hi les no youve never sent me that but would be grateful if you would. hope are you? congratulations on being married 25 years. Ive been married 11 years but known dave 28 years .  take care regards karen
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 kaz_40

      Posted

      Hi Kaz, I didn't realise you were so low, but your not on your own. I think overall I have a really good relationship with my husband but it's definitely not the same as when we met. Gone is the fiercely independent woman who loved the outdoors and sports. Now it takes me all my time to get out of bed some days. Ours is very much a functional relationship rather than the intimate and carefree relationship of old. He is first and foremost my carer and I resent every single ounce of what my health has robbed us of. I know he doesn't understand it either but I'm thankful he doesn't hold it against me either. You know you can talk to me xx
    • lisa52101
      lisa52101 SteV3

      Posted

      Hi Les, maybe I'm being a little cheeky here but would you send me the BMJ article too please. There are a number of people that I know who really don't get what I'm going through, or others with fibromyalgia for that matter, including my husband. He tries really hard but by his own admission he doesn't understand what I'm going through. 

      Much appreciated, Lisa 

    • bronwyn97278
      bronwyn97278 kaz_40

      Posted

      I'm going to tell you ALL, that yes we too have had our hard times...but heading for 40 years of marriage.....seems soooooo long ago that we walked "down the aisle", so I guess you can all understand     That, yes, our relationship is certainly A LOT different to then....no too old, just so different.....Bron
    • Flowerlady
      Flowerlady bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Hello Bronwyn

      I can beat you there, we had our 40th wedding anniversary in March. Yes, then times were so different then. And at that time we only 18 getting married. Now, my eldest grndson is 18 and he would'nt dream of getting married so young. How times change.

    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 lisa52101

      Posted

      Hi Lisa bit of understanding and support goes along way especially with our condition. when the 1 person who has seen what youve gone thru over the years doesnt understand and suddenly annonced it last night. I was just so hurt and shocked. if a BBQ is more importand well that says it all. Ive never been dependant on any 1 but since having fibro all that has changed I feel like Im a burden.my husband I think is struggling he can cope with work thats it. we have had alot going on over the years and of late. which doesnt help matters. hey ho onwards upwards I agree with you it is more now like a functual relationship. take care hun gentle hugs xx 
    • kaz_40
      kaz_40 bronwyn97278

      Posted

      Hi Bronwyn 40  years  our relationship is certainly different to how it was 11 years ago. been married 11 12 this year known each other 28 years. 
    • Suzi59
      Suzi59 SteV3

      Posted

      Hi Les....I'm new to this site and happened upon your post.  I would be so appreciative if you would be kind enough to send me that BMJ article on Fibromyalgia.  I'm always in search of anything informative I can find on this syndrome, as I was diagnosed approx. 5 years ago.  Hoping it may better help explain the complexity of Fibromyalgia to my family.  Congrats on your 25 yr. marriage!!  I've been married 30 years to a wonderful man who is my rock !!  You seem to have a great attitude on your health issues, which I believe is so important in getting by.  Wishing you improved health and good days ahead !! 
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