Relationships suffering
Posted , 13 users are following.
This condition is so complex and affects so many areas of our lives... Does anyone else find their relationships with their partners suffers because of this condition?
I find I have so little energy, and effort to give at the end of every day. Is it just me?
6 likes, 38 replies
TeresaJS katharine81627
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SteV3 katharine81627
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Well, I haven't got Fibromyalgia - but my disorders are very complex, and progressively become worse over the years.
We've just celebrated our Silver Wedding Anniversary 25 years!! Yeh, we reached that one!! We been together since 1989, I was diagnosed way before then. We went on and had 3 children, 2 boys and a daughter! Yes, I had energy back then.
We have many, how shall I put it disagreements over the years. We've never got to the point of splitting up, and we always make up anyway.
As you get older, I found things like standing impossible for just a few seconds, but I suppose it depends on you and your partner and understanding them, and what they can and cannot do. It is not like we want anymore kids at our age, well my age, 52 - my wife is 6 years younger than me.
Everyone we meet in hospitals for appointments say they never known such a couple that can have a laugh at their patners expense. To be honest, life is to short as they say, I might be disabled in many ways, but we still have a laugh.
Socializing is another matter, neither of us really do that now - even though, we are giving it another go, but this was because of my doctor's orders! lol
My brother and his wife and child is another case, they are going through a really messy divorce and both of them are supposed to be reborn again Christians, yet if you met them you wouldn't even think he is my brother!! Everyone is surprised, I don't have much to do with either of them, they are both as bad as one another, and tried to bring me into the divorce, which even includes blackmailing, embezzlement, abuse, etc the list just goes on and on. They been married 14 years just, and even that was a mess - personally, I don't think they were capatible in the first place.
My wife cares for me 24/7 - she keeps me in order and well looked after, I couldn't wish for anyone better.
Regards,
Les.
Flowerlady SteV3
Posted
Angel51 katharine81627
Posted
Just wish I had some pearls of wisdom to impart... unfortunately I don't.
Well maybe this though.....and that's to keep the communication lines open as much as possible.... whenever possible.
Am thinking of you and hoping things get a little better, for you both.
Angie x
Redz-Sha katharine81627
Posted
I'm 46 now found out 5/6 years ago I had fibromyalgia, but
took 10 year before they diagnose me,
no it not just you & yes it did take its toll on my relationship that's Definitely a fact why we split, because I went from a fun loving person who loved to get out and socialise, to someone who couldnt be bothered /plus in so much pain .... I didn't want him touching me & he took it that I was rejecting him ......but I found out after I split that I had fibromyalgia!! But to be honest , I wasn't nice to be around at the time....
I'm now with someone who understand to a certain degree but he thinks when I'm having really bad flare ups ( cos as we all know no 2 days are the same),
he doesn't always understand if I'm tears cos I can no longer take pain or sometimes just nasty/ angry cos I can't do things I could use to do( like housework~ could do whole house in a day, now got to do it over 3 days) also feel to tired or in to much pain to want the intimate side of things with him....which is very hard on him, but he say it's nice to cwtch( cuddle) but another time he may say ....
Pull yourself together there's a lot of people worse of than you ... Lol calls it tough love, stop feeling sorry for yourself, He read up about conditions which helped him understand a it more
Now IF I do go out I've got to make sure there's going to be seats Can not stand for long( rather be at home to be honest) he do huff & puff the. Lol, cos I work ( been off for 6 months, but just gone back having to pretend everything's ok & remind myself to pull myself together in front of people on a regular basis( I'm an hairdresser) is hard ... So when I get home really don't want to do anything
sending healing hugs your way xx
HOTpicks99 katharine81627
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Trev1264 katharine81627
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charlotte1824 Trev1264
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Youve also made me feel better as although i always ran around in terms of life i have never been an avid gym bunny and i have been contstantly blaming myself that had i just eaten better or done excercise daily in my earlier years then i wouldnt of ended up like this.
katharine81627
Posted
Sending gentle hugs x
Bee70 katharine81627
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One day the sleep will happen and the pains will lessen. My positive and calm way of dealing with my day to day life. One day and moment at a time.
Gentle hugs to you too. x
bronwyn97278 Bee70
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kaz_40 katharine81627
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lisa52101 katharine81627
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Take. care xx
anne90395 katharine81627
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What an interesting discussion. I have read peoples post with both sadness and joy. i have recently (last week), split with my partner of 3 years. Diagnosis after 1 year with him. Supportive etc, found out all about it, but still couldn't hack it. He didn't really understand. So hats off to all partners who stick with you.
Take care, Anne
SteV3 anne90395
Posted
I guess from a man's point of view, it's harder to take in, I mean emotionally. I been through hell with ups and downs over the years, but all couples have disagreements, I think it must be more to it, from a guys view. I am a guy, I know I can have really bad days, I don't have Fibromyalgia - and my disorders and symptoms are probably much worse.
My wife and I, both understand my illness is progressively becoming worse, even I have I noticed it and so have my family. But, I have always kept them informed on what to expect. I guess if you have a real good bond with your partner then I cannot see why they have problems understanding, that is my view though.
Regards,
Les.
kaz_40 anne90395
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bronwyn97278 SteV3
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SteV3 bronwyn97278
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You do raise some interesting points - personalities do change over the years, as we grow older we become wiser. That "honeymoon phase" lasted quite awhile with us, but I think it phased out after our last child. Shes 14 now, our first daughter - she has been totally different to bring up than our two boys whom are 20 and 24. She is very demanding, nothing like our two sons. Emotionally, I break down quite often over the slightest thing, whether its anxiety or stress I don't really know. I am under a Psychologist at the moment, whom are tying to find why I have changed like I have lately. No one knows yet if it is medication or medical related. I am always depressed lately, my wife has high blood pressure probably because of me, but that may be me just thinking that, I am always thinking lately I'm a burden on the family, course my wife thinks my Psychologist will be able to help.
Regards,
Les.
kaz_40 SteV3
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bronwyn97278 SteV3
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SteV3 bronwyn97278
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Financial... I would not say that, in my case I had an accident a few years before I even met my wife. I was earning good money, doing 16hr shifts and thinking nothing of it, that job meant the world to me, mainly because I had about another 6 months to go, before going to the USA to work, but that was not meant to be in my case. I often sit back and wonder "what if?" - but no one knows what is around the corner, so to speak.
Me and finance do not get on at all... I used to do all the financial side of things before running us up in to thousands of pounds of debt, the stupid part about it was, I knew there was money in the bank or on a credit card, so if I seen something that caught my eye I'd just buy it. Of course, some of those items were bought on loans, but because my name was in the green, I had no problems with credit checks, etc. I ran up very large debts in very small amounts of time... in the end. I had to stop, I couldn't afford to get more because I could not afford what I had. I counted up all the creditors, all 18 of them in my name and just three in my wifes name, so 21 creditors all wanting to be paid.... we managed for about 6 years, a few i managed to clear - 6 were wrote off this year on medical grounds, because of my disorders are progressively becoming worse, every year more adaptions are being done, they have all helped, and we know who to contact should I require further assistance (not financially!!). At the moment my OT is pushing a DFG through for a Clos-o-mat (bidet) and a riser / decliner chair - these two items are needed because my legs just seizes up in one position, and my wife finds it very difficult to lift me, so do paramedics (I'm 6'2" and about 14 stone), the guy that was doing the statement for the Clos-o-mat asked why we had not had the whole room as a shower room. We have a shower and a bath, i can have a shower but I have to be sat down on the shower chair - we got a bath, with a electric bath lift, only because I cannot get in the bath. But we wanted left as it was, a DFG covers up to £25,000 of alterations per year per property, the Clos-o-mat is £7,000 just on its own, and the Riser / Recliner Chair was £700 but that was done through a company of trustees on a grant.
If I need a bath I have to ask my wife to get the battery pack, its a unit thats left in the hallway near a plug socket.
Bathing me, well that takes a good hour - it doesn't help when your legs, ankles and feet are all swollen, a slight touch feels like someone has punched your leg.
My wife does all the financial things now, it is better that way, she works out everything in advance. We are about to drop our whole TV side of Virginmedia, because they are putting up their prices again! We still got 4 months left on the contract but because they have breached it, we don't have to pay the £160 cancellation fee! So, now we will be looking at alternatives other than Sky.... been with them and they are just as bad for price hiking!
At the moment I'm not feeling too bad, bungalow is quiet, cats are out and our little dog is asleep. I had all my tablets for the day, and they make me drowsey anyway.
I better get off here before I headbutt the keyboard and wake myself up too much....lol
If you noticed, this happens I have started writing about something then just go entirely off track, part of my problem, sometimes I notice it, other times I don't.
Anyway, night all...
Regards,
Les.
bronwyn97278 SteV3
Posted