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Sadness

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natacha66
natacha66

So I am due to go in on Friday for my hysteroscopy and my man just dumped me.

He said things changed and he's not feeling it anymore. We just came back from holiday with my 16 yr old daughter and his 11 yr old son ( that acts like a 5yr old but the father doesn't ever say anything or disciplines him. I keep my mouth shut and don't say anything as it is not my kid and I don't have to live with him.

But here I am with all my menopause symptoms coming back because I stopped HRT, anxious and tearful, due to go in for the test on 2/9, we were suppose to go together to Israel for a wedding now he bailed out of it.

At the same time sad I feel a bit of relief.

The man doubled his drinking consumption, drinking 40 units per week and smokes like a chimney. When I would see him it would be the same routine him smoking and drinking himself stupid and eating at the pub. I would never complain, was truly quite complacent and easy going. Nonetheless out of the blue he comes out with I am not feeling it any more.

Any of you been through this??

0 likes, 33 replies

33 Replies

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  • alison28608
    alison28608 natacha66

    Posted

    You are frightened of what is ahead of you at a time when your self esteem is so low. Normal at this time of life. But, you are worth a hundered times better than this selfish idiot. He has not given you the love and support you needed, then walks out implying its you thats at fault. Forget him. He is bringing you down and he certainly does not sound like a good catch. When you are ready, you will find someone who respects you and your opinions. We should not lead a life where we need to keep quiet to avoid upseting someone we love. Good luck with your op. You will be better for eliminating the bad things in you life. Now, the better life is waiting for you when you are ready.
    • natacha66
      natacha66 alison28608

      Posted

      So much love and support.i cannot fault the relationship we had a great time together. I believe his demons came back to attack him in the last months. I am not making excuses for him just being honest. The change I saw when I told him about the scan results. Even sex stopped then. The cuddles lessened.

      I told him he was not born to be a father or in a relationship if at their moment of need he is t there.

      I remember asking him if I ever got ill would he support me and he said of course, seeing as it as a hypothetical question. When the time came the of course turned into never mind u will be ok. When I got food poisoning in Spain he had to mind his kid and mine(not that she really needed it) but this as well became overwhelming for him. When with his son he never does anything constructive. All he does is sit listening to music, having a smoke and a beer while the kid plays Xbox.

      I was the one always coming out with ideas and things to do. Never did I interfere I. His weekends with his kid and respected his wishes.

      But u right when u say having to mind what we say is not a good sign.

      As I said I buried a child and survived it, I will survive this.

    • natacha66
      natacha66 alison28608

      Posted

      We don't have much of an option do we?

      We have to carry on. The last thing is my daughters having a mum down in the dumps. What will crying and suffering help me with. While I am in a state the man is getting on with his life and not caring. So what do I gain with it?

      I am off to Israel Monday and my 18yr old is coming with me and we will be together in a beautiful country. I shall go to the wailing wall and pray and seek guidance.

      In life nothing happens for no reason. I had 2 good years. But what if these 2 good years were to change into years of sadness with him?

      I am going to focus on my health, my work, kids and animals no have great friends and a very supportive family.

      Yes it is nice to have a companion and I know in my heart I will have one.

      Good things come to those who wait.

      Xx

  • marilyn09094
    marilyn09094 natacha66

    Posted

    Hi so sorry you need support now, what a selfish man just when you needed him, sounds as if you have been tonice to him, so sorry about your loss you are strong and will bounce back soon, take time for yourself, good luck xx
    • natacha66
      natacha66 marilyn09094

      Posted

      I am sad but calm. Moments I cry, moments I go in a haze.

      I think ever since I told him about seeing the GP and the tests something triggered off in him.

      It's life. God always testing me to see how far I can go.

      X

  • cynthia00141
    cynthia00141 natacha66

    Posted

    I think sadness and uproar are a big part of hormonal changes at this time. Hormones control everything from libido to mood swings. I know women who divorced at this time in life. I feel for you. We all get it. Just keep plugging along the best you can. Eat healthy, avoid processed foods, exercise, etc. All these will help with the unbalance you feel. I sent you an email also.
  • kathryn81522
    kathryn81522 natacha66

    Posted

    I broke up with an alcoholic and am better for it, esp.since I am going through all this perimenopause crap. Who needs the extra stress? Good luck to you and I think you'll be happier in the long run.

    • natacha66
      natacha66 kathryn81522

      Posted

      How much did he drink?

      Mine was on about 40'units per week and chain smoking.

      His dad died from smoking and drinking think

      This one might be on the same path.

  • Sochima822
    Sochima822 natacha66

    Posted

    Hi Natcha, I dumped a man with the exact same bad smoke & drinking habit as yours. He was a total drunk, to the point that one time on a date he fell to the floor. It was the most embarrassing date I've ever experienced. Anyhow, when he decided he would go clean, to stop smoking and drinking, within a few days after starting a gym with a personal trainer he crooked over and died.

    I think you're better off without that type of man. I'm sure you'll find one who's better suited for you. But I know how you feel that you gave it your best, but did you really? Not saying anything to a man who insults your daughter, nor about his son and giving into tolerance I don't think is actually good as far as relationships go. I would have been ticked off if he would have said that to my daughter, because it feeds into negativity without giving any reinforcement to try better. 

    I'm more communicative when it comes to relationships, because the minute you skip one liittle thing that was bothersome, it could build up and harbor resentment.

    For now focus on you and in time you'll find someone new.

    • natacha66
      natacha66 Sochima822

      Posted

      Hello

      Yes u have a valid point. We were in Spain and I didn't want to start an argument in a restaurant.

      I have kept my mouth shut on some occasions but brought them up later trying to make it clear how I felt. I believe in communication.

      This one would drink but seemed immune to getting drunk. There was also another substance that he would smoke in addition to the normal smoking and drinking.

      I can't complain of the 2 yrs they were mostly good, we got on well, laughed and travelled.

      I am not trying to understand why the change suddenly because he couldn't even explain it.

      It is useless, the main thing is to get on with life. I want to be an example (oooooh hot flash now) to my girls and show them that a man is good but life goes on after them.

      I don't think I have tears to shed. Shed some but nothing neurotic.

      What can we do?

      Nothing. And the fact that he did this before my test and cancelled coming with me to Israel, just shows how considerate he is.

      Men!

    • steve75571
      steve75571 natacha66

      Posted

      Not ALL men, we had a good loving relationship, as soon as peri hit, I knew what the signs were as I've done a hell of a lot of reading up the on it, I was being really supportive and caring to show her I was there for her during this difficult time.

      The more I tried the more I got pushed back, in one post on this thread someone wrote :

      I know women who divorced at this time in life

      Thats what happend to me, as I said 10+ years of good loving relationship gone.

      If my partner had had any problems / medical issues there's no way I would have left her

    • natacha66
      natacha66 steve75571

      Posted

      My relationship with him was good Steve. I really thought that this time I was being blessed. If I stop to think he came into my life at a point where Jess was self harming and severely depressed and Gabs was self harming too. He gave me the strength I needed then. Now the girls are older and wiser and I am calmer.

      He walked away because he chose his drink, fags and his never mind attitude because this is who he is. I never intended to change or aided for anything. I just wanted a companion to share things. Which I did for 2 yrs.

      we didn't see each other everyday we had our days due to work and it was always nice. But even when I would go to his house in another city the odd weekend he would just sleep, smoke, drink and watch TV. we would go

      To the pub, for walks now and then or he would go do an odd job for some people.

      So only after I mentioned the health issue of having to go to and have investigations

      Done he began to change.

      I as well would stand by my partner's side. But not all people are the same.

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