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Hi - I am 45 and in January of this year I had a period that spotted at the end for over a week, hormone testing showed menopause, blood test six weeks later showed normal FSH levels. So deduced the spotting was perimenopause. I have had regular periods all year but they are different, sometimes heavy, sometimes spotting a lot before or after. They just don't 'flow' the same. Cycle lengths also vary, from my previous normal of 25/26 to 21, 37, 24, 25 and a couple that were only 17/18 days apart.
After the last short gap and a heavier flow, I got a bit worried and went to the GP to tell her, she said it is typical of perimenopause to see this pattern but also useful to check there aren't any structural reasons for irregular bleeding and to have a transvaginal ultrasound. I have this coming up this week.
I was fine about it until today and now I am a nervous wreck, worried out of my mind what they will find and just feel so vulnerable about the scan itself.
I am no good at gynae things, I have not had children and the whole thing brings up feelings of naievity and a sense 'there is something wrong with me'. I know this is irrational because at the end of the day the Dr is just checking that perimenopause hormonal stuff is the cause and I should be relieved if it is and that will help but...........I can't stop worrying.
I have only had a transvaginal exam once, about 15 years ago, it wasn't pleasant, only because I was scared when the personal scanning told me she couldn't find an ovary, then she did, that they were healthy but I had a mass on my uterus which was a fibroid. At the time I didn't know what that was all about and she wouldn't tell me - the DR then explained a week later that it was on the outside and nothing to worry about. I have also had two burst ovarian cysts in my life and a cervical polyp which was removed a couple of years ago.
Basically anything unknown scares me and language and procedures that I feel I should understand, but I don't. I have been reading about the higher chance of uterine cancer, ovarian cancer etc after mid 40's and scared myself wondering if the bleeding can be any of these and imagining that the scan will reveal 'bad' news and what will come next. Basically I feel out of control with all the unknowns and am sure I am over anxious as the majority of scans don't reveal serious things.
The Dr mentioned the possibility of uterine polyps or fibroids, the first might need removing and the second they would leave as they tend to shrink after menopause.
Seriously, I need some logical thoughts to hold onto here, I am just terrified of bad news and the person saying or looking a certain way during the scan and either saying something or me thinking the worst etc.
I have had several traumatic events in my life where I thought all was well and it turned out not to be - not with me, but my family and realise that this has left a mark on me, thinking that this is generally what happens. Bad news comes out of the blue when you think all is well and 'normal'.
Honestly the thought of the whole thing feels so alien to me, I am ready to avoid doing it - which I won't. Can someone share with me how routine this is and perhaps if my bleeding pattern is anything to worry about because I really didn't think it was. It is still sort of cyclical but definately different.
Feeling so scared and also stupid. How can I be a grown woman with these irrational fears
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