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Had scan today - the young lady was very kind. I can contact the doctors next week for results.
Walked out and just burst into tears. The waiting room was busy so I gave them something to laugh about. Had an embarrassing moment at a friends last night. I had braved it out - (took me 10 minutes to knock on the door.
Then I totally flooded my underwear and jeans with an untimely period?!!
I left the hospital and just wanted to go back to bed. Husband wanted to go for breakfast!! He reminded me he kindly picked me up this morning and it would be nice to do. I agree with this but not with how I was feeling.
I try and explain but I'm not doing a very good job of it lol. In the restaurant again I was the entertainment for others- Not through choice. I got very upset - I could not stop the tears - hubby frustrated with me ( rather loudly) what have you got to cry about??
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
I wanted to hide under the table. ( I do have a bulging disc - to add to the pile) which has not helped.
Finally got home and just wanted to go to bed.
It was only midday.
Totally drained and feeling so low the panic and dread of work tomorrow started to make my head and heart pound. The awful thoughts drenched my mind - breathing got harder- thoughts of not being good enough at work tomorrow ( on a phased return to work due to disc).so I feel like I'm being tested -- paranoia or what!!!!
This has to stop? I laid my head on the pillow.
The next I knew it was two hours later.
Felt a bit wobbly but much better than earlier.
Hubby bought up a cup of tea saying - this is not meant to make you cry but it's OK if you do I'm trying to understand!!
We locked eyes and for that split second we smiled.- then I cried!!!!!
What a roller-coaster of a day.
Managed a walk before the rain.
Had tea as a family and yes more tears.
Ok if I'm going to do lots of crying that's the way it is. I will have to stop what people are thinking or that I have ruined their day as that makes me feel worse and I wonder if people are worried about me when they see me in tears - I doubt it.
Let's see what Monday brings x
Hope it made you smile ladies and please do laugh I know your laughing with me.
Big hugs all.
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