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Scan day

Posted , 9 users are following.

sazzie42
sazzie42

Hey ladies

Had scan today - the young lady was very kind. I can contact the doctors next week for results.

Walked out and just burst into tears. The waiting room was busy so I gave them something to laugh about. Had an embarrassing moment at a friends last night. I had braved it out - (took me 10 minutes to knock on the door.

Then I totally flooded my underwear and jeans with an untimely period?!!

I left the hospital and just wanted to go back to bed. Husband wanted to go for breakfast!! He reminded me he kindly picked me up this morning and it would be nice to do. I agree with this but not with how I was feeling.

I try and explain but I'm not doing a very good job of it lol. In the restaurant again I was the entertainment for others- Not through choice. I got very upset - I could not stop the tears - hubby frustrated with me ( rather loudly) what have you got to cry about??

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

I wanted to hide under the table. ( I do have a bulging disc - to add to the pile) which has not helped.

Finally got home and just wanted to go to bed.

It was only midday.

Totally drained and feeling so low the panic and dread of work tomorrow started to make my head and heart pound. The awful thoughts drenched my mind - breathing got harder- thoughts of not being good enough at work tomorrow ( on a phased return to work due to disc).so I feel like I'm being tested -- paranoia or what!!!!

This has to stop? I laid my head on the pillow.

The next I knew it was two hours later.

Felt a bit wobbly but much better than earlier.

Hubby bought up a cup of tea saying - this is not meant to make you cry but it's OK if you do I'm trying to understand!!

We locked eyes and for that split second we smiled.- then I cried!!!!!

What a roller-coaster of a day.

Managed a walk before the rain.

Had tea as a family and yes more tears.

Ok if I'm going to do lots of crying that's the way it is. I will have to stop what people are thinking or that I have ruined their day as that makes me feel worse and I wonder if people are worried about me when they see me in tears - I doubt it.

Let's see what Monday brings x

Hope it made you smile ladies and please do laugh I know your laughing with me.

Big hugs all.

3 likes, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • sazzie42
    sazzie42

    Posted

    Stop worrying what others are thinking that should read.
  • maisie05
    maisie05 sazzie42

    Posted

    Oh deary me, what our hormones and emotions put us through. Sounds as though you have a lovely caring family. Lots of cups of tea and hugs and keep strong.

    Spare panties in your handbag from now on! 😘

    • sazzie42
      sazzie42 maisie05

      Posted

      Yes definitely spare knickers and maybe a pair of trousers. I was totally embarrassed.

      Thank you for your kind words x 😊

  • jamie50513
    jamie50513 sazzie42

    Posted

    It's your hormones party and you can cry if you want to.
  • elizabeth2244
    elizabeth2244 sazzie42

    Posted

    Hi sazzie

    I understand what you are going through. I have been working a lot myself with problem. 

    I have a heal spur on my right foot and my left foot has inflamation in it on the ball of the foot. I also have carpel tunnel in my hands and yesterday was the worst for me. Both my hands were going numb badly. I went to work yesterday and at work i got a little dizzy and shaky and weak like my sugar went down so i asked my manager for a ginger ale and i went to sit down for a while then i went back to my work duties and finished my shift. 

    Today i called in sick for the first time but i do not want to make a habbit of this. All day my hands have been going numb off and on today. 

    All i did was sleep with how tired a draged out i am. 

    I am also in menopause and i have been cramping all all week feeling like i am going to have a period because i have symptoms of leakage and bathroom problems and that always occurs before i do have a period 

    So i understand how you feel about just crying it out because i just come home from work and i am in pain all i do is cry it out to make me feel better 

    Elizabeth

  • Guest
    Guest sazzie42

    Posted

    I just want to offer you a hug and a box of tissues.  (((Sazzie)))
    • elizabeth2244
      elizabeth2244 sazzie42

      Posted

      So how you doing sazzie did you read mine Sometimes you just have to cry it out and it helps 

      I pray that you have a better week 

      Elizabeth

  • Guest
    Guest sazzie42

    Posted

    You poor thing....i havent had any 'flooding' accidents yet. But my poor mum did years ago.....all over a friends newly upholstered white chair. She was mortified. I understand the emotional upheaval though. I have days that are so bad I think I am getting severe depression. Then other days I am pinging with anxiety. Then I have normal days when it goes away. Its exhausting. When I have a bad day I dread going to work the next day but force myself to as I don't want to give in to it. (Even though I shake inside and sweat the whole time!)

    And don't think peoplr are laughing at you....mist people would want to help you not laugh.

    You aren't alone. X

  • michellemybell
    michellemybell sazzie42

    Posted

    😢😢😢😢😢

    Us women do.go.through it.

    I keep crying lately

  • looloo43
    looloo43 sazzie42

    Posted

    Hi sazzie42. Big cuddly hug to you firstly. I am sure people will not be laughing at you when you are in tears - I know it's hugely embaressing for you, but people will not be laughing. & you need to try to stop worrying about what other people may or may not be thinking . I hate to see people upset. I know the peri/meno can bring total lack of control on emotions, mood, concentration, & normal level-headedness. It all adds to massive frustration, so no bloody wonder we need to cry! It has to come out of us somehow! How old are you sazzie, do you still have your uterus & are you on any kind of hrt yet? when did your peri begin approx? Was it a transvaginal ultrasound scan you had? (so sorry if you have posted all this on another post, I cannot remember). & sorry for all the questions, just trying to see if I can help with anything! xxx
    • sazzie42
      sazzie42 looloo43

      Posted

      Hi looloo

      Yes it was for a transvaginal scan. I am 44 and it all started about 6 months ago. I thought at first it was trauma dealing with a prolapsed disc and not getting help from any doctor or hospital with that. And then I kept bleeding for weeks and would jot stop crying then the panic set in and I was too afraid to go out or see any one. I totally cut myself off. I still have my uterus. I ended up in a n e and a lady doctor suggested that I asked gp to order certain tests.

      I went to work today but felt totally overwhelmed. I'm on a phased return due to back but I feel so scared when I return to full hours x cheers for text. If you can think of anything that may help please let me know.

      Sazzie42 x

    • looloo43
      looloo43 sazzie42

      Posted

      Hi sazzie. How is your return to work going? I know how you feel about being totally overwhelmed, & worrying you won't be good enough at your job(you said in an earlier post). As a rock solid "people pleaser" myself, I totally understand how you feel. I have been off sick with colitis for a few weeks now, & already I can feel the thoughts of "I don't think I'll even be upto expectations/have the physical ability to do my job well" creeping in. My peri symptoms have got alot better (particularly the mental ones & headaches) since I started hrt on 1/4/16, but I still don't feel truly tested if these are better until I get back to work in my normal routine & everyday stress to deal with . before i got sick again, I was bursting into tears for no reason, losing my temper with people & having panic attacks - all at work!!!, so although my peri symptoms feel better now - i really need to be back in my normal everyday routine ie going to work, to fully test/trust the symptoms have got better with the hrt. I also think if you are off work sick for a while, your confidence in your own abilities drop- I certainly find this when I get a flare of colitis & have been off. I worry that nobody will want me on their team because I get colitis flares from time to time resulting in absence. I worry what people with think of me. But, 6yrs ago I had CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) as I have had multiple bouts of anxiety/depression since my 20's. Although I still get these destructive thoughts as above, CBT taught me to stop those thoughts in their tracks, & not "what if, what if, what if". And only to deal with whats immediately in front of you, not what might or MIGHT NOT happen in the future. Such a useful thought process to help you stop getting dragged down by anxious & negative thoughts. Have you spoken to your doc about hrt? Also the hrt has eliminated ALL the irregular bleeding I had been having for the last 18-24mths. my doc said hormone blood tests are useless as hormone levels fluctuate so much- even hour to hour! Most gp's now diagnose peri/meno by age & list of symptoms/changes. Hope this helps hun. Be kind to yourself & understand these weird things happening to you are not you - they're mother bloody nature!! xxx
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