Scared and emotional :(

Posted , 10 users are following.

I so wish I was looking forward to getting this op done but I'm not sad I feel like I want to run away and hide!

I keep thinking I'm ok I don't NEED this op, as I have good days when things are 'ok' but then when I think about my symptoms (though they are much less than some of you lovely ladies) I realise that I do need to have it as although my symptoms are 'manageable' it is only through meds, a great hubby and a very understanding manager at work, I really can't expect people to keep giving to me due to my problems and I don't want to be on meds to control the heavy bleeding for ever either.

My stomach keeps doing flips and my eyes keep leaking too sad

4 likes, 102 replies

102 Replies

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  • Posted

    SENDING ALL GOOD THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS OUT TO LUCKYMUM TODAY AND ANY ONE ELSE HAVING THEIR OP TODAY smile

    GOD BLESS!

    PEACE AND HUGS FROM USA smile smile smile smile

    • Posted

      Hi Mary 

      Gosh you are very active just like me.  Doesn't it just make you feel totally alive.  I have only just started Tai Chi, because of my prolapses they stopped me doing Pilates for good.  Apparently the table top position is very bad for prolapses whether repaired or not so that had to go and I wanted something I could do quite soon as my poor Zumba has been banned for 3 months at least and then to be introduced very carefully, same with Jane Fonda!  When I was in Spain for 6 years there were Tai Chi classes everywhere and I have to confess I poo pooed it and said it was not fast enough for me.  But since I have been been watching it on YouTube I have got 'in the Zone' and think it could really work for me, especially as it brings inner peace, calmness and good health.  Also good for balance which I am a bit challenged in.  I have sent for a complete beginners DVD with total instruction so I can learn it probably, well I will certainly have the time  if this operation ever gets under way!

      I bet you cannot wait to get back to your dancing and teaching, hope it won't be too long for you.  Have you been given a deadline for when you can?

      How is your Dad bearing up?razz

      Love

      Jacqui  

    • Posted

      I lost my whole note to you, lol....

      So... I am SOLD on Tai Chi... I am looking forward to trying this... it sounds so CALMING and lets you be one with your body!  I totally need this now... I am BANNED from dance.. I actually am taking off my session of Jan - March and April-June.. I want to start in July!

      I am back at school, but my side hurts after I sit tooooo long.  I need to get up.. I hate that pain I get..

      Sounds like you take care of yourself!  Thats awesome!

      Dad  sad  sad  sad

      I made the big call yesterday.. "hospice"... I wam gong to have someone come in my home to give him STRONG MEDS.. I cant conttrol the pain anymore sad  Its horrible to see someone you love in SUCH AGONY sad

      I pray for snow days! 

      I can take off time if I need it, but I am "waiting" until its closer.

      Thank you for asking.  That means a lot!

      peace  & love.........Mary

    • Posted

      Hi Mary

      I feel for you terribly, it is agony watching someone in constant pain and knowing you cannot help, I do hope the person from the hospice can give your Dad relief, why do lovely people have to suffer? sad

      I think you are very wise waiting until July for the dancing, give everything a real chance to heal inside, oh but it is not easy, not doing the things you love.  

      I do take great care of myself, and when people on the retirement complex here knock me for it, I just tell them, that I am a better carer to Ian because I am fit, and also the exercising etc gets rid of any stress (and Ian's various illnesses are stressful for me, because I hate to see him suffer) and keeps me calm and patient, Ian's memory is very bad (medication, morphine and a bad heart) and I often have to repeat myself about 10 times an hour, which used to drive me up the wall, but now I can cope.  I have the mind set that caring is my job and I should do it to the best of my ability!  After my 'speech' they are always a little dumbfounded but it stops them moaning about all my keep fit etc.  

      I do hope you like Tai Chi, and it is perfect for you during your recovery. Let me know how you get on with it.  

      Don't forget we are always here for you, especially during the tough times ahead.

      Love

      Jacqui razz

    • Posted

      Yep... I agree Jacqui!

      You too are seeing and caring someone you are so close to.

      I too repeat myself... over and OVER AND OVER... It's normal for me now... just how it is..

      But last night he got UGLY.. and I know it wasn't "dad"... hd had a mean nasty face, and asked me "DON'T YOU KNOW WHT YOU DID".. and "Hos that effect you"... made no sense.. but it was creepy, and the face... I tried to correct him, it made it worse.. now I know to "let it go"...

      I cried last night.. its the "beginning of the end"...

      My father had a great outlook on life, up until a month ago... he would say, "every day you wake up, it's a good day"  smile  I understand that more and more now.  Life is precious!

      Thank oyu for your thoughs!

      I will keep you posted smile

      Keep up the great job!  You are doing a wonderful thing, caring for someone!!!   I know you will be watched over too!

      peace & love form me in CT  smile

    • Posted

      Hi Mary

      You are going to need all your strength for the time ahead, and tears do help they release some of the terrible tension and stress.  You will always have your very precious memories to draw on, and eventually they will be a great comfort to you.  

      Let me know how it goes with the Hospice person, they are marvellous people.  smile

      Thank you so much for your lovely words, it means a lot.  We are all here for you when you need us.  lol

      love

      Jacqui 

    • Posted

      Sending you love Mary, I have tried to keep up while I've been in hospital, I hope you find the strength to make and be comfortable with the right decision xx
    • Posted

      OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!   YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON ONLY YOU MY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

      PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE REST, REST,REST, REST, REST!!!!

      WE WILL ALL BE HERE W HEN YOU COME HOME.. ..PROMISE!

      THANK  YOU THOUGH... IT IS COMFORTING TO KNOW I HAVE A FRIEND SO THOUGHTFUL!

      PEACE & LOVE...MARY

    • Posted

      I am resting have my feet up and using my phone to reply so no lifting xxx always here Iif you need a chat xx
    • Posted

      Hi MaryJust wanted to check in with you to see how things are.  How is your Dad, and how are you coping?

      Just received Dr Lam's DVD for Tai Chi, this morning.  Apparently he is one of the best instructors.  Even Ian wants to try it, he cannot normally do much exercise because of his pain, but then he suffers because he is not moving his joints.  Because of the gentleness of Tai Chi it might just work for him.  Anyway we are going to try it this afternoon.  I usually have my one hour exercise at 4 p.m. every day after I have walked Rosie, so we are both going to learn together.  We should have a laugh if only because we fall in a heap together.  

      Hang on in there Mary, we are all thinking about you.  Take care.

      Love

      Jacqui smile

    • Posted

      Hi Jacqui... I am happy that you are enjoying that, and together!  How fun!

      I have very bad news... dad declined.. I had to call Hospice.. the nurse came, he is on Morphine.. I am numb right now.. just so much in my head.. he had a bad morning.. they are coming back.

      I wish I could stay and chat with  you all.. have to go..

      peace & love... mary

    • Posted

      Hi Mary

      So, so sorry about your Dad, at least the Hospice nurse will monitor him and keep him comfortable.  Don't worry about replying to us, we will always be here for you, and if you need any of us we are here.  

      Saying lots of prayers for you and your family.

      Love 

      Jacqui 

    • Posted

      Oh Mary, so sorry to hear that. Sending you love and prayers, we will all be here when you need/want us xxx
    • Posted

      Hi Jacqui... Hi Luckymum..

      WOW.. that's all I have to say... the HOSPICE came yesterday, gave my dad 30 ml of morphine.. he went to bed, slept all night.. this morning I gave him 1.. OMG... TOTAL MAGIC CARPET RIDE TRIP!

      Asking wierd things, couldnt swallow, aangry.. asked how he walked to the bathroom.. how did he get there.. I was on my way to work.. well.. didnt go in.. how could I.  I KNEW it was wrong..

      They gave him TOO MUCH... now he getting 15 mg.  Why didnt they start him the FIRST time lower!??!  My poor dad... took him a good 9 hours to get it out of his system today sad

      He is "ok" tonight... sitting by me watching tv , drinking coffee smile

      Thank you both for your thoughts and prayers!

      I hope you both are doing well.. BEHAVE YOU!

      peace & love from me.. USA

    • Posted

      Oh Mary as if you have not got enough to worry about with out so called professionals causing you more stress and emotional pain. Glad your dad is doing better this evening, love to you both xxx
    • Posted

      Hi Mary

      Gosh what a mega dose they gave your Dad!  No wonder he was off the planet.  Ian is on a very large dose of morphine (he has been on it for 6 years with it gradually increasing!) so I know how scary it can be, and also the very bad reactions sometimes.  Ian started on 5 mg and now is on 70 mg in the morning and 80 mg at night.  Mind you, it hardly touches his pain now because his body is so used to it.  

      Why on earth they gave your Dad such a high dose, ....... well words fail me, good job you stayed home with him.  Very glad to hear he is watching tv etc.  I expect they probably told you, but you need to get lots of water into your Dad, it helps his system as the morphine is quite harsh on the body, and he may lose his appetite after he has been on it a few weeks.  I used complan with Ian in the first few months as he was losing too much weight.  But the appetite does come back but strange dislikes occur, even with some foods they have always loved.  

      We are all thinking of you, and sending our love and prayers.

      Love

      Jacqui wink

    • Posted

      Hi Mary, just to say I'm still thinking of you and hope things are ok. Sending love xxx
    • Posted

      THANK YOU MY DEAR FRIEND...THANK YOU...

      JUST FOUND THIS... SO SORRY FOR GETTING BACK SO LATE..

      DAD JUST GOT TO SLEEP, ITS NOW 4:07 A.M....I AM OVERTIRED sad

      TALK TO YOU SOON..

      XO mary

    • Posted

      Hi Mary

      Just to let you know I am thinking (and worrying) about you.  

      Love to you and your Dad.

      Jacqui smile

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