Scared for my life and don’t know where else to turn

Posted , 3 users are following.

I’d like to start off by saying I don’t want anyone to even attempt to diagnose me. I just really need to vent, and maybe hearing that someone has been through something similar and came out of it alive will give me some sort of hope. 

I have been beyond depressed and anxious lately due to the fact that my health has been suffering and I’ve had some very troubling symptoms. I was raised to basically not go to the doctor unless I felt like I was dying, so I have always just ignored things and/or toughed them out, and I am not learning that was a terrible mistake and that sometimes parents aren’t always right. I’m 29 years old, and haven’t had access to health insurance until now thanks to my boyfriend and the fact that his employer recognizes domestic relationships and allowed me to get on his plan. 

I’ve had a lot of vaginal discharge since before I even started having sex, and have always had pain with sex stating from the very first time with occasional bleeding afterwards. The pain is clearly an independent issue, but over the years my periods have gotten more and more weird and abnormal. I had one Pap smear when I was 21 and it came back normal, but I haven’t had one since, and my periods weren’t like this back when I had it. They have always been on the heavy and painful side, but now they last a really long time (usually 9 or so days), and I spot brown blood both before and after my actually full blown period. I can now also feel a lump towards the top of my vagina/right below my hip, which I’m assuming is a fibroid. I’ve been told endometriosis is a high possibility for me, but almost everyone I know who has that has also experienced cervical dysphasia. I’m very very worried about cervical cancer, or at the very least cervical dysphasia. I had my cortisol and sex hormones checked about a year and a half ago and they were all in normal ranges, but I don’t know how often you’re supposed to have that checked or how often it changes. I had a Pap smear done a few weeks ago, and they completely lost my sample (which they claimed has never happened before) and I have to redo it. Of course it would happen to me. I’m very upset about this because it’s such a painful procedure for me to have done and it took a lot of courage to suck it up and deal with the pain. 

I also have extreme bladder and digestion issues. There are times I pee several times in an hour, and my bowels are just all over the place. I have trouble emptying myself and and always constipated even though my stool isn’t hard. While it does happen occasionally, it’s oretty rare for me to have a normal BM. My stomach is constantly making noises and just never feels settled. I’m quite nauseous at times too.

Moral of the story is, I’m very scared and don’t know how to find the courage/strength to pull it together until I can get back to the doctor and specialists. I couldn’t get a primary care appointment until January 19th, and couldn’t get into a gyno until February. I feel like I am too young for this, and I’ve completely secluded myself from everyone because I’m so depressed and because I’m so embarrassed about my bathroom issues and just feel like a burden to everyone. I’m also so scared about all of the physical pain I’m going to endure having to get all these pelvic exams done. I’m not a baby about physical pain, and I can honestly say nothing I’ve ever been through compares to this. Has anyone ever been through anything similar? How do I stop being so scared? How do I stop feeling like it’s gonna be too late to fix me? I’m so scared that I’m dying and that it IS gonna be too late. 

Thank you for reading and any answers would be greatly appreciated. 

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  • Posted

    And i am now learning***not “not learning”
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  • Posted

    I understand what your going through. I since a kid always had a foul smell down there always. There was never a reason why but i dont know if its because when i was young i would never wipe when i peed i would just pull my pants up i did it until i was 10. Because thats when i started having periods. I always had irregular periods and i mean heavy but they would come in like 45 to 54 days. One year i went 6 months without a period. After having my baby it turned to the worst i didnt stop bleeding. Put on bc worked for a while before it started going whack again. I had everything done a pap 3 transvaginal us 1 ct scan nothing but ovarian cyst on my right ovary. So she said hormonal imbalances but never tested me for it yet she did give me the depo shot to stop the bleeding it worked but im now in pain since the shot. It could be a hernia too. But i would ask for a transvaginal us to rule out a cyst because they can also cause funky periods. I doubt its cc. What was your result on your pap?
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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply! Good to know I’m not alone with this crap. I went to the ER in a panic at one point because I wasn’t so worried about having cervical cancer, and they assured me that I don’t have it right now. Nothing showed up on my CT scan or Ultra sound as far as cysts or masses, but I haven’t had a transvaginal one yet and that’s the one I need. Unfortunately, my most recent Pap sample got lost somehow and I have to get it redone. I am beyond livid about it because it’s so difficult for me to get it scheduled around my abnormal periods. I’m on my period right now so it’s just more waiting. Yay. I’m the most concerned that I’ll have cervical dysphasia because I know it will cause excruciating pain for me to have to get a biopsy done. My cervix has always been very tender even before coming sexually active (possibly cervical erosion), and I’m just terrified of how bad everything is going to hurt sad I’m really not even a baby when it comes to pain but I can honestly say that nothing I’ve ever gone through compares to how bad pelvic exams and what not hurt me. I don’t have any kids, but I’ve had a lot of sexual trauma down there and I’m sure my muscles are weak because of it, which only adds to the pain. I’m just ready to get the show on the road and get some answers/relief/treatment, and I’ve had such a hard one holding it together mentally during this waiting process. I haven’t been able to have sex with my boyfriend in so long, and it both stresses me out and makes me really sad. It’s to the point where I’ve given him permission to cheat on me. It’s ridiculous! There’s so much going wrong down there that I don’t feel like anyone can fix me at this point. As far as my periods go, I’ve been spotting brown blood for about 3 days, then bleeding ridiculously heavy for another 3 days, then back to spotting brown blood for another 3 days. It seems like there’s something that’s making it difficult for the blood to get out like it’s supposed to. I’m just sick and tired of all of it, including the bladder/digestion issues sad
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    • Posted

      Well that's a start you can rule out anything with your ovaries! Cuz cyst also cause spotting as well. I never had to get a biopsy because i wasnt eligible for a smear got in done privately and it came back normal but he wasnt an obgyn and it scares me he might of missed something. Because he is rough putting in the speculum. Anyways im still booking one in may because thats when i will be 21. Yes i heard erosions can make yout cervix bleed easier.omg no i hope he hasnt lol. To me it sounds like you probably have old and new blood trying to come out. But if your planning for kids they dont like to do any procedures only like surgery for endo which it sounds like to me. Have you gone to a GI?

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    • Posted

      I went to one GI last year and it was a complete joke. He was very quick to just diagnose me with IBS without running tests or anything. I had really crappy insurance at the time. I finally have good insurance and will be getting everything addressed this year. I have a looooong road ahead of me and am really scared about all the pain I’m gonna go through and am also worried that it’s gonna be too late to fix me sad I know I’m still young but I just have really bad luck when it comes to my health. I’m so scared. 
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  • Posted

    Hey. I don't know where you are but I have been through similar times. Same way brought up. Anyway I have had abdominal pain forever been to a gyno urologist etc. and end result told to do yoga for stress.. How dumb. So went to another gyno and had a smear test yuck and lucky me came back high abnormal. So I get to go back tuesday and have a more invasive procedure done. Scared 1 that it will hurt and 2 that it may be cancer. Anyway. I'm going to stay positive as i know the results take 2 weeks. Yippee. Prayers to you and from what I've read we will likely be ok. Cheers!

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    • Posted

      Omg that sucks same with me stress. But my stomach doesnt hurt anymore but im a big hypochondriac i cant look up anything cuz then ibelieve i have it. Im sorry about your abnormal smear.. How old are you?
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    • Posted

      Oh dang im sorry but if you havent had any irregularities it could mean anything like an infection. Even if it is cancer its most likely caughy on time. My aunt at 36 had cervical cancer shes 14 years in remisson smile

      Please keep us updated. I hope everything turns out fine

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    • Posted

      I will. I did recently have some vaginitis something recently but all cleared up. Ugh. I hate that I have to wait 2 weeks for results. Will try to stay off google. I do have severe panic attacks and have medication for when i have one. I'm wondering if i could take one before the procedure to calm me down or if that would just screw it up.

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    • Posted

      Well that can cause inflammation and cause cell changes idk how long it last but its not uncommon to get an abnormal smear and it being nothing afterall. Im sure you can take one but i would talk to the gp first to make sure its fine.
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    • Posted

      So sorry for what you’re dealing with, especially the stress of waiting. That’s the worst part. My doctor lost my first pap sample and I am beyond livid that I have to go through both the actual pap and the waiting for results again. But yes definitely stay off google. I’m getting a Pap tomorrow and am very scared because I DO have irregularities/symptoms.  Also very scared that I will have to get a biopsy which I know will hurt me. I’m sure I’ll be right there with you with abnormal results! I think if your results happen to be cervical cancer (not saying it is!!), the doctor would be able to tell just by looking at your cervix that it was in advanced stages. That’s what they’ve told me during pelvic exams anyway. So I really think you will be ok. Good luck and please keep us posted for sure! Sending prayers and hugs
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    • Posted

      You should ask about it. I don’t see why a biopsy would be necessary is HPV isn’t present. I’m not a doctor but you should at least ask. Again, please keep us posted. Hugs. 
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    • Posted

      You and me both! I’m right there with you. I have been beyond stressed. Just know you’re not alone and do your best to stay strong and positive. Easier said than done, I know. I really think you’ll be ok smile 
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    • Posted

      I've been through so much. Just getting my life together and I really don't want to die. Tmi I lost my dad mom and husband commited suicide last year. I just can't handle this if it's bad. I'm sorry but really greatful to everyone here.

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