Scared for my life and don’t know where else to turn
Posted , 3 users are following.
I’d like to start off by saying I don’t want anyone to even attempt to diagnose me. I just really need to vent, and maybe hearing that someone has been through something similar and came out of it alive will give me some sort of hope.
I have been beyond depressed and anxious lately due to the fact that my health has been suffering and I’ve had some very troubling symptoms. I was raised to basically not go to the doctor unless I felt like I was dying, so I have always just ignored things and/or toughed them out, and I am not learning that was a terrible mistake and that sometimes parents aren’t always right. I’m 29 years old, and haven’t had access to health insurance until now thanks to my boyfriend and the fact that his employer recognizes domestic relationships and allowed me to get on his plan.
I’ve had a lot of vaginal discharge since before I even started having sex, and have always had pain with sex stating from the very first time with occasional bleeding afterwards. The pain is clearly an independent issue, but over the years my periods have gotten more and more weird and abnormal. I had one Pap smear when I was 21 and it came back normal, but I haven’t had one since, and my periods weren’t like this back when I had it. They have always been on the heavy and painful side, but now they last a really long time (usually 9 or so days), and I spot brown blood both before and after my actually full blown period. I can now also feel a lump towards the top of my vagina/right below my hip, which I’m assuming is a fibroid. I’ve been told endometriosis is a high possibility for me, but almost everyone I know who has that has also experienced cervical dysphasia. I’m very very worried about cervical cancer, or at the very least cervical dysphasia. I had my cortisol and sex hormones checked about a year and a half ago and they were all in normal ranges, but I don’t know how often you’re supposed to have that checked or how often it changes. I had a Pap smear done a few weeks ago, and they completely lost my sample (which they claimed has never happened before) and I have to redo it. Of course it would happen to me. I’m very upset about this because it’s such a painful procedure for me to have done and it took a lot of courage to suck it up and deal with the pain.
I also have extreme bladder and digestion issues. There are times I pee several times in an hour, and my bowels are just all over the place. I have trouble emptying myself and and always constipated even though my stool isn’t hard. While it does happen occasionally, it’s oretty rare for me to have a normal BM. My stomach is constantly making noises and just never feels settled. I’m quite nauseous at times too.
Moral of the story is, I’m very scared and don’t know how to find the courage/strength to pull it together until I can get back to the doctor and specialists. I couldn’t get a primary care appointment until January 19th, and couldn’t get into a gyno until February. I feel like I am too young for this, and I’ve completely secluded myself from everyone because I’m so depressed and because I’m so embarrassed about my bathroom issues and just feel like a burden to everyone. I’m also so scared about all of the physical pain I’m going to endure having to get all these pelvic exams done. I’m not a baby about physical pain, and I can honestly say nothing I’ve ever been through compares to this. Has anyone ever been through anything similar? How do I stop being so scared? How do I stop feeling like it’s gonna be too late to fix me? I’m so scared that I’m dying and that it IS gonna be too late.
Thank you for reading and any answers would be greatly appreciated.
0 likes, 23 replies
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erika90744 Guest
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Guest erika90744
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erika90744 Guest
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Well that's a start you can rule out anything with your ovaries! Cuz cyst also cause spotting as well. I never had to get a biopsy because i wasnt eligible for a smear got in done privately and it came back normal but he wasnt an obgyn and it scares me he might of missed something. Because he is rough putting in the speculum. Anyways im still booking one in may because thats when i will be 21. Yes i heard erosions can make yout cervix bleed easier.omg no i hope he hasnt lol. To me it sounds like you probably have old and new blood trying to come out. But if your planning for kids they dont like to do any procedures only like surgery for endo which it sounds like to me. Have you gone to a GI?
Guest erika90744
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sasha79642 Guest
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Hey. I don't know where you are but I have been through similar times. Same way brought up. Anyway I have had abdominal pain forever been to a gyno urologist etc. and end result told to do yoga for stress.. How dumb. So went to another gyno and had a smear test yuck and lucky me came back high abnormal. So I get to go back tuesday and have a more invasive procedure done. Scared 1 that it will hurt and 2 that it may be cancer. Anyway. I'm going to stay positive as i know the results take 2 weeks. Yippee. Prayers to you and from what I've read we will likely be ok. Cheers!
erika90744 sasha79642
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sasha79642 erika90744
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I'm 40. Pretty scared.
erika90744 sasha79642
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Please keep us updated. I hope everything turns out fine
sasha79642 erika90744
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I will. I did recently have some vaginitis something recently but all cleared up. Ugh. I hate that I have to wait 2 weeks for results. Will try to stay off google. I do have severe panic attacks and have medication for when i have one. I'm wondering if i could take one before the procedure to calm me down or if that would just screw it up.
erika90744 sasha79642
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Guest sasha79642
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sasha79642 Guest
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Yeah. Well I'm sure they will do a biopsy. That was mentioned in our conversation. Yay. But will just have to do it and wait.
Guest sasha79642
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sasha79642 Guest
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Guest sasha79642
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sasha79642 Guest
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I will ask. Lord this is so stressful.. I'm so thankful I found this site.
Guest sasha79642
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sasha79642 Guest
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I've been through so much. Just getting my life together and I really don't want to die. Tmi I lost my dad mom and husband commited suicide last year. I just can't handle this if it's bad. I'm sorry but really greatful to everyone here.