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Scary thoughts

Posted , 5 users are following.

jess345
jess345

My thoughts are making me feel like I’m a really bad person.... I’d never do any of it but it keeps popping in my head.... why? Am I actually like that? I can’t even talk about them because it freaks me out..... I’m on medication now and they’ve gotten better but when I start thinking about it I question and wonder what’s wrong with me. It makes me scared of myself sad is this really just anxiety?

0 likes, 16 replies

16 Replies

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  • danielddz
    danielddz jess345

    Posted

    If you were a bad person you wouldn’t be freaked out by it or feel bad about it you’d feel natural. Think about it: if you actually were bad you’d feel ok about those thoughts. I had felt that way before and I talked to someone about it and they explained the fear to me is just anxiety because if it’s natural to be bad it feels fine you just do it. 
    • jess345
      jess345 danielddz

      Posted

      I’ve just never had them before and it freaks me out because it makes me believe it... but I don’t at all. That’s where I’m struggling and it’s exhausting. Did you have any luck getting rid of it?
    • danielddz
      danielddz jess345

      Posted

      Yeah I don’t really worry about it as much. I have times when I feel like I am a prisoner to anxiety and like I have no control. But whatever will be will be. Like I said it wouldn’t freak you out if it was an actual thing you were willing to be ok with. If you know what’s bad and what’s good then you still possess the power to make the right choices. It’s probably quite the opposite: you have a lot of control over your thoughts that’s why you’re flooding yourself with worry. 
    • jess345
      jess345 danielddz

      Posted

      It just hurts me and was making me very sick... ever since starting medication I don’t. But it’s like living in a nightmare plus having depersonalization/derealization it makes it worse because I feel like I’m not in control. I don’t know how to handle it
    • danielddz
      danielddz jess345

      Posted

      You FEEL like you’re not in control but here you are. You’re more in control than you think. You’re out here seeking advice. I don’t have any magical cure for you, I wish I did. I do have empathy and understanding as to how you feel. Just know that those moments pass and there’s so much opportunity in the world and time for you to improve your mental health. 
    • betsy83706
      betsy83706 jess345

      Posted

      The intrusive thoughts plus depersonalization/derealization is rough. I’m going through that right now as well, so know you’re not alone at least. 
    • jess345
      jess345 betsy83706

      Posted

      It’s just hard to not believe I’m a bad person.... because I’ve NEVER had those thoughts and when I was sick I just started having them when I’d wake up or non stop... it scares me... I would never ever. I don’t want to tell anyone because I’m scared they’ll judge me and not want to be around me. 
    • jess345
      jess345 danielddz

      Posted

      I appreciate it... I just feel stuck. I feel like it’s holding me and I just want to go out but I’m scared someone’s going to kidnap me or I’m going to snap or idk. I’m in my head again. 
    • betsy83706
      betsy83706 jess345

      Posted

      For me, telling someone was the best fix. Anxiety wants you to be isolated. It’s difficult, but I encourage you to find someone you trust to confide in. 

      Just a fun anecdote: 

      When I told my mom as a teenager and then we told my doctor, my doctor was like “Oh yeah the guy in here just before you had intrusive thoughts his tv was talking to him. No big deal.”

    • jess345
      jess345 betsy83706

      Posted

      I tried but couldn’t get out the words and they just looked at me funny... but I’m looking still. I want to work through this and get better
    • danielddz
      danielddz jess345

      Posted

      I’m a few years older than you been dealing with anxiety since I was 19. Always willing to listen but it definitely took me a while to get used to all the things anxiety did to me. When I have the times of calm I’m like wtf was I ever anxious but when I get anxious I’m like “am I ever going to feel normal”. It’s unfair it sucks I understand... if you ever need to talk about it shoot me a message. 
  • betsy83706
    betsy83706 jess345

    Posted

    I’ve had really nasty violent intrusive thoughts before and it makes you feel like you don’t even want to move because what if you do something crazy. At least I feel like that. But it really is “just” anxiety. Everyone else here is right. You wouldn’t feel so awful about them if you really wanted to act on them or believed them to be true. You’re a good person and we believe in you. 
    • jess345
      jess345 betsy83706

      Posted

      It’s scary and terrifying and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone... it’s harder when I don’t feel real with depersonalization and all... it feels harder to feel in control 
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