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Selfish...this is in my thought for the day.

Posted , 9 users are following.

Misssy2
Misssy2

"When I was drinking, I was absolutely selfish, Ii thought of myself first, last and always. The universe revolved around me at the center. When I woke up in the morning with a hangover, my only thought was how terrible I felt and about what I could do to make myself feel better. And the only thing I could think of was more liquor. To quit was impossible. I couldn't see beyone myself and my own need for another drink."

Can I now look out and beyond my own selfishness?

WOW...I didn't like when I read this because I have never thought of myself as "selfish"...but by this prespective it does slap you right in the face because there so much truth in what is said. "I thought of myself first, last and always" WOW...

I do that with my friends, family...chat boards...(although I do try to help others on chat boards) but the others...its all about ME all the time...How I am feeling...Have I drank?  When I drink I am exactly as it say...the oly thing I could think about is liquor!

So then the book gives a "Meditation for the Day" that says.

We are here on earth to serve others. That is the beginning and the end of our real worth.

I feel so guilty right now for what I have put everyone thru in my life and the only way I can make that better is to try and take some focus off of me...and ask more about their days...their feelings and emotions.

Hope this helps someone else open their eyes...mine are open.

0 likes, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • derek93163
    derek93163 Misssy2

    Posted

    Please try not to beat yourself up over these feelings. 

    For me. I'd always experience my darkest most self loathing feeling of myself right before I'd go on another bender to curb the pain. For me, negative thoughts of myself led right to the bottle. Hopefully, and it sounds like. You've found another outlet. 

    I've just now got to find a way to keep myself busy. Especially on the weekend. I dusted off my old WII and I'm going to try the WII fit again and track my progress with various excercises. Getting ready to go walk my dog right now. 

    I love that dog. 

    If not for her I'd probably not do a damn thing today. So as selfish as I've always considered myself to be - I at least know I'm not bad as I often put her needs before my wants. 

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 derek93163

      Posted

      I did go to an AA meeting today Derek.what scares me is I didn't go because I felt I NEEDED it..I was BORED.

      But, something amazing happened there. I was tearing up and texting an old friend telling her that particular meeting was really hard because an old timer named "Chet" used to go there and he and I had a love/hate relationship...and then we turned into great friends. He died while I was out of the program 2 years ago.

      The 2nd guy called to podium started talking about CHET..I was floored...God knew I needed CHET at that meeting and there he was coming thru this guy....My friend I was texting does not believe in God...I told her "come on....you have to admit that was f'd up!"...She did wink

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 derek93163

      Posted

      I lovw how you say that about the dog, thats a good thing honestly. 
  • PaulJTurner1964
    PaulJTurner1964 Misssy2

    Posted

    It is going to take a VERY LONG TIME to change attitudes to this MEDICAL DISORDER while even the sufferers themselves believe that they are to blame. I have one thing I want all you 'guilt-ridden' people to do. Go to Google and search 'if cancer patients were treated like addicts' then click the top result and watch the first video. Then try and help those of us who know better to get word around that this is NOT a self-inflicted condition smile

    • RHGB
      RHGB PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      Good to hear from your Paul, as always.

      Two things come to mind.

      It isn't so much the public, but the medical industry that needs educating. When you've had your GP, tell you they can't prescribe a medication (Campral) in writing, only to take it up with the APC and GMC and be told they can if they want to, only then to be told, they won't prescribe it, leaves me in no doubt where the real problem lies.

      But this is similar to what I have said to may here, "the fact that substance abuse disorders are brain disorders and that drugs and alcohol change people’s brain chemistry" - drugs (alcohol) change your brain and you need drugs (medication) to set it back right again.

      There is a real problem in the medical profession, not just to with addiction, with all sorts. I've had it all the time with neuro consultants, - 'what are your education details' and I say 'not relevant'. I then get a funny look, and say, don't conflate academic qualifications with intelligence/IQ.

    • PaulJTurner1964
      PaulJTurner1964 RHGB

      Posted

      I agree with you, RHGB. But we need the sufferers of this awful illness to refuse to accept this treatment from medical professionals and society in general and accepting blame only serves to fuel these attitudes. I am on a mission to educate everybody but they will change their attitudes more quickly if the people who are their victims refuse to keep accepting it.
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 PaulJTurner1964

      Posted

      I know for sure it is not a self inflicted conditon.

      I tell people that all the time...there are some people thou...like my youngest son that refuse to believe that..and it appears there are many Drs who refuse to believe it as well.

      I will watch the video later..thank you Paul

    • sharon7979
      sharon7979 Misssy2

      Posted

      Hey sorry for not getting back to you. I didnt see the reply. Hope things are ok with you right now. Still not that great with me but going to try and get a few things sorted in the house tm. Hopefully i will speak to my son as well. How have things been with you? I dont think you have been on here that much over the last few days... xxx
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