Sexual assault
Posted , 4 users are following.
So after 18 months of CBT AND EMDR ive found the route cause of my sexual issues, Depression and PTSD
I repressed a memory from when i was 14 years old. I was seduced and had my virginity took by an older woman who was maybe early twenties at the time.
During sex she went down to my penis and when i looked down she had a knife there and said id better not tell anyone. She then cut my penis.
Ive only remembered this 23 years later. I Need advice. Ive found this woman on Fb.
My gut instinct is to report to the police. ive contacted a friend who ive not spoke to for over 2 decades who knew her / used to hang around with her at the same age and she did something similar to him.
My predicament is. Shes the mother of 3 children now. And reporting this to the police could ruin the girls lives.
Just looking for opinions / advice on what is the right thing to do.
0 likes, 23 replies
stephen92626 Health1001
Posted
I think myself personally would report it, as you don't know if this woman has got worse over the years, done things to a lot of people,or even maybe with her kids, shes done something she wasn't supposed to do, you don't know if shes not done it again,or doing it a lot more, so i would myself report her, thats how I think after going through a abused childhood, I don't know how other people think about it.
sam18386 Health1001
Posted
OMG and i thought my life stunk! Your poor man, i am so sorry anyone could be so cruel as a PTSD victim i totally understand you. As a female we have rape crisis, i don't know if they help men but the other angle is you have something called PTSD c you can ask to see a specialist counsellor who deals with this. Whatever names the difficulties are called or problems you have you need help. Whether she is a mum or not makes no odds. Those kids could be suffering with her. You're suffering now, that's all that counts. How are you going to move on
Be selfish put your self first. Her offence was criminal, she could do it to others and that includes her children. Feel bad now? YOU SHOULDN'T, i"ve been taught that but it took some convincing. You may need some outside advice maybe with a rape or assault advisor? Or a lawyer? How often are people left to cope with this? And being male sits you in a minority group. If you go to the police then others who have had this done to them may. I was told not to. It has wrecked my life, please do what you think is right but don't EVER let her make you feel guilty. Good luck, you can pm me if you want.
Health1001 sam18386
Posted
Thankyou for your kind words. Ive been doing the exact thing you mentioned and making excuses as to why i shouldnt. And laying more guilt on myself.
Ive been lucky enough to have a private counsellor for the last 18 months and she has helped me work through so many issues. I Actually went to get help because of the way I was behaving. Because i felt like a bad guy. When the truth is i was acting out because of pain and i had the courage to say what im feeling isnt right. I dont like myself at the minute. I want to be a better person.
God knows ive made mistakes in my life. But i sought out help.
I was the victim.
My counsellor and i are going to reprocess these memories with EMDR and take the trauma out of my body and put it in safe storage somewhere in a place of inderstanding in my mind.
I will keep everyone posted. I Will make a rational decision once the pain is worked through.
I will have the life which that 14 year old boy deserved.
Thankyou.
sam18386 Health1001
Posted
Hi heath 1001, i am glad you were brave enough to ask for help. That's a massive step to start with, well done you! It's called self preservation, my counsellors building has a poster inside which speaks truth ut says you can't give from an empty vessel. That's true, it makes sense. Well done for recognising you needed help, you can't get help until you realise you as a victim actually need it. (Sorry i mean victim loosely). Can you explain 1 thing to me as someone with PTSD, who has been threatened with psychiatry a) why would that be? B) would they do the EMDR support - sorry i hate that word therapy. C) ix this counsellor allowed to do this or threaten me with this? Thanks
Health1001 sam18386
Posted
Hi Sam, I assume you mean Treat, Not threaten. Think the auto correct went a bit wrong there 😃
You would need a therapist who is practiced in EMDR to help. And i recommend it 100%
How Trauma works is that when something so upsetting happens. Your brain doesnt process it and the feeling you had at that moment in time become trapped in your nervous system and stays there.
EMDR helps to pull those feelings / out of your nervous system and put the feelings into safe storage in your brain. It sounds like insane. But it works.
I believe you can do EMDR on the NHS or if you just google counsellors in your area there may be trained professionals who can do it privatley.
I pay £40.00 a session private and i go once a month now. Better than any gym membership
sam18386 Health1001
Posted
Hi health 1001 thanks for replying, i said the word because he said he would just send me to psychiatry, which to me seemed quite threatening at the time. I am not impressed by his attitude any more, he's upset me a few times now. I can see why you would have emdr counselling, i have read how good it is but can't afford to pay. How do i ask for this on the NHS? The counsellor i see is meant to be PTSD trained but i am starting to wonder if he is able to do this or not, his colleague definitely could, she knew exactly how to take me out of a flashback and make me feel safe, he doesn't and that's why i was scared seeing a male at all. Now i feel stuck and am unsure what i do next. This still hurts and i don't want it to.
petram Health1001
Posted
hello no matter when it happened it happened so what if she has kids she might be doing it to them
stand up for yourself and tell the police and if you know of any one else this may of happen to tell the police their names as well you have a responsibility to yourself as an adult to tell the police what happen to you as a child their may be more victims than you know
stephen92626 Health1001
Posted
if I can just join in again, i was abused as a child, sexually, physically, mentally, every way, this was back in the 1970's, early 80's, and im not saying anything bad about women, but I didn't talk to anyone about it till i was in my early 40's, im 49 now, i just think its so hard for a Man to say I've been messed with, my abuser died about 25 years ago, i still suffer horrific flashbacks,nightmares, panic attacks, I couldn't believe that once i started talking, it gets easier, i held all that s**t in for 20-30 years, and i took it out on everyone else,apart from the victim who still scared me to death nearly when I was 25, and he was over 60. once you start to realise it's not your fault,it gets better, im still suffering,but i realize it was him who was the paedophile,pervert, if theres a hell ,i hope he's in the hottest part of it.
sam18386 stephen92626
Posted
Hi Stephen, it's shame you're not living close to me. I would give you a big hug! I feel so desperately hurt for you that you have had to go through this. Take 1 step at a time. I think in America this treatment health 1001 talks about would be offered by a shrink? Ask your physician for a shrink appointment to have eye movement degeneration recovery, it takes your brain in to the heart of the trauma from what i understand and breaks it up by following eye movements, it's not fun but it works. I hope you get the help you deserve. I know sort of where you are coming from, my rapist got a while in prison and was beaten up, but it still doesn't result in real justice does it? Phone your physician first see what they suggest.
stephen92626 sam18386
Posted
thanks sam, i will try That, because the medication my doctor gave me for my issues, " escitalaporam" 20mg daily, don't do nothing, he just tries me on different anti-depressants, which make me zombie for first few days then im back to myself, with panic attacks, nightmares, everything else, so anti-depressants dont work on me, im not depressed, i have mood swings, its just the memories, nightmares, triggers for flashbacks.not being depressed, its so hard to get to see a psychiatrist in the UK, i seen a psychologist for 6 1hour sessions, just me talking, that was it, no diagnosis, no prescribing, nothing . waste of time,made me feel worse actually reliving the moment talking to her,
Health1001 stephen92626
Posted
Thank you Stephen.
I know the pain you have felt. Oddly for me i only remembered this last week. And it is clear as day now. I had a breakdown 18 months ago and ive been slowly digging at the pieces and ive finally found the Seed. The root.
If you'd have asked me 2 years ago if i'd ever had anxiety / depression / PTSD id have laughed and said no chance.
Little did i know that looking back on my life... Ive had PTSD for 23 years which has put me through 4 depressions. And believe me the mistakes that this Trauma has caused me to make are not pretty ones. I've never raised my hand to any Woman, man or child and I have never / Could never hurt anyone. But my dreams, The False memory flashbacks and my self beliefs have told me i'm a terrible person my whole life, and i'm not. I'm Strong, I am Brave and I'm a f-ing Hero just like you Stephen
stephen92626 Health1001
Posted
i don't think we "as victim's of perverts" know or realise how strong we are, going through my life as a child, receiving ,taking that which I did take, had to take, is a lot, to someone who had a good, happy upbringing, they can't understand what we been through, even after reading about "abused childhood", still have no idea what we, "I" went through every moment, i can't remember one second of a happy day, even easter, xmas, birthdays, i only remember the abuse, So, i run and run away, back in the uk in the late 70's, early 80's, no-one helped, nowadays social services and loads of others, nspcc, that was just the beginning, i didn't know that it was going to last my lifetime, i thought I got away with it once i left that house, im 50 in July,and i still have vivid, fresh flashbacks, memories like it was yesterday or this morning that it happened to me, i really get myself down, Thinking im weak, for having memories, i can't stop them, theres certain things i see, or hear every day that brings me back to that childhood. its a lifetime of unwanted crap, sometimes I get so low i want to finish it, ive tried before, obviously didn't work, not just for attention,i really tried, i injected £40 of heroin in my arm, "got someone else to do it", i woke up freezing 6 hours after in the abandoned house, thought whats hapoened, shouldnt be awake, one perverts fantasies has ruined my life, because I know how i react with other people,im not normal, lifetime of misery, tablets dont work. cant stop your memories, flashbacks, the abuse,
stephen92626 Health1001
Posted
what is EMDR please?? im in the UK,
never heard of it.
sam18386 stephen92626
Posted
Apologies trust me i've read America!
stephen92626 sam18386
Posted
sorry,what?
sam18386 stephen92626
Posted
For some reason i read America! My Dyslexia kicked in.
sam18386 stephen92626
Posted
Hi Stephen, ignore my diagnosis of what emdr is, the 1st 2 were correct, d is for desensitisation and the r is regrogramming, as in brain reprogamming. E M D R! I wish you luck it's a tough thing to do, but you can do it.