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Short Story / Long Story: I Know I Have HSV - Now What?

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allie27
allie27

Short-Story: I'm 99% certain I have HSV (with my luck it'll be HSV2). Test comes back in two days. I can only be upset with myself. I'm really depressed and, surprise, feel like my life is over.

Long-Story: My ex abruptly broke up with me mid-April. I was a mess afterward because things were good / no closure and he wouldn't speak to me at all. I went on a Tinder swiping binge to take my mind off it and rebounded wrecklessly. I had unprotected sex with three people (one I'm completely ashamed to have been with and now suspect I got something from him (he had a lot going on)... one that was a nice guy but wasn't going anywhere... and one I was legitimately interested in before this whole mess). For as long as I've been sexually active, I've gotten a UTI or BV every time I have a new partner, and then Gina calms down. So this summer - with the binging - I kept getting BV, taking meds, that would then give me a yeast infection from killed bacteria. Then my ex and I started talking again (read: having sex again). Also, he had unprotected sex with 3-5 people between this time. Anyway, we had really rough sex five days in a row and Gina was so swollen and torn to pieces. So we took a break for a day (read: a ton of oral sex). My vagina started burning and got tons of discharge, and figured it was just Gina being Gina.

THEN... The next day (Monday - 5 days ago) I went into the emergency department with the worst pain in my swollen groin lymph node (and obviously torn up inside Gina). No fever or feeling ill. In the end, they told me UTI and yeast infection, and suspected PID. (P.S. They ran labs and I was neg for gonn/clam.) They sent me on my merry way with antibiotics and yeast infection pills (I felt dumb). Also, no itching or tingling. The next day I went to the doc (Gina not looked at) who said I had no UTI. Went to visit my family, felt a pinch on Gina when I stood up. (I have "fluffy" lady bits, so that's not irregular for me. It gets caught in clothes sometimes.) When I got home I looked at it, and it was a sore that looked like a scab was ripped off, so I thought was an ingrown hair). I am a picker and tried to pop it (clear liquid) and really messed it up big time. (Did I mention I'm dumb?) Next morning, I had SIX more sores on outer labia / the moist part between outer labia and the fluffy inner labia. Go to the doc again, highly stressed, and she casually says, "I'll take a look and should be able to tell if it's herpes. If I can't tell or they look suspicious, I'll swab." She takes a look and only says, "Okay... so I'm going to swab and we'll do blood work." She gives me antivirals and the orange-pee meds. (Those didn't help the burning pee.)

Over the course of the week (it is now Saturday), I've been taking antibiotics two times per day, yeast infection pills (one every 3 days for a total of three pills), antivirals three times per day and the orange-pee stuff three times per day. I'm a walking pill container. All sores broke open, all with oozy, yellow scabs except the one I messed with being an unhealing ulcer of pain... I've called my doc every day waiting on results and am annoying to them, I'm sure. I've been crying nonstop and look at the sores every 15 minutes. I've taken tons of pictures just to keep checking them up close (all with angry red boarders). I talked to my mom about it all, and she reacted like I told her I have AIDs and said a bunch of shame-y stuff. I felt worse than ever.

My ex got blood tested (no symptoms) and came back negative. (P.S. He's been mega supportive and great through all this. He still thinks I'm sexy and was being ultra horny with my today. Which is sweet, but no way I'd have sex without test results, with these awful sores present, and feeling like my self-confidence has plummeted.) No word on the one guy I was dating's blood results. He is furious and won't speak to me again, which hurts but I can't fault him.

My results will come in two days, but I already know with this many of the telltale signs... I'm in pieces. I was careless; I feel disgusting; I feel like no one will be with me again and won't risk getting this; I am terrified I'll pass it on; I am devastated I likely won't have a vaginal birth when I do have kids (something I always wanted). I feel like my - previously passionate/kinky - sex life is over. (I know I shouldn't, but I put a lot of my self-worth in sex and it's my main 'love language.') I was already a mess with the breakups, inpatient stay previously, unresolved rape issues, moving across the state...

I'm also angry and want to know where I got it. Honestly, it's likely guy-I'm-ashamed-of or an EXTREMELY late expression of HSV1 from my other ex of 10-years (he got cold sores) or an extremely late expression after a rape years and years ago. If one of the latter, no clue why it'd just appear now, I've been way more stressed before (to trigger it, I mean). If what I read about symptoms appearing 2-14 days after exposure and ex's negative results, it has to be nice-guy-going-nowhere or won't-talk-to-me-again-guy, right? I also read blood tests without symptoms are unreliable. So I'm also a little worried my ex does have it and it isn't detectable levels of antibodies if he also recently got it. Why does this worry me? Well, I hope he doesn't have in general, but also - remember all that oral sex I mentioned - one spot on my lip has been super tingly all day today... and I will not cope with having oral and genital HSV.

I just don't even know anymore. I've looked at too many genital herpes pictures and read too many stories... I can't think about anything else. I feel so low. I just don't have any will anymore.

1 like, 47 replies

47 Replies

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  • allie27
    allie27

    Posted

    Day 3

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    The angry one breaking open again...

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  • allie27
    allie27

    Posted

    End of Day 3 and then Day 4 (I THINK some of the yellow was caused by the UTI meds to help the burning?)

    image

    image

    Day 5 and they were pretty much gone after that...

    image

  • Crystal3346
    Crystal3346 allie27

    Edited

    hi, I dont know how long these treads stay active, but i found this tread through google... it was hard for me to find any similar pictures to what i have, until i found yours. Honestly, it looks exactly the same. i went to the doctor today, and he said theres a 50/50 chance its herpes or an ingrown hair infection. im almost positive its HSV (just not sure if its 1or2) I also have blister like sores inside the edges.... I saw were you ended up with HSV1. How exactly is that different that HSV2?

    im sick to my stomach honestly and i dont know how i let this happen. It showed up 4 days after intercourse with the new guy. I have never had anything before this... not even a yeast infection.

    Im just so depressed and i dont even have the results.

    • Joe2398
      Joe2398 Crystal3346

      Posted

      I believe HSV-1 is usually assosciated with slightly worse outbreaks but, less recurrent ones and less asympotamtic shedding. So the fortunate part with HSV-1 is you're less likely to give it to your partners if you're being careful. Of course there is always risk though.

    • allie27
      allie27 Crystal3346

      Edited

      Hey! First, I'm sorry I don't come back to this thread often and haven't replied to your comment. Second, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. But, third, and most importantly -- it will be okay.

      I'm not 100% sure how HSV-1 and HSV-2 are different. Both can show up in your mouth or genitals. My understanding is...

      • HSV-1 outbreaks happen less frequently. (average of one oubreak per year vs. five outbreaks per year for HSV-2, after the first year of infection)
      • HSV-1 outbreaks decrease over time. (Example, maybe the first year you get 4x and then after 5 years of that happening you get 2x per year for a few years, and so on.)
      • Ancedotally, HSV-1 has less severe outbreaks.
      • In one study I saw, "Genital HSV-1 shedding is much less frequent than that for HSV-2, occurring on a mean of 0.5% of days..."

      But all this really depends on the person.

      But mainly I think the difference is that HSV-1 orally is just more socially accepted, unfortunately.

      Don't blame ourself. It can happen to anyone. I found some stats that really helped calm me down and make me feel less guilty on how...

      • Condoms help but don't really protect against it 100% because of it shedding on the skin around (often not directly on) genitals themselves.
      • Shedding doesn't happen all the time. This was something I didn't realize. I felt like I was always ready to pass it on just by being touched at all. I read things like "shedding can happen at any time" as "shedding happens all the time." You don't know if you are shedding, so there is still risk. But that change in framing still helped my mindset.
      • If you are heterosexual, it is harder for guys to become infected from a female. This made me feel a little better about my partner.
      • If you combine measures of condoms, no sex on outbreaks, etc.... the chances of spreading are really kind of low.
      • Research shows that older herpes infections are less contagious than newer ones. In other words, if a person has had the virus for many years, they may be less likely to spread it than someone who recently got the infection.

      Nothing really helped as much as time though. I was depressed for a really long time about this. And then it just seemed to get better. Mind you, I'm lucky and haven't yet had any outbreaks since the first occurance.

      Did you get your results? Even if you are confirmed, you WILL get through it. Fingers-crossed and sending good vibes your way. 😃

  • S1234455
    S1234455 allie27

    Posted

    this may he too late and you may bot be active on here anymore, but i am so curious about your presentstion do you have any examples/pictures?

    • allie27
      allie27 S1234455

      Posted

      Yup! If you look at the top of page three and page two I have pics of how they appeared over 5 days.

    • dani13024
      dani13024 allie27

      Posted

      Found this through google... its very old but i see you have replied back a few times so i made an account just for this.... thank you. your pictures matched what i was going through. im also waiting on results but i am beyond certain its herpes- and even more sure now with how exact my symptoms are matching yours with swollen lymph nodes and even the pics. i also have a slightly yellowish discharge im guessing from the oozing sores since im not on the same meds.... i am honestly just in shock and wishing i could deny this new me entirely. ik herpes is extremely common and everyone says it gets better but i just cant find the confidence anymore. im fresh out of highschool i felt young and in my "prime" and now i guess i dont feel as perfect of a person.

      Does it get better? is a super active sex life still possible or am i going to be on hold every single outbreak (being that my partner has it too so no risk of spreading it- so ig the better question is if enjoyable sex is ever possible during an outbreak)? have you found any triggers for a new outbreak? is it true it gets less painful?

      any tips for how to feel confident and desirable again? any tips for easing the pain of the sores?(im struggling to even sleep with the pain)

      This entire thread helped me so much already more than i can explain. ive read a few other stories but yours was the most relatable and knowing that you went through it too and are willing to talk helps. heck i even was wondering if it was a guy from 2 years ago too and if this was a late outbreak!! i hope you see this ❤️ i kept going back to your posts every time i broke down to remind myself that someone went through the same and that maybe i can too. i really cant thank you enough

    • allie27
      allie27 dani13024

      Posted

      Hey there! I don't know if you come back to this often.

      First, I'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis, but happy you found this thread helpful.

      Second, you are still very much a "perfect person" and will have a great sex life throughout your life. I wouldn't risk having sex during an outbreak, but that's just me, and maybe it's fine since your partner has HSV too? If it hurts for you, I wouldn't advise it though. How long do your outbreaks take to clear? Do you take antivirals when you get an outbreak?

      Everyone is different in how it presents, so it's hard to say exactly how yours will be. But I definitely think it gets better with time (less outbreaks, less pain, shorter timeframe for the outbreak).

      Here I've been giving updates on what I've been doing, sex life status, how it's all going, etc.

      Hang in there, you are still more than worthy and it will get better! ❤️

  • jessica30436
    jessica30436 allie27

    Posted

    I totally understand what you're going through i am going threw the same thing 😭

  • kelsea75944
    kelsea75944 allie27

    Posted

    Hey, i wanted to let you know i'm in the same position. went on hinge to get my single wild side out and hung out with two guys. had unprotected sex and now a month and a half later and after 3+ weeks with guy i like, i had irritation after rough sec and then sores appeared. first one now a whole bunch all over. i feel awful. like so depressed. im awaiting results too now but was givin valtrex and BV meds for discharge. im so upset i feel foolish. i never wanted this. i have no idea which guy gave it to me but my doctor suspects my most recent hookup; the guy i liked. idk how to bring this up to him. like hey i like you but i think you gave me herpes? ugh im gonna wait for my results to come back. so far my blood panel was all negative for both herpes and im just confused like is it something else?? i really hope so 😦 youre not alone though

    • li48384
      li48384 kelsea75944

      Posted

      hey love I’m sorry to hear what you’re going thru, did you get your results back

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