Sick of arguing with my dad, just feel stuck

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I argue with my dad a lot. We disagree on pretty much everything. Just now we were talking about me overeating, which I'm trying to stop and he kept saying things like "When you're 20 stone you'll blame me for not telling you to stop." He also likes to bring up how he sees similarities between me and my mum - who was an alcoholic, ended up with liver failure and was homeless, and still has very bad mental issues. It makes me really mad that he says I am going to end up like her. I understand that I am addicted to junk food and trust me I KNOW the effects it has and what it can lead to. Trouble is most of the time I just don't care enough to stop eating and actually look after my health because I don't know why I should i.e. I don't know what there is to be happy about to motivate me to stop - but that's a different story. Anyway, yes I know the symptoms of junk food addiction are similar to alcohol addiction, like any addiction has similar or the same symptoms to others, and I think that is what my dad is trying to say. However it makes me feel worse that he says I'll end up like my mum - I don't remember a day when I was a child that she wasn't drunk and causing chaos and I struggle to get through a lot of life's aspects because of her absence and the impact she had and still has on me. Why would being told I'll end up like her motivate me? He also always likes to say that he went through 'hell' with my mum, and he doesn't want to go through it again. I witnessed this 'hell', I saw what went on and because of this I would constantly worry about my dad, and prayed that he would be happy, asking him everyday if he was ok. I cared and still care so much. When it comes to us fighting he just disregards this which pees me off. I don't know if he's trying to manipulate me in a way. It's obvious that he is trying to make me feel bad.

I don't know if I'm overreacting - my dad says he is trying to support me by saying this, and gets angry when I tell him it makes me angry that he would say that. It's like he forgets what I went through with my mum and that he is the only one affected (as mentioned above). I understand him in a way, which is why I try not to get too angry, but I just don't think he supports me in the right way at all. If he considers that 'support' then I just don't think I can talk to him about my problems anymore. He knows I have depression and am going to therapy, so I just don't know why he thinks this will make me feel better at all. I actually don't know if he struggles with accepting if he is wrong, or just thinks he is right all the time. If this is the case I don't think I'll be able to change it and will just have to accept that I can't talk to him.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the long rant. I'm just lying in bed now crying and I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I made plans for tomorrow but when we fight they go down the drain as I get the same thoughts about there being no point in doing anything if we fight all the time.

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  • Posted

    Hi Tasha, please don't take this the wrong way but i have no dad. On Monday coming it will be 7: year since the day he died. Life really is too old unless you think 66 is old, in those terms. Try to restore your relationship with him or accept that you'll beg to differ and draw a line underneath it. Hopefully you'll be OK. You can't change some people, you can learn to live with them. It will eat you up inside and leave you ill. If you can't ask your dad, like i can't ask my mum ask other people. I rely on other people, especially when it comes to anything to do with my health. I don't even tell her. I have a camera coming up in hospital, again i won't ask her to go with me, as i have not forgotten about her comments about being a hassle and a burden. I do understand you. Just don't bother your dad, ask any else but. Try this it may work better for you.

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    • Posted

      Hi Sam, I'm so sorry for your loss. although I don't like to think about it, I would be lost if my dad passed away, I don't take it the wrong way it helps to open my eyes and understand the reality of life so thank you for that. I am going to rely on other people, just because my dad and I have so many differences and disagreements so it wastes time arguing with him. thank you for replying and your advice x

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