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Today is 2/28/20. As I write this I find myself in my 8th or 9th week of what I feel is best described as Sighing/Yawning or Psychogenic Dyspnea. If that term is new for anyone I will explain. Ever since I was in my early 20's (57 now 😦) Have been able to take a deep satisfying breath which fills my upper lungs with so much air that I feel I could hold a musical note for two minutes or stay under water for a long time.
However, though I was aware of this I never though about it. Without boring you with my complete history suffice to say I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my late 20's. Most of my trouble
came from perceived health issues i believed i had or worried about getting. Eight weeks ago I started obsessing on getting this breath and when I couldn't I completely derailed. Now something I only thought about briefly is an OCD type issue which is controlling my life to the point of major depression setting in.
I've done much research on this and have only found a few sites that explain this debilitating condition. When working properly my diaphragm/upper belly comes out a little and all this wonderful air fills my upper lungs. It is so satisfying that it feels I imagine as if being on a drug like crack where you always want another high ( breath in my case) like that. When it doesn't come you try to force it which makes it harder to get and then makes you feel like you are not getting air to your upper lungs. In other words you are breathing but you feel and walk around like you are suffocating. The longest so far has been 14 hours that I couldn't get that deep breath. Now its all I think about until I try to sleep.
I've had blood work/chest xray and a physical a week ago. All is normal. I started Zoloft 6 weeks ago and it was raised to 200 mg this past week. I start therapy in two weeks.
And even though I know logically its all anxiety and mind related I can't stop. When I sleep Its not happening so I want to stay in bed all the time so that I can drift in and out of sleep and have some peace not thinking of it. As soon as I wake its my first thought. Can I get the deep breath? Dammit it's not coming. I sit up try to force it to the point of dry heaving because I'm trying to gulp in so much air.
At work its the same thing...And ironically I work in a Psychiatric Facility and know all about anxiety issues. Yet here I am. I don't want to think about it anymore. And if I do and I get the deep breath I want it to be enough for awhile, not where I'm thinking about getting it again 2 minutes later. I'm scared that it will never go away and I don't know if I can live like that. I know I'm not suffocating because I don't faint and haven't died. I know I'm still breathing and will continue to do so. However, that suffocating feeling is beyond horrible and even though I know that deep breath will eventually come I simply don't know how to cope with this awful feeling or this obsession. Thanks for reading and or commenting.
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