Signed off for two weeks - feel like I've failed

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi lovely folks

The psychotherapist has said I need more time off. I took four days off originally and have been back for around three weeks but its just not getting better but worse. I am feeling like I've failed. I can't think straight and the anxiety is so high all the time making it impossible to function properly at work. I am so upset I couldn't just keep going and worry I'll never be okay again. Has anyone else had to go back off after trying to get back in to work? I really feel at a loss and that I may never get better again

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  • Posted

    Hi Rachel don't be hard on yourself. You give it a go going back to work which was a brave thing to do. You just need a bit more time to get better. Anxiety is horrible and I know how you feel I found it tough when I went back to work. Good luck Rachel and remember your not on your own. Paul

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    • Posted

      Thank you Paul. I think I made an error in going back too soon beforehand. Four days was perhaps just not enough to really let the brain rest
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  • Posted

    Hi Rachel don't beat yourself up over this, over the last 6 months I have been in and off of work. I go when I can and don't when I can't. Do not focus on the not going negative but on the "I made it to work today, well done me" positive. I once thought I would never be able to do my job again but a GP once asked

    me, when voicing this fear, could you do your job before? My answer was yes, her reply, then you will be able to again

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  • Posted

    Hi Rachael

    Don't beat yourself up over it, you have given it a good try. When I first had health anxiety I took 11 weeks off from work. When I eventually went back I did 2 days the first week, 3 the following week for a couple of weeks and so on until I eventually went back full time. I think I read you are on 30mgs, that's quite a high dose. I started on 10 and went up to 20 but the med was too strong for me, had to go back down to 10. I stabilized on this for several years. There are many people here with a lot of experience on this med, I hope they will be able to share their experiences with you.

    Take care?

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    • Posted

      Hi Rachael

      When I started on 10mg for health anxiety several years ago due to a wrong diagnosis, I wasn't aware of any side effects, I may have had them but probably thought it was my anxiety because they are similar to anxiety symptoms. My anxiety was so bad, I had giddiness, headaches, afraid to go out, jelly legs, vision problems not being able to focus properly, terrified of being left alone and I lost a stone in weight. I used to worry about everything. I never used to read about citalopram or went on sites like this, I just took the med. Sounds naive but it's true. When I thought they weren't doing enough for my anxiety I asked my doctor for something different but he said it would take too long to get used to a new med so he upped it to 20. I wasn't on them long , just about a week. I just remember feeling worse on them, generally making my symptoms feel much worse so I thought they were too strong for me so I went back down to 10mg. Knowing what I do now it would have taken several more weeks or a few months even to get used to the new dose. In hindsight I would have been better off trying 15mgs. I took 11 weeks off work so that's the time it took for me since starting them to stabilize on 10mgs. I wasn't great for several weeks after starting back work but I gradually got better every day.

      Since reducing a few months ago and then increasing again because of the withdrawal effects, I am far more aware of side effects as I am experiencing them now. How I know they are side effects is because I wasn't feeling any anxiety up until I increased to 10mgs again and my anxiety has increased recently.

      Anxiety for me has been a nightmare, an intrusion in my life. I understand how frustrated you must feel but I did get better on 10mgs and my life returned to normal. Yours will too. I only question whether 30mgs is too high a dose to start out on as I know I would never have coped on that. We are all different though.

      I hope you start to feel better soon ?

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    • Posted

      Thank you for sharing more around what happened to you Lina. It sounds like it was a very difficult time, especially with the switching in doses. It certainly is hard to know what the right doses are. I know at the moment I still have terrible heart palpitations and as a result find it debilitating in my day to day as it affects my cognitive function also. This may be the dose but I also think it may be that it hasn't had enough time to build up in my system.

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    • Posted

      Hi Rachael

      Yes, I know that feeling, heart palpitations are horrible but so long as you are happy with your dose, as you say, it is early days yet and you will start to feel better.

      Take care

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  • Posted

    Hi there. 

    I’m in the same boat right now. My anxiety has been so bad the past month, it affected me at work so bad that I kept having to leave early. Then I just couldn’t go back because I would freak out. Seen a doc, started citalopram. Haven’t been to work in a good month now. I still don’t think I am ready rolleyes or if I’ll even be ready to go back to that job. I wish I can be myself again but my doctor keeps telling me to be patient. I’m only on week 3 on meds going into 4. 

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    • Posted

      Is still very early weeks for you candy..be patience.the more you get irritated by not feeling like yourself the worst it is for your recovery..
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    • Posted

      Hi. That isn't long on the meds at all. Does work cause you the anxiety? I keep wondering if I can't deal with stress but I've been in much more stressful situations at work before and been fine. I think I just got ill and then everything seemed too much. Have you been on the medication before?

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    • Posted

      My Work used to cause me so much stress.. it was a pretty toxic environment. It was always crazy busy, and I was a manager. I became unhappy for sure, so I thought that was why I went down so hard with anxiety and depression. rolleyes I had gotten a ear infection and then right after that, everything went downhill. Never been on meds before it’s my first time. I have terrible psychical symtoms of anxiety. I think that’s what I struggle with the most. I just want it to go away. sad 
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    • Posted

      I completely understand. The physical symptoms are awful and are the bit that I find the hardest - especially the impact on my ability to think straight. What I do know though is it does get better. I'm writing this almost not believing it myself but it is true as I've been here before and have got better. The symptoms do go and you'll wonder how you ever felt like it. It's a funny thing - when it goes you almost can't recall what it feels like or how you got like it. Perhaps it's the brain and body's way of protecting itself after the event. You will be better again I promise. Just as I will be! 🙂

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