Sleeping with the Enemy

I think if no one really explained herpes to you go the clinic. I did yesterday as I thought what happens next.

Tbh I feel so much better. Infact was told we all have this but some don't have symptoms and don't know they have it. This should not affect your life. Telling guys won't be fun I know felt ashamed telling my ex. There are really nice guys out there. It is very common 1 in 4 have this.It not the end of the world.

But.if u need a chat I am here and others too. Lots of people are negative out there over this as they got no idea. I looked on many sites it helps talking to people who have this.It really does I also had full std check and thought before when I had check up this was included nope it was not. As clear of everything else was always checking. This one nope did not know I had it. As people have said to me this is really not that bad theres far worse out there. Life too short really.Takecare

I've had hsv2 for 5 months now. I left an awful abusive rrlationship that I stayed faithful in and met the man of my dreams. Travelled half way round the world for hum and got incredibly ill. Big sores, fever, vomiting and tonsilitis. I took weeks to heal and kept having outbreaks. The doc put me on a continuous dose of aciclovir and now I don't ever have symptoms. If you suffer speechless, make sure you ask for help. There is a way to return to normality.

All of you are very new to this, I want to give you all some advice. It does get better. But it is not easy.

I knew deep down what I had, I was in a different country visiting this boy and had symptoms my whole last week there. I faced a 30 hour journey home alone with the initial outbreak. I remember being very teary.

The week I got back I stayed in bed in the dark in the house alone crying. My hsv2 positive results came back the night I got back to the UK. I cried. I felt disgusting. I could tell no one for fear of rejection. Not even my friends.

Then you get used to the idea a little more. The crying stops. I was so mad at this boy but he didn't know he had it. How could I be mad. He was very supportive even though he was 30000 miles away. Whenever I needed to talk or cry, he was on the other end of the phone.

My parents were on holiday and my brother away. I told them all what I had. They were all so supportive. My brother gets cold sores. I felt normal again. 50% of my family had herpes.

The coming months were very hard. I still felt disgusting. I had gone from feeling pretty much perfect (the looks the hair the job the house the car.. You know) I had worked so had all my life to get to where I had got. I had gone through years of endless abusive relationships. I finally meet the man of my dreams and I get herpes. I felt like a second class citizen. I can't even tell my best friend.

My boyfriend moved over to the UK. We are so in love. But it has been hard. I've been diagnosed with sever anxiety and depression. I couldn't cope. I kept falling into these irrational fits, crying and screaming. Having panic attacks. It was awful. I've gone on to antidepressants and anti anxiety meds and have been on them since the start of December. I started counselling.

It is helping.

My life goes on. I am doing well at work. I got a raise. My boyfriend loves me and I love him. The more time that goes by, the more I see that herpes has no effect over my life. I am not defined by herpes.

It is hard. But that is my perception of the illness. It is my perception that it makes me feel disgusting and I am terrified of rejection. My counsellor and I are now working on this and I am determined to change. There is no reason why I should feel as negatice as I do. I feel like I don't deserve love. Like nobody could love me now because of this. Which is ridiculous. Something like 80% of the population have some kind of herpes. It is an epidemic.

It is very hard I will not lie to you. Some people manage easier than others. I was getting constant outbreaks and found it very hard. My advice is that if you get constant outbreaks do not suffer in silence. The doctor will help you and put you on a continuous suppressive dose of antivirals. It's as though you don't even have the illness it is great

If you struggle mentally and emotionally, talk to someone please. I have other issues from a life time of abuse and the herpes knocked my confidence even further, but I have sought help and I now look forwards to my counselling. My family and boyfriend are incredibly supportive and I don't know what I would do without them.

At the end of the day. There's no point wishing we don't have it. Because we do. We need to work with what we have got and stick a middle finger up to the herpes and say 'F*** you we don't care'. We need to work to take care of ourselves. Eat well, sleep, exercise. Enjoy life. See the world. Get out there. Herpes means nothing. It's not a big deal. Sometimes the journey to get to this thought takes a little longer for some. But we will all get there.