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Sleepless,alone and scared.

Posted , 7 users are following.

BellaLuna
BellaLuna

8 weeks into the worst nervous breakdown of my life now, my poor husband is exhausted cos he's doing everything for me and he's up all hours with me too, some nights it's 2 hours sleep if lucky.

Tonight is no different for me, scared, awake and going over my fears, knowing I will wake panicking non stop if I ever do manage to sleep, don't know if I'll be able to even get dressed tomorrow, know I need to leave the house but not believing I can do it and even if I do I know I will panic cos I do every day.

This morning was so bad with panic that I was screaming at the out of hours mental health team to section me, they obviously didn't.

Anyway my husband is asleep, he is desperate and can't stay awake and I'm not doing well with all of this on my own.

I keep telling myself I can phone the crisis team again but scared no one will be available or it will be an unhelpful one, some are not great, it's pot luck.

I don't know why I'm posting really, no one can do anything and I expect people will be trying to go to bed too but it's being alone that's so horrible sad

1 like, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • kerry84695
    kerry84695 BellaLuna

    Posted

    How are you feeling today? xx
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna kerry84695

      Posted

      Awful Kerry, panicky, depressed, scared and in total despair, thank you so much for asking xx
  • jmcg2014
    jmcg2014 BellaLuna

    Posted

    i know how it is, i had a similar experience with local mental health teams, unless your a suicide risk - they really dont want to know.  I know too how it feels to feel utter terror, knots in stomach and feeling like the world is going to end - and all without really knowing why.  Its a horrible thing, im going through the same and did do a few years ago. Its so hard to get proper help
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna jmcg2014

      Posted

      They have said i can see a consultant next monday, it is 8 miles away and i am virtually housebound, they don't do home visits and they are insisting i have to take medication from that consultant but i'm terriied of it, i just wish i could pull myself out of it a little bit, i'm trying so hard.

      I'm sorry you are suffering too, everything you describe is how i feel too, i don't even know how i'm still here, to be honest i have many moments of wanting to end it all, i told them that too and they don't care, good luck with your fight.

    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 BellaLuna

      Posted

      No Dr, and definatly no physciatric nurse should ever pressure you into taking meds. Its absolutey not a requirement.  Therapy can replace meds very successfully and it is a personal choice.  I refuse meds too, like you i am phobic of them after a bad experience, i never will take medication. Tell them that they cannot and should not be forcing you to take medications and should be offering alternatives
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna jmcg2014

      Posted

      Thanks, i will do, i believe in therapy but of course they are just keen to get meds into me, i refuse to do it but then they refuse to help at all, it's a hard battle with them, i am on diazepam because they pressured me years ago and i wish i hadn't let them.

      I know i am desperately ill but believe meds are not the only way, sadly they think they are but i will tell them.

    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 BellaLuna

      Posted

      i know how it is, your perfectly within your rights to threathen them with a complaint if they continue to not offer you the treatment that best suits you as an individual
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna jmcg2014

      Posted

      Thanks, i will keep that in mind, i really don't want the medication and they are so insistent, even my gp is swaying towards it now but i think there are other ways.
    • jmcg2014
      jmcg2014 BellaLuna

      Posted

      there are, the medical profession think along medication routes - itsjust what they do. its best to just say "no thank you id rather try a therapuetic approach first to help me with my fear of medication and ill take it from there"
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna jmcg2014

      Posted

      That's a good idea, thank you, it's so hard to think clearly when you're like this.
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