So angry with myself

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Hi all, after 11 weeks of no drinking I have slipped back into my old ways of drinking (mostly daily). I feel so angry at myself and can feel I'm slipping back to depression. Can anyone suggest any sites I can look at in relation to the way the brain reacts or works in regards to drinking alcohol, (think I saw something a while ago on here). Tia

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  • Posted

    We virtually all have realspses, at one time or another. Don't be angry with yourself, because rather than giving up, you are picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and preparing to have another go. That is the sort of attitude that will make you succeed.

    You are correct in looking for an understanding of how your body and brain have been affected, to best combat alcohol. A quick link to look at just explaining post acute withdrawal symtomps is this site.

    Google 'post acute withdrawal symptoms' and choose the third result down called alcoholrehab (posts with links get automatically moderated). Someone else will came along with a more indepth site.

    There is a book that I can recommend that goes into some depth about it, again I can't post links, so PM if needed.

    The top and bottom of it is though, that your brain and body has been changed by alcohol and now sees alcohol as the norm, without alcohol, it senses something is wrong and sends you a message that it needs alcohol.

    The best way to combat it is medication - now believe me, I'm not one for taking medication unless I really need to, but for alcohol withdrawal, you really need the help of medication to help the body/mind to adjust back to normal. It allows the balance to return to normal and helps with that craving.

    There are two main meds. One for abstinence and one/two for adjusting your drinking down to lower levels. I can see by your point count that you have posted before, but it may help if you remind us a bit about your history and what it is you're trying to acheive, i.e. complete stop or safe drinking.

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    • Posted

      Thank you very much, yes of course brief history, I would say I have been a consistent drinker from around 15 now 43, I mean a bottle of wine a day plus binges now and then, did not drink through 3 pregnancies, I work full time, my family history is 5 brothers and sisters one died 16 years ago of drugs overdose, one brother has liver cirrhosis, one sister is addicted to crack and other to speed and now has mental health issues, my mother, now passed was an alcoholic. I have no contact with any of my family. So that may give you an understanding of why I am so worried, I think drinking become more of a problem as I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety, I use it as a way of coping although I know it has the reverse affect , I did not leave the house for a year so I have made progress in that respect, I think I feel angry with myself as I always see myself as a strong person, sorry for the rant but needed to get it off my chest
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    • Posted

      There seems to be now, a general agreement, that family genes from people with an alcohol problem, can lead to a predisposition to alcohol dependency.

      There are two types of drinker, one that drinks for reasons of stress, anxiety, depression etc, to overcome some pyschological condition. The second is some that likes it for the buzz, purely addicted to the buzz. Now that is not to say category a) does not like the buzz as well, but that it is not their primary driver. You seem to fall into category a).

      I take it that with the kids that there is a Mr.Ann somewhere. If so, do you get support there?

      In the grand scheme of things, one bottle of a wine a day is not a lot (Cue Joanna to come and metophorically smack me across the knuckles for saying that). And if you managed nearly 3 months without drinking and being able to stop under your own steam, then you are not alcohol dependent.

      Are you looking to stop completely, have a break or just reduce the frequnecy and amount?

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    • Posted

      I went to cri the alcohol outreach team and they said they won't prescribe meds unless you intend to go abstinent. Which is totally against what the Sinclair method stands for or is aimed at 😔
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    • Posted

      Then I would quote them the NHS constitution, which Joanna is better at with the details. But says something like, if a drug is approved by NICE/NHS and it is requested by you and is suitable for your needs, then they are failing under their obligations to prescribe it and help you with counselling, as they are funded by the mental health section of NHS funding.

      If they don't respond, you can complain to your local council Drug and Alcohol Action Team (DAAT) and if they don't respond then they are responsible to the local MP.

      I know most people aren't quite as forthright as me, but I would be straight back there and asking them if they are refusing to supply medication if you don't go abstinent. If they say yes, tell them what further steps you are going to take and do they want to reconsider.

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    • Posted

      Hi ,

      I am looking to stop drinking completely, as when I don't drink I feel amazing, I know what you are saying about the one bottle of wine because I went to a couple of aa meetings and felt I didn't "fit in". I do have support from my husband but I'm quite a lonely person really and tend to try and deal with things myself.

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    • Posted

      Ann -

      Look up Alcohol Deprivation Effect on the web, it explains why some quit and then relapse, time and time again, with each relapse worse than the one before. While most of the reports/studies have been done on lab rats, it can be seen to affect humans too. For some, there's a part of the brain that's programmed to seek alcohol and it will not respond to logic or reason. That part of the brain only knows of habits, but doesn't know the difference between a good habit and a bad habit. Unless care is taken to erase or neutralize that "recording" that drives one to drink, relapse is a very likely outcome for all but about 15% of those with Alcohol Use Disorder. 

      I use The Sinclair Method (TSM) and with little willpower involved, have cut my drinking from about 84 standard US units per week to about 17, over a 3 month period, with further reduction ahead. About 40% who use TSM decide to quit drinking entirely. The important outcome here is that choice in the matter as to when to drink and how much (if any) is restored. 

      There are other ways of going about it. RHGB uses something called Acamprosate (it requires you to be abstinent before starting). There's a book that goes over the various options, though some of the options aren't available in the UK, it's well worth reading. It's mentioned in the last post in this thread:

      Considering your family history which you've outlined here, it may well be that you are not one of the 15% that will be able to make do with AA/abstinence approach. I encourage you to research this topic further so you can know what you're really up against. It seems your findings might well be of use to others in your family as well. In any case, best of luck to you and please let me know of I can be of any assistance!

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    • Posted

      Then I would recommend Campral (acamprosate). It has quite a high success rate, but as with all medication, it is not guaranteed.

      It is an anti-craving drug. It has no side effects or reacts with other medicines/alcohol. It literally stops you thinking about alcohol.

      You are unlikely to get it from your GP, you will need to go to the local alcohol recovery centre and register with them to be prescribed it.

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  • Posted

    Hello Ann,

    I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time of it.  The battle never seems to end, but we just have to keep fighting.

    Do you take medication for your Depression?

    You have been given some good advice and information, here.

     Turn your anger away from yourself... towards the alcohol.  I need to take that on board, too !

    I am taking Selincro/Nalmefene to help me reduce my drinking.

    I wish you well on your course of action.  Have you told your Doctor about your drinking level?

    Alonangel 🎇

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