So sad

Posted , 15 users are following.

Hi,

i found this forum 10 months ago after my bilateral tkr's and like most of us, found it a godsend, with great advice, empathy and sympathy when I needed it.  I can't express how grateful I am for helping me get through and see a light at the ene of a sometimes dark tunnel.  I like reading what's been written, compare notes and give advice.  I am not an expert.  I'm not medically trained, I'm just overwhelmed by the journey and sometimes have to pat myself on the back for getting through this ordeal.  As you know, not been easy for any of us but at least we knew we could talk to each other here and share our stories.  This is turning out a bit long winded but I've recently discovered there has been some underhanded bullying going on in this forum, in the form of " personal" messaging, where another patient, who I only know through this forum, has been bullied to the point, she no longer gives advice or feels she can join in on any discussions.  How sad it has come to this.  I'm not going to mention names because your conscience will let you know who You are,   I do think you should feel ashamed.  We are none " holier than thou" and all in pretty much the same boat.  So what if some improve quicker and some swear that icing helps or that we've had more operations so should know everything so much better than other mere mortals on here.  We are all here for the same reason, advice and saving our sanity, when we think we're the only one going through this.  What right has someone got to rubbish the advice and take the cowardly way and send what they think in a private message.  What are we, spiteful teenagers??  It just makes me sad to hear this kind of thing.  it is a help " forum" after all.  Letting everyone have their point of view.  So children, be nice hey.  

thanks for listening......

 

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  • Posted

    Dear Sue

    I am quite saddened by your message to know these underhanded things are going on I am relatively new to the forum just 2 weeks. I have found it to be an invaluable source of of help and advice.

    I think you are very brave to post your findings. I support you 100%. Is there no one that manages the forum who can exclude such people.

    Jackie x

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  • Posted

    Sue- hard to believe this would be happening to anyone on this forum. Just goes to show how the use of the Internet can be so beneficial but also be the source of such negativity. I totally agree with you and thank you for posting. Have a great weekend.
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  • Posted

    People can be so cruel at times. This forum helped me in my first few days after my TKR, and although I read  the posts on here I don't always comment, but when I do I hope I can give a person the same support. Sending a big cyber hug to the person who has had to go through this horrible situation.

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  • Posted

    Thank you ladies,

    i really appreciate your support.  It really is sad isn't it.  She's a nice lady as far as I know and entitled to her opinion.  It's one heck of.an operation to get overt and we all need the encouragement offered by the forum.  Its independent views and mostly, great advice.  I must admit, at times, reading through,  that some are getting along great, I feel quite envious but I wouldn't send a private message calling that person a bragger and a liar.  We are all different and heal differently.  Circumstances make a difference, how and where we live.  Some are affected by the weather for instance.  

    I wont be bullied and will continue to join in.

    im 10 months post op and had a reasonable convalescence.  Last few days have been the worst yet!.  I spent a night at my daughters and carried a load of groceries up steps, now my whole legs and lower back ache Are killing me.  It's Winter here and quite cool. I'm sure the weather has a lot to do with it.  I used to think it was an old wives tale but now I'm an old wife, well....... lol.   Let's be kind to each other xx

     

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  • Posted

    OMG sue thats horrible that someone woils be like that sad

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  • Posted

    That really is bad. I've been on here for over 20 months, in a living hell & have only had help & sympathy right through the 1st painful bad TKR, & then the revision. I didn't even know you could private message - I used to "talk" to a lady (older than me) who had the name "Tucks", & she just seemed to disappeare - so I've spent months wondering how she has got on - we all seem to know each other after what e've been through. Thanks for pointint it out, there is also admin who can look into it - there was a "troll" ages ago, but admin got rid of him/her.

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    • Posted

      Hi Veronica Nice to see your name again after all this time. for some reason, I stopped getting messages from the forum and found it difficult to getback on it. . .I do hope that your revision was a success and that you are now well on the road to recovery?  My TKR is now about 17 months, and very good. . oity my ankles have now given out on me!!!  Still, taht's old age for you!  I also wonder what happened to Tucks. . . I do hope she's OK!  all the best valerie

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    • Posted

      Hello to you too!

      I wish I could say the revision knee was hunky-dory, but I can't! It is, however, a million times better than what the first guy did to me. I can walk a lot ( up to 3 miles as long as I stop & have a drink before I set off for the 3 miles back home) but have to still ice & elevate when home, I can now go upstairs properly, & sometimes, downstairs - but mostly that is still one stair at a time - it is so stiff - I have had 2 aspirations because of fluid, but they are now leaving it as it's not infected. I see the 2nd surgeon again in October, which will be almost a year since the revision, but he did say it would take the full 18 months - 2 years to get right. It's still the 1st thing I think about when I wake, & the last thing before I nod off!! On the plus side, I rarely take painkillers, & I sleep OK now - so all in all, I can live with it. I do notice a slow month on month improvement. So pleased for you re yours - such a shame re the ankles - mine swell when I stand & iron or do a large bake session, but it's a good excuse to put the feet up & read!

      I stopped reading all the messages from the forum - I have a quick glance every now & them, but I'm trying to get on with what life I have left (hopefully a long one!) & try & forget the past 20 months!

      Today I got up at 6am, & did a car-boot with my husband - we have so much clutter to get rid of - it was sunny/breezy & we both really enjoyed it - ( we didn't do any last year because of my painful knee) now to spend our "takings" on a carvery this evening!!

      Keep in touch - Veronica

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    • Posted

      I also stopped getting messages for awhile and couldn't find any way to get back on. I would have to go back on the website to read any messages. And then al of a sudden, I just started getting them again! Anyone know why this happened?

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  • Posted

    Sue, wow!  Didn't know anything like this had been happening, if you're not an admin then how did you know of this?  I didn't even know you could private message anyone. I was only just thinking how nice this forum is, as a couple of FB groups I'm on sometimes get a bit childish. Everyone's journey is different, I am very grateful for the help and support that I've got from here, and why anyone would want to sully that is beyond me. Sending best wishes and healing thoughts to all. 

     

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    • Posted

      Hi Lucie,

      no, you're right, I don't work in admin. I was lucky enough to get a " personal" message from this person.  They felt they could help me and they did.  The person then told me about the bullying and why I won't see them on the forum anymore.  I have " other" problems, like a lot of us I'm sure, that don't post about it because it's a knee forum after all.  This person read into what I'd posted one day and got in touch.  I am very grateful to them.  We are not best buddies, we live on different sides of the world but this person was lovely and went beyond the post and helped me.  We will stay in touch but like most of you, would like them to come back and not let one, who should know better, stop them giving invaluable advice.  

      Anyway, I've said my peace and sort of feel better for bringing the subject up.  I'm not sure if the poor person feels the same way.  They didn't know I was speaking up.  I'm not anyone's " champion" but this world is a mess with so many injustices.  Why the hell would anyone want to spoil someone's enjoyment of a knee forum? Aaaaargh! Lol. Sorry, that's it now.  Im down off my high horse.

      thanks for listening xx

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  • Posted

    Hi sue, I've been on this forum for over12 mths now with 2 tkrs and have found the help and support invaluable. Yes we all have our differences ,but this is a forum to HELP each other, not to be nasty to others. I have read posts that I think are great and the odd few a bit over zealous but they are the minority and I tend to take them with a pinch of salt so to say. I do wish whoever is being bullied please come back as they have our overwhelming support. Please don't let the bullies win it would be awful .

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  • Posted

    Very unaware of any of this going, however I'm with you.... "Children behave".   Great post!..... 

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  • Posted

    Agree fully. Plz let's all help and not hurt one another. We r already in physical pain.

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