Socially isolated?

Posted , 9 users are following.

ive noticed when reading through conversations on here how socially isolated many of us are. I'm wondering whether it's been a choice to have a few good friends who don't always understand what we're going through, or that fibro has isolated us. We can't go out the way we used to and I know from experience that we can't plan anything because we don't know how we will feel. I know I'm far more isolated than I used to be.

4 likes, 132 replies

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  • Posted

    That's very true I don't have a social life as I've always felt tired and lack of energy
  • Posted

    I know I'm just to tenacious, or if you ask my hubby bloody stubborn, to give up and let life pass me by. I may spend a lot of time at home but I'm lucky in that I still has some friends that are willing to stick by me. I Skype with one daughter and talk on the phone with the other. I still have my mum too and we talk often as I do with my step mum, sadly my dad passed 3yrs ago. I don't have a bad life, it's just a little complicated at times. Talking on here has also brought me much closer to people who do understand because we're all rowing the same boat.
    • Posted

      We are all rowing in the same boat on here.smile take care gentle hugs
    • Posted

      Absolutely. It may get a little rocky at times but we are never totally alone. There are some amazing folk on here to offer support and understanding. One united family in fact.   I still miss my Dad every day - he died the same time as Princess Diana.  It hurts so much when we lose our parents. I do think that the loss of community has a lot to do with the feeling of isolation. We used to know everyone who lived in the road now we haven't a clue. Everyone just gets in their cars in their driveways and off they go, they never walk anywhere to talk to neighbours in gardens or anyone else out and about.  So sad.
    • Posted

      where I live in a cul de sac the neighbours are friendly if they can help you with anything they will. if they see my husband they always ask after me and how Im doing, smile 
    • Posted

      Gosh how fortunate you are. It used to be like that where I live but then alot of buy to let investors moved into the road and now it is full of people who will only stay 6 months and have no interest in the locality or community. Many are on short term employment contracts for foreign companies. The area has changed so much over the years.  I yearn for the old days but they say we must progress. Wouldnt exactly call it progress though.
    • Posted

      we have a couple of houses down here that were bought to let out, but the people that have moved in except 1 couple have been fine when Ive been ill theyve said to my husband can we help in any way. thats a rareity people offering to help but they are pretty good down here so Im lucky in that way. christmas last year 1 of the neighbours cooked us caes as a christmas gift which was kind and thoughtful of hersmile
    • Posted

      cooked cakes for us I meant to say wish my brain would engage into 1st gear and stuck in reverselol ohh to be normal again
  • Posted

    Hi Lisa;  I fully agree that our isolation has come about due to the fact that "we can't Plan ahead, as we don't know from one day to the next what we are going to be like....how we ae going to feel".   I have raised this before, even in relation to having  part-time employment....there are some ladies/forum contributors who go for days without sleep....how can they cope, I have No idea.....and yes, one lady does work part-time, and it amazes me how she keeps going....she is one Very Tough lady....there have been times (only in the last couple of weeks, when a special friend wanted to visit....I was planning to have physio over where she lives....had made all the arrangements...but by mid-morning...I Just could not Walk..let alone drive to physio....I Felt that I had Really let her and myself down)......can be Very Demoralizing......I need to really plan, and try not to do anything the day before something is happening...and as you say, if others don't fully understand our Fibro (or whatever may go with it),,,,they make plans that fit into their Busy schedules, and we do feel obliged to try and keep their invitations....can be a another Rollercoaster issue....no REAL answers, yet......redface   Brn
    • Posted

      I know exactly how you feel. Apart from noticing the occasional comment on here, it was actually my grandson that prompted the discussion. He's almost 5 and due to some complicated issues surrounding my daughters ex, she cannot come to visit me and be absolutely safe. Well the conversation with my grands owner something like this..... 

      He "nana?" 

      Me "yeses?" 

      He" I love you nana. Wish I could spend aaaalllll day with you" 

      Me" I know sweetie, but maybe one day" 

      He" I know, we could have a picnic and everything" 

      Me " well maybe one day" 

      He "It's not fair nana, your always poorly. Can I make you better?" 

      And so on, but this exchange made me realize that by no fault of anyone's the most I could promise him was an hour or two, where there are lots of people and away from either of our homes. All he wants is a whole day with his nana having a picnic. I have on occasion even had to cancel this precious time that I have with him and his mum. All because the combined effect that the conditions I have on my body can take their toll. 

      I admire the people that have fibro and other conditions, who can still function socially and with regularly. When my mum turned 65 she developed breast cancer for a second time and was having chemo and radio at the same time such was the aggressiveness of this recent bout. Despite this she continued to work full time between treatments as an area manager of a high St chain. I could barely function with no name as to why. That was almost 5yrs ago, and she beat cancer again for the fourth time. I think if it wasn't for her and the fight she put up I would have given up on myself a long time back. Now I think if she can fight like that at her stage in life then I dam, sure I can too. 

      Does it make life easier? No. 

      Does it still make us demoralised and frustrated? For sure. 

      Im not sure what I'm really trying to say here except there are times when it really hits home how much we miss out on, but how determined I am to keep fighting against the isolation. Your right it really is like living a roller coaster. 

      Hope yourweek goes well and gentle hugs. 

    • Posted

      Hi bronwyn it wasnt your fault you couldnt drive to physio or felt up to seeing your friend you musnt be hard on your self we cant help how we are none of asked for this condition. its not like we do things on purpose we cant help it if we cant get to appointments or not up to seeing friends.I take each day as it comes as I never no how Im going to be. Im still trying to get to the drs as Ive to have a blood tests done for my other conditions I will get their at some point.none of us like letting people down especially friends. but if their a true friend they will understand.and if they dont well their not a true friend take care gentle hugssmile
  • Posted

    I don't feel isolated at all..I have many many church friends.who are always there for me and visa versa, I have small loving understanding family-(a daughter her husband and 3 yr old grandson) who live about 22 Kilometers away..my other two daughters live on the mainland, I don't see often but in constant contact via email and facebook) guess it comes down a tad to what you do in life...as I had to give my license up 4 years ago..thought there goes my freedom.now I will be totally isolated..but I wasn't... My family immigrated here to Australia from the UK in the late 50''s, so I don't really have any extended family....but I have a really caring, loving husband who encourages me to go to different social events with my friends...he always says:. Go on you can do it...whenever I think I won't bother..it's much easier for me to, just to stay in the comfort of home...saying all this..I have seen people who have become very isolated..it was usually down to what their friends were like...such a pity...I'm just sooo thankful that I do have a huge mass of church friends and some very close ones too...this is a very important question Lisa...many must suffer with this rotten condition quite alone..and they shouldn't..well done,.be blessed..have a lovely day.,:-) xx
    • Posted

      Hi christine Im so pleased for you that you dont feel isolated, and you have friends family for help support to have that goes along way in our condition. we all need help support to get that is a blessing. take care smile
    • Posted

      Absolutely, it's better than medicines sometimes I reckon...sooo sad for thise sufferers who have no body or friends and family that are just not their

      for them...:-) xxx

    • Posted

      Hi christine my friends dont understand my condition and dont want to understand it. so dont see them very oftern Im not in contact with my family. my mum has sadly passed a way. the only person I have is my husband. I have 2 boys but they dont care or understand, so my support is my husband, I feel for any 1 that even doesnt have that and is totally alone. its not easy copeing with this condition even with support. but having no support is even harder take care 
    • Posted

      Soo sad that your friends don't understand kaz. Maybe doing them an info print out from a web page might be helpful..I've known that to work..but it really does make you wonder doesnt it...when you have to go to that much trouble just to make them understand....when they are meant to be friends....honestly, I have literally had to stop some friendships....I'm not about bothering with them, when I'm trying to deal with my health issues..if they can't see how bad you get..are they really worth bothering with, spending your valuable time on. sounds a bit harsh..I still really love them and they know it..but, I can't afford toxic relationships ....if it wasn't for my huge church family...I would be quite alone I suppose, just hubby, me and one married daughter, son-in-law and grandson...I couldn't imagine living with this condition without the care and support I get..for sure..be blessed kaz

      ..have a lovely day..:-) xxx

    • Posted

      Hi christine I have backed away from several friends, if the cant try to understand and support me? well their not true friends. any 1 that is negative I try to avoid also as that doesnt help with our condition. I get no support from husbands family, his mom just keeps on at me to get a job, wish I could work dont like not working. Ive worked all my life in between having my two sons. never mind I just cope deal with things the best way I can, and just plod on. finding this forum has been a great help. As your talking to people that understand and are in the same situation as you. so this forum and you lovely ladies have helped no endsmile Take care christine hope you have a lovely day
    • Posted

      Thanks Kaz..you have a lovely day too..it's sooo foggy here, the fog never lifted yesterday at all....we are in the Tamar Valley and not far away from the river, so I guess it can be expected here in winter..it's nearly 9am here, we have our grandson Wednesdays and go to a play centre...so he gets pretty tired..mm..so do we..but by the time we have lunch out and come back home...mums here...he does keep us young though..he's three..and sooo well behaved,,.a dream...be blessed Kaz..:-) xx

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