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Someone out there feeling the same? Am I losing my mind? What to do???

Posted , 6 users are following.

Babette
Babette

Dear all,

I've suffered with anxiety/panic attacks for the last 17 years. I have been on citalopram for 13 years and have stopped just over 2 weeks ago and started sertraline 50mg instead. Citalopram was not working very well anymore. The first 2 weeks everything was fine and in the last 3 days my anxiety is awful!!! I always feel like I'm the only to feel this way as the symptoms are so intense that I wonder how I manage to go through the day. I feel like jelly, mind racing, jaw is so tense that I feel like screaming so much everything is, all the usual symptoms I guess plus waves of being petrified! I can't think or eat it's awful Im so scared I'm going insane! I have an appt at the docs this afternoon but im so scared. He'll probably increase the dose but im terrified it will be like this for the next 2 weeks!! I just had it! It's so unfair! It ruins my life! I had CBT but didn't help much, I try to distract myself and do some breathing exercises but how long again is this gonna last for!! I'm going on holiday in 3 weeks and I NEED TO BE OK!!! Everything feels unreal and unsafe sad I hate it so much. I want to feel like myself right now! I'm panicking as it's the weekend soon so it's not like I can distract myself with work... It will be so hard sad does anyone ever feel so intense, petrified, jellyfish, frozen, feel like ur going to collapse, or scream or going mad... Please someone reassure me. My partner doesn't understand any of it and I can't blame him. My family is abroad and I don't really tell them as mum is very anxious anyway and when I talk or see them for some weird reasons my anxiety is over the roof! I love them to bits but I guess I associate them with my first panic attacks so I find it extremely difficult to forget that. It's awful as I always find excuses not to see them or if I have to i panick weeks before.... This whole thing is a nightmare and I feel so lonely. X

4 likes, 17 replies

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  • lesley15204
    lesley15204 Babette

    Posted

    Hi Babette,i have just joined this group,it was recomended by my gp.I am a member of another group,and talking to like minded people helps me.

    Like you there are people close to me who don't understand,so i try not to discuss it with them coz it makes me feel worse.

    I get more anxious and fearful when i have too much going on at once,and i find i can't multitask either.

    My brain freezes sometimes and it makes me more anxious,i feel stupid to when i can't get the right words out,i've started writing things down,my short term memory can be bad,my concentration isn't too good either.

    Hop this helps,and you don't feel so alone x

    • Babette
      Babette lesley15204

      Posted

      Hello Lesley, it is so difficult not having someone we can talk to. Atm I wish I could sleep and wake up when it's all fine again. It's so hard to describe how I feel - I'm so terrified to lose control sad(

      I've never come across someone that feels just like me but I guess we are all different... I still find it a very lonely place but thank God we can chat and exchange our experiences on here. X

  • lynda70899
    lynda70899 Babette

    Posted

    Hi Babette

    i know you feel like your losing your mind but you are not.  You have extreme anxiety at the moment.  I think you hit on it when you said seeing your family is one of your triggers.  I know I have certain triggers and I avoid certain situations.  Is there anyway you can cancel your trip until you have things under better control.  I'm sure your family would not want you to suffer like this.  Not sure if this is helpful.  Glad your going to see your dr.

    • Babette
      Babette lynda70899

      Posted

      Thank you Lynda. I won't see my family until July so hopefully it will have settled by then. We are going abroad with some of my partners colleagues in 3 weeks so I need to be fine! I have to! Right now I'm working from home and trying to concentrate on that but I feel shaky and weird just like I'm not quite there sad I feel so scared of feeling this way sad Hate not feeling myself or in control. I hope that you are ok. X thank you x
  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox Babette

    Posted

    Hi Babette,

    sorry to to hear you are not doing well but  do understand, I am also in the early stages of taking an SSRI and I know that they do take a fair few weeks to take effect unfortunately just because you were on one doesn't mean they will swap over without a hitch. I would expect your doctor to up your dose today as these drugs as you probably know need to be increased gradually and as hard as it is to say the side effects can oft be quite unsettling. All I can suggest for you partner is to get them to read the leaflet that comes with the medication so he is aware of the side effects, maybe phrase it as "can you let me know if I start showing any of these" once he has read them all it should open his eyes to the kind of meds they are. Other than that meditate, keep a journal and talk, post on here, what ever it takes. The meds will work but they need time, unfortunately they don't just hand out the diazepam anymore 

    stay strong, our hearts are with you

    • Babette
      Babette Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Thank you so much David, that did cheer me up a bit. The doc told me to carry on with the 50mg for now and he said we'll reassess it in 2 weeks again. He said the increase should not be too bad as the medication would have already been in my body for 4 weeks.

      In regards to my partner it is difficult as he is very black or white but I can't blame him for not understanding. Even to me this condition doesn't make any sense! And the fact that I don't really have a trigger is difficult.. In fact I don't think I have ever accepted it. It is ruining my life and stopping me from doing things and being happy. When I started sertraline 2 weeks ago we decided that I should not read the leaflet that came with it as we both knew That I would analyse every little thing which Would have most probably made things worse. I guess that for the time being I have to grin and bear it sad

      Which medication are you on David? I hope you are not feeling too bad. X

  • Babette
    Babette

    Posted

    Hi all, as I just got home from the doctors I thought I'd let you know how it went. He told me to carry on with sertraline 50mg. He said the citalopram probably left my body and sertraline is kicking in. He told me to take propanolol (beta blockers) in the mean time and that hopefully the anxiety should settle in the next few days. I have to go and see him in 2 weeks again.

    I said I feel like I'm going insane and feel like screaming and he said im not abnormal and that if I wanted to scream then to scream! Which made me smile a little.

    I truly hope he is right in saying that the feelings should subside. I just can't handle this anymore. On and off and on and off and on and off for so many years and all the time with my family!! How can I get rid of this horrible condition! I just want to be happy and me!!!

  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox Babette

    Posted

    Babette,

    brilliant to hear that your doctors visit was, shall we say a success? Whilst I understand it's hard for you and your partner, you need each other. If you broke your leg he wouldn't think twice about supporting you so why not now? As for reading the leaflet in hindsight I admit it may scare the poop out of both of you especially if your not used to the lingo, I am on a SSRI called Paroxetine and am also on Diazepam. You are strong, you have a hard journey but you are not alone. Hold your head high and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings.

  • rhian61976
    rhian61976 Babette

    Posted

    Hi babette I totally relate to what you are going through, I have suffered for about 20yrs,the worst is feeling like your going insane I have convinced my self so many times that I am actually going insane but I'm getting to the point were I have to realize all these years of fearing it, it hasn't happened yet even though it has felt like it on many occasions, I've brought up my kids and hold down a full time job, hardly the actions of insanity lol but it is so difficult when gripped by terrifying thoughts. There is an amazing book by a Dr Clair weeks called self help for your nerves which can bring some comfort, I ha've read many books but allways come back to this one she writes with such compassion and really understands what we are going through just reading some of her book sometimes works as well as medication I'm on medication but sometimes find it's a waste of time. As for your up and coming holiday you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be well by then, I used to do the same but getting well is not going to happen like that it takes time and that's painful to accept when you feel like this illness has allready taken enough of your life and time, evertime I visit my family and grandkids all I want to be is well to enjoy them and feel love for them instead of this constant battle in my head,I visit them about twice a week, so like yourself I put pressure on myself eveytime and feel disappointed when it doesn't happen. I know the answer is not to put so much pressure on myself and just accept that for now I have to put up with the anxiety and eventually it will go I have been practicing and things have got a bit better, this site has helped a lot as mostly I have felt I am the only person going through this, anyway enough of the essay and good luck with getting well again xx

    • Babette
      Babette rhian61976

      Posted

      Thank you Rhian. I'm sorry to hear you are going through it too. It is horrid. I have heard of this book, I shall check it out. I tend to feel better in the evenings. I take my med before I go to bed. But from the minute I get up to roughly 6pm I feel all over the place!! So so anxious again today, can't wait for this medication to settle. Weather affects me a lot as well.. Today is not good sad but just have to keep at it and think that it will get better. Thank you x
  • Babette
    Babette

    Posted

    Hi all. I hope you are all doing ok. Today has been very hard especially tonight. I feel so so anxious it is so scary. I feel I can't cope with anything. My head feels like exploding, Im shaking, I'm terrified of the stupidest things, I'm on edge, snapping at everything... So sick and tired of it all. It's been bad in the last few days but I feel like I've managed to somehow reason my thought, but not tonight!! I'm gonna sound insane but we got a rescue dog earlier today and I feel like my nest has been intruded, it's too much, too chaotic! I have a dog already which I love to bits but she is obviously very jealous so lots of ups and downs and barking... I love animals but tonight I feel it is sending me over the edge! sad why, how can I feel this way?! Right now I want my peace and quiet but thinking about how manic it will be tomorrow makes me want to gag and makes my body all jellyish! sad( I've just taking 20mg of propanolol and I'm in bed. I really feel like I'm losing my mind!! Dizzy! Sick of feeling this way!!!! Terrified of being terrified!! How long is this gonna last for... I want to wake up and feel good and happy! I've tried so hard this week not to let it bring me down too much but tonight I have utterly failed, feel like I can't function.
  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox Babette

    Posted

    Okay Babette,

    lets just forget tomorrow for a second and get you settled.

    right I want you to breath, sit up in bed ignore everything else,mid someone is with you tell them your meditating. Sit straight but comfortable, and breath and count each breath. 

    Imagine you are sat by a river, your thoughts are like fish see them but let them swim by do not catch the fish. If you find yourself dwelling on a thought "catching a fish" tell yourself to throw it back and let it swim away. If you lose count start again, the counting or the number means nothing it just gives the mind something to do. Try 100 breaths then post me back

    • Babette
      Babette Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Thank you David. Im gonna try and fall asleep using your fish method. Thank you.
    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox Babette

      Posted

      Let me know how it goes tomorrow sweat dreams (of fish)
    • Babette
      Babette Davesoapbox

      Posted

      Hello David. I had a horrid night, I hardly slept. Had to get up at 2.30 and speak to the neighbours as they were being noisy, after that the rescue dog came in the bedroom too and it was just too much. I had panic attacks the whole night. When I get like that I find a cause for it and right now it's because of that dog! I hate myself so much! I just didn't expect my dog to be so jealous so she follows her everywhere! It feels like I have young kids around me and I find it really hard to cope with right now. I feel terrified, and always do when I'm highly anxious. I feel like going to a and e and say I think I'm going insane. Feeling dizzy, shaky, hot, fuzzy, want to vomit so stressed I am, I can't calm down!!! I listened to relaxing music the whole night. Even if I have a moment where I feel better I suddenly think about how awful I felt earlier on or last night and it brings it back on again. Right now I feel that if the rescue dog left it would be more bareable but I shouldn't be feeling like this! I feel awful for it! We have to keep her for another couple of days I think but that feels like an insurmountable task. sad she is lovely but just doesn't work with my dog. Plus those stupid neighbours last night again!! Pfffff.... Please make me feel better! I'm starting to regret taking those med! I was fine for a few months. I think I'd rather feel numb than like this. Plus how can the first 14days be ok and then hitting me like this!! Doc told me to take propanolol in the meantime but that scares me too. Although I took half a tablet last night. I just want to feel fine that's all. When will it all go away..
    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox Babette

      Posted

      Hi Babette,

      thanks for the update and I'm truely sorry for you that you had a bad night. Trouble with pets is there are territorial and it might take a few days for things to settle. As for your neighbours they would chose last night to be annoying lol anyway these things are sent to try us and you can handle this, you are strong and determined. Whilst I don't want to seem an advocate of medication it does help so get em down your neck. But you also need to continue to work on self help, relaxation, meditation, did you try the fish by any chance? Your most important thing right now though is to start writting, get a notebook and get all your pain and frustration down on paper. And once it's in that book tell yourself you don't need it in your mind

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