Son of COPD patient.

Hey there again,

I will talk to dad this weekend and get the link etc, I'd be interested in reading about the condition(s) and would like to give any help or advice if I possibly could. I don't think there is any point in going through this to not share it.

The house is fantastic thanks for asking. I lived in a roughish area in Belfast before the move, and now I am in a nicer area in a pretty spacious apartment and is such a relief to be able to home from work and kick back in a nice place. So, yeah I love it... Mum does too judging by the amount of sleep she got in it

It was great to have her down, and the place is only 10 minutes from the hospital she needs to visit for her specialist treatment and consultants, so she might be able to pop up and visit from time to time!! That'll mean I have to keep the place tidy however!

I hope to join the discussion group over the weekend Tessa, so look out for that. I will keep this post going too, as I find it quite stimulating.

Robbie.

Hi there,

I've now registered to the site, and have joined the COPD discussion group.

I will keep this thread going too, as it's been quite a marathon, and I hope it makes interesting reading for those that read it. I'll keep posting new developments with my mum in the hope that someone can associate with the experiences I have with COPD as a non-sufferer.

At the moment mum is a bit busy as she hopes to help her sister out with some 'sister stuff' - god knows what that might be! Mum's best friend has also been admitted to hospital so she is doing her best to visit the hospital as a visitor rather than a patient, which I think is important to her since she can support someone very important in her life. My dad is very supportive to mum and does everything he can to help mum do this, and maintain her stats as best he can.

In the past mum has not really been able to get out and visit people as often as she liked, which has really got her down on occasions. However, recently she has been quite active and is enjoying helping others, and being supportive when she can - which in turn puts a smile on all our faces. When i started this thread, I could not have imagined this being the case and although my mum has put the work in, I think my dad must also take a lot of credit for this.

I hope you are all well,

Robbie.

Hi Robbie,

Great to catch up on all your news. So pleased you like your new place and can relax there.

I hope you can continue to keep this thread going. With all you experience you would be able to help a lot of people help themselves.

I have gained a lot of good info from your Dad already.

It's wonderful to hear about your Mums progress and now she is able to help and support others. That must make her feel so good.

Had my cataract operated on yesterday and so vision is just settling down now, so I thought I would check this site out. But things are still a little blurry.

I have taken your Dads advice and started practicing taking my pulse three times a day. That will be a great help in monitoring the situation.

Hope your day has been a good one.

Tessa

Hey Tessa,

Really glad your operation went well, you'll notice some difference - which my mum told me about so good on you for that. Mum had a patch on her eye for a day or so before taking it off.

I am also really glad dad has been helping you. He is a very good knowledge base, and I hope he can help you and other people. He's not a doctor or anything, but he is trusted by them with my mum which I think speaks volumes.

I really hope I can help others deal with what I have dealt with. It can be a lonely thing realising that someone you love isn't going to be around for ever, so in writing this tread I hope someone can read it and learn from what I've done well, or what I've done poorly in relation to my mum... All the rest is just chit chat.

I've got a few days off now, as Northern Ireland kicks full-on into bank holiday mode... So I'll be kicking back relaxing in my new apartment. I might even head up to my parents place and pay a little visit. I'll post how mum has got on after the wee break.

Hope you are well,

Robbie.

Robbie,

I'm sure your experiences will be of great help to other people in the same position as you are. Whoever reads this thread and is struggling to care for someone with COPD trying to accept the illness, will benefit from readng about how you and your Dad have worked to improve your Mums health.

Have a relaxing holiday.

Tessa

Hi again,

I did have a lovely few days off - indoors as the weather was terrible! Now I am back at work, it's beautiful outside - typical. I have registered for the discussion group now, so hope to start looking at that each day now too.

I was just reading through these posts there, and it's been quite a few months for my mum. It brought me back to when she went into hospital, and I felt a bit numb. I remember going to see her for the first time when I came out of work with my sister and her fiancé - my heart sank. She was in a private room by herself and ever so frail. All I could do was hold her hand, then give her a big hug which isn't something I do alot. We have a caring relationship without the touchy stuff.

I remember feeling so utterly helpless, and shocked that she was in such a state. I hardly slept while she was in hospital due to worry, but I would never tell her. I would just smile and try my best to let her know that everything was alright with me - after all she didn't need something else to worry about. I didn't go and see her every day to give her some rest, and to let others visit but that made it more of a worry and if she did take a little downturn I would see it more, if that makes sense.

Thinking back, when we were alone that one time and we talked about it being the end mum wondered if she should be direct with the doctor and ask, but I asked if she REALLY wanted to know. She later thanked me for that, but I remember walking out of the room that night very worried about my mum and what if she did ask, and they gave her the answer she feared? I hoped she wouldn't ask, as she would be alone and that made me sad. I didn't know how she would cope.

Mum is the kind of woman who would rather make do than put someone out, or ask if they would mind doing something for her - unless its her family. I visited one day with my dad and found that her nebuliser was broken, so doing what a concerned son should I queried it with the nurse who came into the room and fixed it pretty quickly. I looked at my mum who wasn't in great shape still and she was so embarrassed, but very greatful. I asked another nurse to move her bed as her O2 tube wasn't long enough - that had the same result. I remember thinking at the time, 'You should just say something mum' but then I though what if I hadn't asked, and I felt for the people who are not in my mum's shoes and have no son or husband or daughter to visit them or care for them. I felt sad at that.

Luckily after that, she started to improve when her drugs were changed and the specialist doctors visited and gave her the once over. She started talking more, and didn't look so tired. When she is tired her eye's go dull and she slurrs her speach a little, so we all leave and let her rest - we do that still and it works well. Because she wasn't as tired, she talked more and the visits got a bit longer which was nice because we could see the improvements in her appearance, and her spirit. It was quite amusing at the time as when she started feeling better, she started worrying about money and giving us little jobs to do - tell tale signs she is getting a bit better!

It was a very hard time for us, but as a family we got through it. I wish everyone who suffered had a family like ours.

A comical thing happened during a recent visit. I popped up to help my dad with his computer and my mum was expecting my brother and his baby to visit too, so my mum planned to come downstairs for his visit. So, she walked from her room to the stair lift, down the stairs and walked into the living room and looked at me with really panicked eyes... I just sat there and smiled blankly, then realised she didn't have her oxygen thing up her nose... Oops. We got it sorted, then laughed about it! Bless her.

I hope you've enjoyed reading, and are well. Hopefully someone can read this and draw something from it.

Robbie.

Hello Robbie and Tessa

I am Angie. My husband has COPD and emphysema and I have been reading your posts. I love the positivity in the way you are coping with things. Im not too sure I am coping that well, perhaps on the outside I am being the strong one. My lovely darling husband has just turned 60 is struggling with his breathing and the depression which the illness has brought.

He was a joiner and smoker for many years.. and what with the wood dust and plaster dust coupled with not wearing a mask...now he is suffering for it.

He has been in hospital 4 times since Christmas eve...

We only wed on 7th December, we have been together 7 years and now I am scared of what is going to happen next.

Even though I am a Medical PA I am not too clued up on COPD and Emphysema. He has been told he has bilateral scattered emphysema by his Chest Consultant.

Sorry if my post is coming across a little disjointed ...

I just wanted to share this with you... Kind regards Ange

Hi Angie.

Thanks for putting your experience on the post... I don't have COPD, but I do deal with it quite a lot with my mum. I do see first hand what the disease does to the sufferer. Mum grew up in London in the early 50's and is very sure that the P-Supers there made her chest worse than it should have been... Smoking obviously played a major factor too! So I can understand what you mean about your husband being a joiner. In fact, my mum had a friend who got lung disease who was operated on and the surgeons found carpet hair in the lungs... The poor woman had her carpet re-laid and ended up really ill.

They say that depression is a serious risk with COPD, and that is perfectly understandable. However, I know that when my mum is sad her health suffers quite a lot so we work very hard on keeping her spirits up and try to make her laugh whenever we can - I would suggest that to you, as it might just make the difference in your husbands life. My mum always says that whatever time she has, she will have a smile on her face becuase, like the old cliche says \"Life's too short\". I know mum hasn't got too long left, and we don't shy away from that and I think that helps us all to deal with it in our own ways. It certainly makes things easier on her, and helps her have a giggle when the chips are down. It dosen't have to be doom and gloom.

I started this post in February when my mum was in hospital, and we thought she had her last meal in the family house. However, through talking about things in the post I have found a lot of comfort and have been able to mull things over by myself which has been a great help to me personally. Maybe it could help you? I hope in reading what we have put in the post you might find something that helps you in some way.

When your loved ones are admitted into hospital it is a horrible experience so I know you are going through hell at the moment. Keep your chin up, and try not to let it get you down becuase you are the one that can keep your husbands chin up, and he has to have a smile on his face for however long he has because \"life's too short!\". Sometimes a smile can make my mums day, I am sure thats the same for you husband too.

Congratulations on your wedding, I am sure it was fantastic just before Christmas.

I would make a suggestion to you and say that knowledge is a great resource, and that if you can you should learn about the disease. This has helped my dad manage my mums condition, so it might be a benefit to you.

I hope you and your husband are well Angie.

Robbie.

Hello Robbie

Thank you for your reply which was a great help. I am so glad to hear about your mum smiling and all the other positive things. I can imagine why your posts are a big help to you as reading your posts myself was a comfort, just knowing I am not alone. Somewhere to put things that at home I couldnt say out loud.

I am sorry your Mum has not long left and its wonderful that you and your Dad are keeping her spirits up, I hope that whenever that time comes for me I can be as strong and brave as you. It scares me silly the thought of losing my soulmate and I hope I find the courage to be brave and strong for him filling his days with my love and my smile.

Thanks too for the suggestion, I will do all I can to find out about the disease. I am only a couple of years younger than your Mum but I grew up in the Yorkshire countryside. I can imagine those P soupers made lots of people ill with their chests in London. Back then were all the chimneys belching out their smoke too and the steam trains, how things have changed. I suppose one thing to be thankful for is the advance in medicine these days.

thanks again Robbie and keep smiling for your Mum. Angie

Hi Angie, I am so sorry that your husband has COPD. I had TB 13 years ago and the amount of lung damage and scarring left me with COPD. I was in a wheelchair for quite a few months.

You are right it does cause depression, mainly I think because you cannot do the things you used to be able to do and the other reason is that it takes such effort to be able to do the things you can do. When you are feeling down you really do feel worse. When you can find some positivity then those days are not so bad. Your outlook does make a difference. Though it is not always easy to be positive.

This condition does not just effect the patient, it has a great effect on the family. I know it has mine.

I can understand how scared you must feel, but if you can be strong and let him see your love and keep cheerful for him. It will go a long way to helping him. Robbie is quite right and the more knowledge you have about this condition, the better you are able to help your husband.

Let us know how you get on Angie.

Tessa

Hi Tessa

Thank you for your reply and telling me about yourself. I do try to stay really positive for my lovely husband, as if I am cheerful and smiley its bound to have an effect on him. I have seen him cry so often of late and its hard not to cry too but this last week or so he has been a little better and now he has been 10 days without smoking, I myself packed in a few weeks ago, to try to encourage him to do the same. It was harder for him than it was for me, simply because he was sat at home bored.

I have just joined the COPD discussion thread hoping I will learn more about the condition too.

Thank you again for your reply... Angie

Hi Robbie

I hope things are well with you today. We have had nothing but rain here in Yorkshire for most of the summer. Now I hope you are not sending it over here from Belfast... :wink:

Angie

Hi Angie,

I am grand thanks. I hope you and your husband are too.

You should really really help your husband stop smoking. Its a major cause of COPD, and will not in the slightest. My mum smoked for a while after she was diagnosed and found that some doctors would treat her becuase of it. My mum used to be very active, and smoke, and one day walking home from work she got stuck on a hill and could hardly breathe. It was then she realised the damage it was doing.

You see, smoke being inhaled is alien to the lungs so they produce a lot of phlegm and guitar, and because a COPD sufferer has less elasticity in their lungs they struggle to clear all the bad stuff off their chest and it usually brings an infection because of that. That's something that can be really bad for a COPD sufferer. So, the less smoke, the clearer the lungs, and the more air the person can actually get into their blood.

My mum really regrets smoking after being diagnosed, and still feels bad about it 15 years later...

Robbie.

Hi Robbie

Glad to hear you are fine and dandy. We are not so bad today thanks. Ive had another hectic day at work. Bri went out to his sons for a while and it has made him really tired.

He has not smoked now for 11 days which is good..I am encouraging him its just he did not give up at the same time as me. He had lots of little relapses.

I have put my money in my ISA which I would usually spend on cigarettes.... great.. and Ive treated myself to some bits and pieces which I normally wouldnt have bought.

Hope your Mum has had a good day..

Angie

Hey there

Not so bad today thanks. I think mum is a bit puffed because she hasn't text me in a couple of days. It's been terrible weather here, which usually effects her in some way.

I once read somewhere that if you break a habit for 21 days, the body then starts letting go of the addiction - slowly, but surely.

Robbie.

Hi Robbie,

I'm sorry to hear that your Mum may not be feeling too good at the moment. Yes, this weather certainly affects our breathing.

Unfortunately I have an infection, but I think I got the antibiotics down just in time. So I have been taking it really easy. Got my 8year old Granddaughter home for the holidays and she wanted to play computer games today. So that's what I did.

Hi Angie,

How was your weekend. I do hope Brian is still off the cigarettes. That was a good idea to open an ISA. What goodies have you bought? Are you starting to feel better for not smoking now?

Tessa