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Started sertraline for panic/anxiety, now experiencing severe depression and notions of suicide

Posted , 12 users are following.

tom294
tom294

Title is pretty self-explanitory. But firstly, I'll make it clear that I would NEVER attempt suicide. I have a crippling fear of death and I'm too determined to get better!

Now since August 2014, I've been experiencing moderate to sever anxiety with panic attacks. I was prescribed propranolol to take in emergencies, which i only ever need once in a blue moon. I was getting CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and it was helping me with coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes. I was getting a lot better from Nov-Dec but then i guess the stresses of Xmas took their toll and I entered another sever anxiety phase, when for the past 2 months i was managing okay. 

this has kind of evolved into something more and i have been experiencing a level of depression as well. It's bad, like I feel in constant brain foggy status all day with no motivation to do anything and i feel like i'm not capable of feeling any positive feelings at all. So yesterday i went to the doctors and i was prescribed 50mg of sertraline, but i have to take half a tablet for the first week.

My doctor said i wouldn't experiencing many side effects, but i've been feeling heavy, dizzy, lethargic, nauseous, but i can deal with all that because i experienced it when i was adjusting to propranolol. But today (my first say taking half the sertraline) I feel like my depression is intense, like overwhelingly. I can't stop thinking about having suicidal thoughts, like i'm not suicidal, i'm just afraid of being suicidal because i'm really afraid of death. i'm starting to have random thoughts about not living anymore, and i'm starting to wonder if the suffering is worth it, but i don't want these thoughts in my head. I am so determined to heal. 

I've read places (but i really am trying to avoid google) that heightened depression/anxiety/ and thoughts of suicide is a common side effect, can i get any clarifaction on this from anyone's personal experiences or expertise?

i had a panic attack tonight because of it all and i feel awful 

1 like, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • tom294
    tom294

    Posted

    Day 4: last night I was feeling a little positive, which then turned into this unnatural euphoria and hyperactivity and I just couldn't settle down. When I got into bed i all of a sudden went very pale and had shivers and felt freezing in the head/chest. I then was experiencing intense nausea on top of it all. I was a really close to fainting a couple of times! I eventually fell asleep on my side with a bucket next to my bed, but i didn't end up vomiting

    Today I feel very anxious, my stomach aches and i think I'm experiencing muscle stiffness in my wrists/hands. I can't seem to move them that much. it's freaking me out because I keep thinking of nerve-damage/als/ms but this is my health anxiety acting up. 

    I have a doctor's appointment in 2 days for a routine std test and I plan to tell him my experience with sertraline so far. I just feel like i can't physically leave the house. My doctor is a 30 min bus trip away, i don't know how I'm going to be able to make it there without passing out on the bus or vomiting or something. I really hope these effects will stop soon... I feel like my body is just shutting down. 

  • verity19452
    verity19452 tom294

    Posted

    Hi tom, I'm new to this site, have been reading your stories from 3 months ago.. And just wondered how you are getting on.. I was prescribed 50mg a week ago but been too scared to take them.. I've always been a worrier, especially about health, had a few panic attacks but recently I feel like I'm light headed all the time, feel nervous around people.. Had to deal with someone having a seizure at work and it frightened the life out of me, since then my anxiety has heightened, I feel particularly nervous, but also wondering whether I can try and shrug this feeling off and not need to take any meds. I'm scared of the side effects, thoughts etc and definitely don't want to be on these for longer than 6 months of I decide to take them, but the stories to come off them is also worrying.. I am generally a string person and feel I can beat this without meds but I know that I will always have my usual worries like what ifs etc as I have always been like this.. Sorry for the long message!!
    • Digsby
      Digsby verity19452

      Posted

      Hi Verity,

      I would also be interested to hear how Tom is getting on - I can't believe it has been 3 months since he posted (about the time when I first joined the forum). I do hope that you can beat your anxiety without medication - it sounds as if you haven't needed to take any medication like this in the past. However, it's not a sign of weakness to take medication for a mental condition which is beyond our control. The forum is full of people who consider themselves to be strong people, normally. It's just that what is happening to us at the moment isn't "normal" so we are not able to cope in our usual way.

      I do understand your concerns about the side effects, etc. but you will have to weigh up for yourself the potential benefits of the drugs, and what you are going through at the moment. Have you exhausted all other resources at reducing your anxiety? Counselling, relaxation techniques, support groups - these are all things that may help you more than drugs, or in combination with them. Above all, you need people around you who will support you - without judgement or criticism - through what you feeling at the moment. You will always find support and good advice here. Good luck with whatever you decide. Let us know how you get on. Big hug :-)

      Digsby x

  • tom294
    tom294

    Posted

    Hey guys, 

    I don't know if anyone is following this discussion or still goes on this website but I thought I'd give you an update 7 months later! I haven't been on this website since that time. 

    So I was only on that medication a week and because of my crazy reaction my GP told me to stop taking it so I did. The couple of months that followed were hell. I had really severe depression and dissociation/derealisation, which I think was because of psychological trauma from the meds. I really thought I was going to die and that I was going insane. 

    Anyway I started new therapy in February called ACT (acceptence commitment therapy) and through going to the sessions every 3 weeks and doing the exercises I was given, I've managed to become less and less intervined in my thoughts/my anxiety and I'm feeling so much better. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm my old self but I definitely feel at least 60/70% recovered. I'm studying, I go out and party with friends, I have aspirations and plans, I exercise and I just feel like a human being. Honestly a feeling I'll never take for granted again!

    I do have bad days with it all every now and then but when anxiety/depression come up it's usually something situational. For example I recently quit my part time job because my manager made me feel like crap and he did not take it well, so my anxiety was pretty bad for a couple of days. Overall I think I have more improving to do but I'm definitely doing better than I was - I'd say I went from severe anxiety/depression to moderate-mild anxiety and mild depression. I've worked so hard to become better and I'm really looking forward to how I'll be in a year's time or sooner!

    i hope this update reassures some people. I really think that anxiety can be overcame and can even go away! I think I probably will avoid the medicinal route though, just because my mind/body can not take it hahaha

     

    • Digsby
      Digsby tom294

      Posted

      Great to hear Tom - thanks for taking the time to update us and share your progress. I joined the site about Christmas time last year so your's must have been one of the first posts I read. You are a very intelligent & conscientious young man with a really sensible attitude - self-awareness is lacking in so many of us but when we start to listen to our bodies and find out what makes us tick, we can start to really help ourselves. You are doing all the right stuff and are heading in the right direction. You have come to realise that there will be the odd bad day but these shouldn't set you back at all. They are challenges and not obstacles. Well done and I wish you every happiness on your exciting journey. I hope you have dreams which motivate you and I hope they come to fulfillment in the near future. Let us know how you are again in another few months as there are always old friends on here who would love to know what it is possible to achieve. Take care of yourself :-)

      Digsby

  • kara20808
    kara20808 tom294

    Posted

    Not sure how long ago this was posted but I have just started sertraline myself last week and have been experiencing the extreme fear of death all week. I have also have had trouble sleeping so I was researching about it and came across this post and I am so glad I am not the only one who has been going through this. My anxiety has been pretty bad the last few months and finally started medication to try and get better. My fear of death has never been this bad and it has been a constant thought in my head everyday which I am hoping does not last but reading SOME of the comments on the positive side and this post i know i am not alone and have more hope for getting better. This week has been the worst by far and I have had a rough start but its my first time on medication and hoping for the best. thank you for being open about your experience.

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