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Hi. I've just been to me GP today and he has prescribed me 20mg per day of Fluoxetine. I've just read all the postings previous to this one and have mixed and very nervous thoughts about starting them. He wants to see me next week and see how I'm getting on and in the meanwhile, he's referring me for counselling sessions.
I'm 30 and a mum of 1. I have a wonderful supportive partner who tells me how 'gorgeous' I am daily and how much he loves me. I have a loving family too and some great friends. My trouble is my temper. I'm not violent, I'm just verbally aggressive and cannot show a soft side to my partner.
I'm not like this all the time though which is odd. I react better to friends and strangers, I can be all chirpy and have a laugh and be full of fun to those folk. It's the way I am with the folk who love me most, those I can relax infront of. I'm okay one moment then for no reason, I can go into a foul mood and feel that everyone is against me. I don't know how many times I've 'told' my partner to leave and when he gets upset, I just blank him out and ignore him. he is wonderful and I can't bring myself to just hold him, hug him or kiss him.
I cannot be affectionate with anyone except my son, he gets kisses and cuddles from me yet I do snap at him more often than I should.
I cannot stop thoughts like 'If I drive into a wall really fast' or 'if I fall asleep in the bath', but the only thing that snaps me out of these stupid thoughts, is my son - he needs his mummy and I need him. It's sad to say but not even my mum or partner or sister are a reason for me to go on.
I have a great job, not bad paid, a lot of respect too and no-one, not even my friends have a clue how I feel. I guess I mask it very well. I'm just scared that these pills may make me worse, I feel sick thinking about them.
If you knew me, you'd think I was 'normal', ie, friendly, outgoing, happy, which is one side of me. It's this horrible side where I'm moody, depressed and snappy that is pushing loved ones away and making me loathe myself.
Oh well, sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, probably being melodramatic. Glad I got this off my chest though, just worried about starting these things. I just want to be happy, friendly, outgoing, a good mum/partner/sister/daughter. :? I hope these pills work :?: Like the song said, 'I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired'.
Thanks for taking the time to read about me. I need to put my 'happy face' on and get back on with my work. I've become very good at hiding things. :lol: [/quote]
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