Struggling to come to terms with genital herpes :(

Hi everyone...it's been a whole since I posted. Never got a definitive diagnosis but just had another outbreak. This time my fiancée had another talk about it- in which I told him I was almost positive that's what it was. He reacted fairly well. Some minor jokes- that is his nature but I still feel disgusted. I don't feel remotely sexy. I don't know how to get past this.

Hi everyone,

I pretty certain I have genital herpes, but am going to a GUM clinic on tuesday to confirm.

Absolutely feel disgusting and dirty. I'm only 18, and always had protected sex. I have sores/blisters which are really painful, it stings when I wee, and I even find it hard to walk or sit, its just so painful. I didn't realise I could catch anything as long as I had safe sex. The guy I have just started dating is 10 years older, and after the first time I slept with him, about 5 days later, I had an outbreak, at first I just thought it was some infected hair follicles, and so have been with him again since. But now im 99 % sure its genital herpes. I don't know what to say to him! One i'm embarrassed, and two - if I have caught it off him ( which im sure I have as my last partner was months ago!), what do I tell him. We're only casually seeing each other, as he's moving away in a few months, and I don't feel comfortable enough to discuss it with him. I'm 18 and he's 29, I don't feel like i'm comfortable telling him he may have given it to me and he needs to get tested.

I've never been in this situation before!

I just don't know what to do!

I want to see this guy again, once I clear myself up, but he needs to know, as what if he hasnt got it ?

Plus i'm just so upset now, I feel like no-one will ever want to come near me again if they know. I feel dirty, and if I ever touch down there like when having a wee, i'm then scared to touch my face or anywhere in-case I get it somewhere else. I don't know what to do

@charlotte - it'll be ok. It definately sounds like herpes but I would wait for the definitive diagnosis before you freak out. I just went to the doctor and he said it definately is.

Jackie- I know but its just horrible to think that I have it for life now if it is herpes (which im sure it is), and with being so young, how it will affect my sex life I have always had protected sex so its just a shock that ive caught it. I was just nieve and thought that because I was safe and not someone who slept around much that I would never catch anything. . And now I have scrubbing my hands all the time as so worried it will spread to face

So it's been awhile since I posted on this thread but wondering if anyone has some advice.

Diagnosed with herpes a year ago, went on valtrex which eased that awful first outbreak. Contracted it from my partner of 2 1/2 years and the most likely thing is one of us had the virus in our system from earlier in our lives, coldsores being the most likely, and chances are he was shedding without the symptons and genital herpes became part of my life. He has been the most supportive person possible and everytime I'm down he reminds me it's just a coldsore and that it doesn't change a thing for him.

However since the first outbreak I've had one noticeable outbreak the following July and another at the start of Nov, both lasted 2-3 days, not that severe and was managing pretty well. But in December I had 3 outbreaks, about 3 weeks apart. The first one I put down to exam stress and then I had flu/bad cold for a bit which I thought might be responsible for the 2nd two. However another one hit in Jan at which point I went to my Dr, she gave me valtrex again and advised me to see if I got anymore. If I did I was to wait until the 2nd outbreak and see if the anti-viral helped. I followedher advice and no problems for 4 weeks. Sadly got a bad cold/flu again and that seemed to trigger a small outbreak, usual 2 day thing with one or two tiny sores but a few days after it cleared I got another outbreak, more severe but still lasted the average 2/3 days.

By now I have had enough and decided to try Lysine supplements and it seemed to be fine. Until now. Seemed to have the usual itch and tingle that comes before an outbreak and took an extra tablet of Lysine and I had seemed to stop the virus in it's tracks. It's only a 5-7 days later that I seem to be having another outbreak or at least a continuation of the last: red tender itchy skin, possibly some tiny bumps.

Strange thing is is that I never get outbreaks covering as much area as the current redness is. Hoping it'll pass quickly and Lysine will help.

But any advice from any fellow sufferers? I don't think stress is the problem and I've been told that things are supposed to calm down after the first year. My outbreaks have never been that severe and I don't really want to go on suppression therapy. The frequency is driving me insane and really want things to calm down and let me carry on with life, albeit the occasional outbreak. Emphasis on occasional.

I am having the exact same problem. Except I am already on suppressive therapy for oral outbreaks. Starting to take lysiene but not making much of a difference. My doctor told me to go see an infectious disease doctor for my recurrences.

I don't know but Ive been having a yoghurt a day with a Probiotic culture containing Bifidobacterium lactis DR10™, I read up in a book 'food for health' and it suggested that yogurt with certain cultures are good In boosting the immune system and hence keeping away sores. So I found symbio yogurt and have one a day and it's seemed to keep them away without using suppressive drugs.

Just found out today that I have genital herpes... I am floored... I contracted it when hubby had a cold sore, and we had oral sex. I know that both hubby and I are each other's firsts and only partners. It is sore and nothing like any pain I've ever experienced. I told hubby, I'll rather give birth to both my boys all over again than have this horrible pain and burning. I feel so depressed, and hubby suggested I start drinking my anti-depressants again, after 2 years of not having to. We have moved to Canada from South Africa, and the stress is really getting to me. Can I drink my anti-depressants with the anti-viral meds?

Thanks for all the wonderful posts! It makes me feel "not-so-dirty" as I did this morning...

Hey,

I am living with genital herpes for more than 3 years now. I want to share my feelings here. I am generally not angry person but after I heard the news I totally transformed into a full time bitch and became furious & blamed everyone for my mistakes. I was helpless I just wanted to vent my feelings out. But my family stuck with me and they helped me get through those tough times. Slowly after a year I became normal again and started new life and found my love of life Mitch. I was skeptical at first but he is so sweet and understanding. I was surprised to know that he had genital herpes from 5 years and he was leading a happy life. After my family Mitch helped me a lot to control my feelings and be normal.

I am telling you this because I believe that there is someone out there for you who could help you with what you are feeling about your sufferings. Oh and almost forgot I met Mitch at this beautiful site hromance. I am not advertising this site just telling how happy I am to share it.

Cheers

Emily

I was told today that I do have Hsv2 with early signs of being exposed to it. I got it from my ex boyfriend, a guy that was up to absolutely no good, and that had been around a few different girls with a not so much of a good background. Despite it all I chose to overlook his past and date him regardless, (in hopes he would turn his life around) but to my surprise HE turned my life around. I can't say I don't have any feelings of resentment towards him because I do, I wish he could've told me before we were intimate because I'm almost 100% sure he knew he was a carrier. I felt so cheated. Me, a responsible young woman with a good job, and good intentions of helping this guy make better choices is gonna become infected with a non curable virus? Bad things happen to good people. And the world is full of lying deceiving people which is what we all need to watch out for. Thankfully I have only had one small outbreak, that was actually very hard for my doctor to even spot, and it didn't come with much discomfort. With what I have read up on this virus, that first outbreak should be that worst of the worst, and that makes me feel good, because the worst wasn't at all that bad. I guess it all comes down to a psychological struggle of feeling like "damaged goods" but truly we are not. I can't not even begin to imagine how many good hearted successful people like myself are carrying the virus as well? It doesn't make us bad people, it doesn't make us dirty, it doesn't make us anything but OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. Quite frankly this has helped me look at life and dating a lot more differently, in a good way, because now I will stop and consider all aspect of a man, what he does, his values, his personality, his vision of the future and the love he has for me, before letting them know of my situation and becoming intimate with them. I'm told almost daily about how attractive I am. (Not trying to brag here) but with my looks, I catch tons of attention from men, and sometimes even from women, and it makes me realize that herpes doesn't have a face, anyone out there can have it, and if you would see me you would never guess "oh this girl has herpes". So with that said, just because a person doesn't mention it doesn't mean they don't have it. Condoms are essential but with herpes they don't always help. So this whole perspective of herpes is dumb, people have cold sores and they don't much crap for it, and hsv2 is the exact same thing, cheer up y'all, were still alive and have the opportunity to change it around, fix our mistakes, and keep going, for our family, friends and people who are yet to meet us.

Thanks for the response jackie, I'm hoping that after more than a few weeks on lysine my immune system will kick in and suppress this thing for longer periods of time. Thanks as well nelly, will certainly look into that, willing to try almost anything to not have to worry about such frequent outbreaks and want to avoid suppressive therapy if I can.

Reading all these posts makes me feel a lot better, but still i feel so alone. I was diagnosed with HSV1 on monday, i couldn't believe it i started crying my a** off. not knowing anything about the virus at all i immediately thought i was going to die, I'm filthy I'm disgusting and all of the above. Ive known my boyfriend for years now but were going to complete 1 year in june. i love him so much the first thing i did was call him. he understood and didn't view me as disgusting or anything. sense I've been feeling discomfort in my vagina before i told him we thought. "oh its just razor bumps" i tell him everything. turns out it wasn't it was HSV1. Look, I'm 17 years old.... I've only had 2 sex partners ever and 1 of them is my boyfriend now. sense the 1st guy wasn't recent i knew i must have contracted it from my boyfriend now. sense HSV1 Is oral herpes that means i got it on my vagina because he was "eating me out"

it just doesn't make sense at all, he has no symptoms all but one, his gums were hurting but we didn't think anything of it. i kissed him while his gums hurt but i have no sores on my mouth, but my vagina. I'm so scared, i have my whole life ahead of me. I'm so young i feel disgusting. he reassures me all the time that he still loves me and that he might also have it to. honestly and selfishly that makes me feel better if he would have it because then I'm not worried about giving the virus to him. that we both equally have it and we'll be set. but still, how in the hell do i tell my mother. she's going to think I'm dying or something. i honestly rather be pregnant then have HSV1. the most depressing thing about this whole situation is that I HAVE IT FOR LIFE. I can't stop crying. i just pray to god to keep me safe and heal me with his love. reading all these posts makes me realize that HSV1 is not all that bad after all. Im trying to keep a positive mind set about this but its hard, its not going to be easy. i hate the fact that i won't be the "normal me" again. i have to be cautious with EVERY single thing i do. i know i have it on my vagina but that doesn't matter. i might as well have it everywhere because thats how i feel. i wash my hands every hour like a freak. because thats what i feel like. I'm very happy that my boyfriend is being so supportive and not judging me. he got tested on monday were waiting back for his results but this is were things gets complicated for me. if his test comes back negative, should i stay with him? i don't want to risk him getting infected but i love him so much, i know what ya'll are going to say that I'm only 17 and i don't know what true love is. but trust me this is real and were invested. he doesn't find me disgusting or anything but what do i do if his comes back negative. i can't imagine going up to my next partner and telling him " hey before we have sex or the relationship gets any deeper i have HSV1" if god forbid me and my current boyfriend break up. I'm going to end up alone. Its just not fair at all it really is not. Senior in high school, about to graduate and go on to college. i have a stable job and i never slept around. i just feel so angry at the fact that i got infected but these girls i know that sleep around don't have it. Its really not fair AT ALL. but i just have to face it. I hope i helped a teen out there going crazy googling about herpes. Trust me when i say this your not going to die. just look for god he loves you!!!!! HE LOVES US ALLLL!!!!

I know this is a long entry, but it provides some perspective and down the bottom I've got an awesome site that anyone with HSV should visit.

I posted on here when I first found out I'd contracted HSV2 almost 8 months ago. I'm posting again now because I can't believe how much my perspective has changed. And really, everything is all about perspective. I suffered from depression for the last 5 years of my life. I attempted suicide multiple times. I self harmed and I broke down every night. This was partially due to an assault that I'd experienced as a young teenager. It had left me feeling worthless, and like I was worth nothing more than what my body was valued at. I didn't think I could ever be anything more than a play thing for men. Then August last year, I was diagnosed with the HSV2. I cried and cried and cried. All of sudden, everything I'd pinned my self worth on; my desirability to men, was gone. The speck of self worth I'd been holding onto, as shallow as it was, was still something to hold onto, and HSV had thrown it to hell. I spiralled out of control and eventually one night in October I got drunk and I threw myself in front of a tram. My friend saw me do it and pulled me out of the way just in time. I was hysterical, sobbing, and I was put to bed by my friend.

But the next morning, I woke up clear headed. I just remember thinking that my choice was either to accept I was nothing, and die, or find something about me that was worth saving. And clear headed and sober, I didn't want to die. So I look a leave of absence from the course I was doing at the time that had been making me feel like crap. I disconnected from the people around me who dominated me and made me feel inadequate. I threw myself into my art and into meeting new people. I forced myself to smile and act like the bubbly person I remembered I'd once been some long time ago. And after a couple of months I found I wasn't forcing myself anymore. I started dating an amazing guy, who at first was bothered by the HSV, but quickly decided I was worth the risk. I realised that I was intelligent and that I could be funny when I gave myself the chance. I went on antivirals. I was told by a doctor I trusted back in my home town to take one every day to keep the virus away and to protect my partner. I then went to a doctor in Melbourne where I now live and was shocked when he started yelling and threw me out of his office, accusing me of either sharing or overdosing on my medication. He wouldn't treat me. I was horrified and went to several other medical professionals including my hometown doctor, who all asked for the name of the clinic and doctor who had treated me that way and assured me that the way I was handling my medication was safe and advisable, particularly if I wanted to protect my partner.

Now, I'm doing a new course that I love, I have friends that care for me and that love me just for me. The guy that I was dating, he and I broke up recently, but it wasn't anything to do with the HSV and we're still strong friends. I wake up in the morning happy, and I take my antiviral just as routine, and HSV doesn't even cross my mind. I fall to sleep content, and I'm horrified that the thought of suicide ever crossed my mind. When I look back, I see a really sick girl who was in a downwards spiral that wasn't going to be stopped until she really hit rock bottom.

Contracting HSV saved my life. I believe that with all my heart. It forced me to find other things about myself that were worthwhile. And I did. When I contracted it I was worried that no one would ever be able to want to be with me. But I've proved that wrong, and all I know now is that when I find someone, they're going to want to be with me for me, and the HSV isn't going to mean a thing to them.

This isn't a story I'm proud of. I don't like admitting that I was once weak. But I'm telling it because while it might not be relevant to everyone on this site, I think it will be relevant to some. Perspective is everything. HSV made me a better person. And while I'm probably not going to shake the hand of the guy that gave it to me, I'm not angry at him either.

Finally, the site below was so helpful to me. It doesn't sugar coat the issue, but it doesn't throw hate and disgust at you like so many google searches will do. (My god, I know you've already googled it, that was the first thing you did after diagnosis, right? But avoid doing that like the plague! So much of that is either negative and hateful or sugarcoated and misleading.)

http://herpeslife.com/doctor-answers-questions-about-genital-herpes-hsv-and-hpv/#

If you've got any questions or just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. Stay positive, I know it feels like it now, but this isn't the end of the world.