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Woke several times during the night dreaming yet again. I've had thoughts and visions for the past few days of driving into water, sat in my car by the side of the canal yesterday imagining it, I even looked up on the internet how do you get out of a sinking vehicle, you don't have long. Been out for a drive today to try and clear my head but ended up by the sea which is really rough today, it looked so inviting just to jump in the big waves and get bashed around in the water. I feel quite numb, vacant again as if I'm not all here. I just want to self destruct, but don't know how or why. Taken 5mg diazepam to try and chill out and relax but my mind won't stop these thoughts.
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