Suicidal After Breakup

Posted , 9 users are following.

Hi everyone,

I'm 20 years old and my girlfriend told me on Monday evening that she wanted some time apart. She told me on Friday after I'd been drinking that she didn't want to be with me anymore. Despite her telling me otherwise, I know that it's completely my fault; I brought our relationship to its knees because of my problems. I'd been binge drinking recently - that and other issues has caused her to end the relationship.

I'm not normal. I haven't been normal since September and I'm not the guy she fell in love with. I'm down about multiple things but this has topped it off. I'm taking 50mg Sertraline every day and I outright refuse to increase the dosage. I've tried CBT and find it totally impersonal, distant and disengaging.

She didn't want to leave me because she was scared I'd commit suicide. I told her it was fine. I really feel ready to end my life now. I've told her I'll change but I'll never be enough for her. She'll be happier with someone else and I'll be a distant, unpleasant memory.

My family have told me to get up and do positive things and I have no idea where to start. They've told me to exercise but because of my heart-related health anxiety that terrifies me and I don't find it satisfying. I write, but I haven't done anything for a while because I can't think of anything to write about. I can't deal with this pain anymore. I want to be normal like others my age; be able to party, have fun, be happy; unhindered and carefree.

I understand the above is impossible and I just want someone to understand how I feel without lecturing me with the same 'life goes on' BS that I find both discouraging and agonising.

Needed to vent; I apologise for the morbid tone.

Thanks for reading,

H

1 like, 17 replies

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  • Posted

    Haz, sorry to hear that. I suggest you seek some support help.
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  • Posted

    I, my husband, and both my kids went through a spell of depression and anxiety around your age. All I can say is it seems to be something most young people go through (girls usually go through it around 14-17, boys later). Some are just better at disgusing it, but a LOT of young people go through it. I suspect it's hormonal, and once the hormonal changes finally level off, it's not so bad. Try to just live for the day and not overthink things or ruminate. Find mindless distractions that take your mind off thinking about how you feel, like a hobby, video games, or whatever you enjoy. I know that's really hard to do, but that phase does seem to pass for most people. 
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    • Posted

      Hi Mary,

      I'm feeling a little better now though the breakup was made official in the last hour. Thanks for the words of encouragement. How're you keeping at the minute?

      All the best,

      H

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    • Posted

      Glad to hear it, haz! 

      I went through so many breakups when I was young, I can't even count them on one hand. I even fell for a couple of guys who later told me they were married. The first three weeks after a breakup are the hardest, then it gets better. 

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  • Posted

    Haz,

    thank you for sharing how you feel I know that even posting on a forum can be quite a challenge but I hope it has also been some form of release. I understand that right now you feel pain and because of your condition you are blaming yourself for the problems with your girlfriend. The truth here my friend is that you need help now is not a time for a stiff upper lip and a get a grip, you would do well to go and see your GP and if you have trouble saying what you feel consider showing hem the above post. I have been in the dark place you find yourself now and neither drink, drugs or suicide are the answer but help is there and if you are honest with them they can help. You mention you feel at a point where ending your life is a possibility, I hope that you can stay strong enough to get help. As a mental health sufferer I to want to live a normal life, what helps is me is that every day I acknowledge that I have a medical condition and that is why I feel the way I do, I am not odd, differential, mental or thick, I am an ill person getting better. Please keep in touch and let me know how you get on

    namaste 

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    • Posted

      Hi David,

      Thanks for your words of encouragement. I want to be able to find the strength to recover from this and am going to do everything in my power to make it happen. How are you keeping?

      All the best,

      H

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    • Posted

      I'm taking every day as it comes Haz, some times I'm up others not so good. I'm glad you have found the strength and are showing a positive attitude, I think staying positive is just as important as any medication. As you can see from all these other posts there are so many wonderful people on here who are full of love and support. Stay strong my friend, if you need us we are here for you.
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  • Posted

    You should write down all your feelings now. You are going through a very painful period which most of us have experienced during our lifetime, and it won't be the last. You say you can write, so do it. Try to find some positive things about not being with that particular girl. Write it all down. You have my sympathy: I've been there.
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    • Posted

      Hi Anne,

      Thanks so much for the advice. Feeling a little better, though I know there'll be ups and downs. I've tried thinking of positives about the breakup but they're few at the minute. I'm sure there'll be more as time goes on. How are you at the minute?

      All the best,

      H

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    • Posted

      The first positive thing to write is that that particular girl will never hurt you again. She cannot dump you twice.

      I see you have set the cat among the pigeons with your message - good for you, and good for us.

      I'm fighting anxiety, so have good days and bad. Sunshine helps me !

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  • Posted

    hi Haz. my heart goes out to u in this very painful dilemma. u sound at rock bottom & heart broken. it's difficult to know what to say to lift ur spirits. however, just remember most of us will have been in this heart breaking kind of situations at some point in our lives or other - usually when we're young like u, and not so well equipped/experienced to deal with multiple knocks all at once. and we survived, learned how to navigate such painful situations and arrived on higher ground.

    being 'imperfect' is part of life and the human condition. none of us arrive 'perfect'. in fact there's no such thing as perfect. think of how boring it would be if there was. accepting that & accepting yourself as u are is a good starting point. ur doing ur best and when u get through this (which seems to be ur lowest point) things can only get better. the darkest hour is before the dawn so to speak.

    can u get someone to talk to, whose non judgemental & a good listner. just having someone witness & validate our pain can be very healing. being truly listened to can kick start that healing process. there's always the smaratians. they're usually very compassionate & understanding. they may be able to put things in perspective for u and with u. give them a ring. meantime try to stop beating urself up. maybe this is an opportunity in disguise to help u get the proper help u need, to kick start ur writing again & to turn ur circumstances around.

    positive/healing thoughts going ur way.

    Caitlin

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  • Posted

    Hi im 21 years old and ive been where you are before, but never thought suicide as an option because i truly believe pain (mentally physically and emotionally) is your body's way of releasing weakness from oneself. Some others might not but we all have diff views and beliefs. Anyways ive had to many bad patches in my life. My younger years were spent drunk and high. Rarely was i sober. Ive had break ups that were 100% devastating. Ive cried for months, drank vodka every night ect. But i can honestly tell you it will get better. Theres always a light to the darkness or so to speak. From experience drinking will not solve your problems. It might numb you for the time being but the pain and issues will still be there like they were before you put the alcohol to your lips. Take some time for yourself. Do things you wanna do. Like writing. I myself love to write. You said you dont have anything to write about but write about yourself and your experiences. Even the pain you feel now. It may or may not help but i think you should give it a try. Then when you have yourself in a good place, and everything straightened out give her a call and see if yous could work it out. A break might feel like the end of the world but its not always a bad thing. If you need to talk you can always message me. Good luck with everything!
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    • Posted

      Hi Shannon,

      Your perception of pain is really interesting and I find that so comforting. Tell me, do you drink in moderation now? I'm feeling more optimistic now, I think it was just a really intense moment while I was writing that. I want to be in a good place again and I know things will get better. How are you doing at the minute?

      All the best,

      H

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    • Posted

      Thank you, im glad it helped. And lol i try but i only drink 1/2 a week to now. I do drink to get drunk but i have no shame because theres nothing wrong with that. And yeah i get like that alot myself but its deff great to vent and everything. Im doing good, not too many complaints here.
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