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Suicidal After Breakup

Posted , 9 users are following.

haz2476
haz2476

Hi everyone,

I'm 20 years old and my girlfriend told me on Monday evening that she wanted some time apart. She told me on Friday after I'd been drinking that she didn't want to be with me anymore. Despite her telling me otherwise, I know that it's completely my fault; I brought our relationship to its knees because of my problems. I'd been binge drinking recently - that and other issues has caused her to end the relationship.

I'm not normal. I haven't been normal since September and I'm not the guy she fell in love with. I'm down about multiple things but this has topped it off. I'm taking 50mg Sertraline every day and I outright refuse to increase the dosage. I've tried CBT and find it totally impersonal, distant and disengaging.

She didn't want to leave me because she was scared I'd commit suicide. I told her it was fine. I really feel ready to end my life now. I've told her I'll change but I'll never be enough for her. She'll be happier with someone else and I'll be a distant, unpleasant memory.

My family have told me to get up and do positive things and I have no idea where to start. They've told me to exercise but because of my heart-related health anxiety that terrifies me and I don't find it satisfying. I write, but I haven't done anything for a while because I can't think of anything to write about. I can't deal with this pain anymore. I want to be normal like others my age; be able to party, have fun, be happy; unhindered and carefree.

I understand the above is impossible and I just want someone to understand how I feel without lecturing me with the same 'life goes on' BS that I find both discouraging and agonising.

Needed to vent; I apologise for the morbid tone.

Thanks for reading,

H

1 like, 17 replies

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  • chick30548
    chick30548 haz2476

    Posted

    Hey Haz, Not sure if u will read this or not but i understand. I understand the not wasnting the same old BS everyone gives. It is as annoying as all get out! I recently went through a situation... About like eh ill say 2ish months ago. My bf was in virginia and we broke up then i got with another guy and we were togeather for a lil while ( it was the longest relationship he ever had) my bf i broke up with and i had been togeather for 2 years. When we broke up i felt my world was ended. I felt lonely and dark and cold and like i had no purpose. Well he changed. He came back home (Michigan) and we started talking... He was a pretty big ass hole to me for a while and made me cry because we were friends for like 3 yrs b4 we started daiting. Well he had told me what we had would never be the same again and he did not care if we never talked again! After about a few weeks of me once in a while txting him he called me one time and was actually being nice... it wasnt total change in after one call but this time i really decided "hell maby i wont cry after this call" I was totally wrong!!! Only about not crying. He was telling me how much of an ass he was. He kept saying he wanted to prove he changed his ways and could not live without me! So that put a damper on the relationship i was currently in. I know this is already a book but i could easily triple the size but i wont put you through it.... Within i think it was 5 months i attempted the thought/actions of suicide because i thought it was easy way out. Well my ex and i ended up back togeather. We are still togeather and it has been 2 months and 11 days. I am happier then i have ever been with anyone. He tells me every day how precious i am to him and he woud have no purpose without me! I am not trying to make this about oh it got better for me but screw you i just wanna share my story..... That is not the case. I am trying to show that now matter how much it may seem like your life is a black depressing hole..... It can and WILL get better. Sorry if it still seemes like BS to you i was just sharing my input. I hope u take time to understand what i am trying to say and i didnt make u read some stupid pile of sh*t. cool STAY COOL AND TRUE TO YOURSELF!!!!!!
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