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suicidal and terrified

Posted , 7 users are following.

fee25
fee25

I feel sick to my stomach. 

I haven't felt actively suicidal for quite a while now but I felt it creeping and then the other night I acted like a total idiot and now I want more than anything to end my life, tonight. 

I've never liked the idea of overdosing because it's too hit and miss but I have an awful lot of pills and I feel very close to taking them. 

The reason I'm posting is because I know this is a bad idea, I know I shouldn't do it! I'm scared, I want to make sure I don't do something stupid but I don't know what to do!

2 likes, 33 replies

33 Replies

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  • lattifa7777
    lattifa7777 fee25

    Posted

    Fee, plz plz don't do this, why make a permanent solution to a temporary problem, you can and will get through this.i know its ever so hard to cope. I felt suicidal too, I cried and cried and wanted to just die. But 5 weeks on, and I'm loving life again, so imagine if I did it? I have kids and a husband. I understand how you feel. Plz go for a long long walk tier your self out with walking, talk to god, keep telling your self everything will be ok. I promise you will be fine sweet heart. Are you on any meds?

    love and hugs x

  • michael98615
    michael98615 fee25

    Posted

    hi Fee, i always feel suicidle, i'm on meds that help me cope with this, ur certainly not alone, an like urself it comes n go's,

    overdose not for me, other ideas come n pass, although i mention these to my doctor,

    sumtimes the urge is too strong, so i daill 999 request an ambulance, an then speak to psycologist,

    hope this helps,

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee

    firstly sit yourself down and breath nice and slowly. .imagine your are inflating a balloon in your tummy with every breath you breath in. Try and rationalise in your head what is making you feel suicidal and what positive steps you can now make to remove those thoughts and feelings. I am very glad you posted here and i totally agree harming yourself in any way is a bad and irreversible idea.

    Do you know why you are feeling extra low today?

    Are you taking any medications correctly?

    Please let me know whats going on for you today so we can try and help you here xxxx

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee

    firstly sit yourself down and breath nice and slowly. .imagine your are inflating a balloon in your tummy with every breath you breath in. Try and rationalise in your head what is making you feel suicidal and what positive steps you can now make to remove those thoughts and feelings. I am very glad you posted here and i totally agree harming yourself in any way is a bad and irreversible idea.

    Do you know why you are feeling extra low today?

    Are you taking any medications correctly?

    Please let me know whats going on for you today so we can try and help you here xxxx

  • fee25
    fee25

    Posted

    Thank you for your responses, I really appreciate it. 

    I am on meds, Propanolol and Sertraline. My pharmacist gave me months and months worth of meds and with what I already have I just thought, maybe I could end it all now before it gets worse. 

    I have been having a bad time lately but it's been sort of steady, there was nothing rocking the boat but now everything is falling apart - I just can't seem to do anything right. I'm always making the worst possible decisions. 

    I don't want to end my life, I really don't. I feel like a scared little child trapped inside my own body!! I just feel like I need to. 

    It's hard battling with these thoughts rolleyes I don't know what to do

    • lattifa7777
      lattifa7777 fee25

      Posted

      Fee please let us know that you're ok,, we are all here for you. Xx
  • maria_1963
    maria_1963 fee25

    Posted

    Have you a local CRISIS Home Treatment number that you have been given - you can ring though i know personally that is hard to do if you are not able to speak easily on a phone ( i cannot so it takes me hours to get the courage to phone them ) , is your local A&E nearby as that is also an option in getting help straight away - ask to speak to whoever is on duty , see your Doctor ASAP and explain how you are feeling , that you are not coping - maybe a change in dosage of medication you are on , i know from personal experience that taking a large amount of tablets doesn't always work depending on what the tablets are - they are more then likely make you sick or do lasting damage to your organs . You could if you are able to text Samaritans - they usually get back quite quickly - 07725909090 ( i have them in my mobile "phone book" , i would suggest going for a walk listening to a MP3 player ( they are great to ease anxities ) but night time may not be an option . We all have what i call Meltdown's - it is part of depression ( i had one last Monday where for a while i could not stop crying , wanted out - i told a friend on facebook but i felt too embarassed to tell the gentleman from my local cmht who is my Care Coordinator on his visit to my home ) , remember that many of us understand how you are feeling , are you able to get a friend , family member to come round and sit with you for a while , maybe go to a cinema or watch a dvd at home - a good comedy . please take care , sorry i cannot be more helpful - the one thing that is preventing me from doing something major is that Christmas is nearly here and i have to be okay for that , after i am not bothered hence why my CC is seeing about getting me in to a Recovery House that is run by Rethink Mental illness and funded by my local NHS - he is aware that i shall be at danger point and would prefer me to go to the House rather then a ward which he says i will not like as it will be chaos , thinking of you xx
    • fee25
      fee25 maria_1963

      Posted

      Aw Maria thank you for your post <3

      i think maybe i do need to up my dose again but, i always feel so awkward bringing these things up! and yes i am very similar to you when it comes to phonecalls, they send my anxiety through the roof!! 

      i would never usually decide to overdose as like you said, it usually damages you internally but doesn't finish the job. it's just the fact that it is the most accessible method at the moment i suppose! 

      everyone i know is away or busy, but i'm not very good at confiding in people in my every day life. 

      aw, your cc sounds as though he is taking good care of you. i just hate depression so much sad xxx i="" think="" maybe="" i="" do="" need="" to="" up="" my="" dose="" again="" but,="" i="" always="" feel="" so="" awkward="" bringing="" these="" things="" up!="" and="" yes="" i="" am="" very="" similar="" to="" you="" when="" it="" comes="" to="" phonecalls,="" they="" send="" my="" anxiety="" through="" the="" roof!! ="" i="" would="" never="" usually="" decide="" to="" overdose="" as="" like="" you="" said,="" it="" usually="" damages="" you="" internally="" but="" doesn't="" finish="" the="" job.="" it's="" just="" the="" fact="" that="" it="" is="" the="" most="" accessible="" method="" at="" the="" moment="" i="" suppose! ="" everyone="" i="" know="" is="" away="" or="" busy,="" but="" i'm="" not="" very="" good="" at="" confiding="" in="" people="" in="" my="" every="" day="" life. ="" aw,="" your="" cc="" sounds="" as="" though="" he="" is="" taking="" good="" care="" of="" you.="" i="" just="" hate="" depression="" so="" much="" sad="">

      i think maybe i do need to up my dose again but, i always feel so awkward bringing these things up! and yes i am very similar to you when it comes to phonecalls, they send my anxiety through the roof!! 

      i would never usually decide to overdose as like you said, it usually damages you internally but doesn't finish the job. it's just the fact that it is the most accessible method at the moment i suppose! 

      everyone i know is away or busy, but i'm not very good at confiding in people in my every day life. 

      aw, your cc sounds as though he is taking good care of you. i just hate depression so much sad xxx>

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 fee25

      Posted

      That is okay , i was diagnosed with a illness in July ( physical health problem that is still ongoing - further appointments ) and i desperately needed to see the Social Worker i was seeing at the time ( my local CMHT ) but communication breakdowns ( partly my fault because of my difficulties in using the phone to ring the centre to speak to the SW and partly his as he was new to the team - looking back now i don't blame him) i ended up taking a OD of paracetamol in August as i couldn't cope with the lack of help , the shock of the illness , i ended up in hospital - the gentleman i have now - Care Coordinator is also a team leader at the locl cmht called ambulance , the taking of the paracetamol effected my physical illness and i had to stay in hospital for a couple of days to get rid of the paracetamol and for the medication i take for the physical illness to be abe to be reintroduce . This gentleman does home visits so i don't have to go to the centre , apart from the other week where he gave me a lift to the centre to see the new psychiatrist and sat with me in the appointment as i don't handle changes , new people . My trust , feel at ease went when i had the SW not feeling that he could help me and i had liked him . My CC will come out and take away tablets when i have suicidal thoughts , he is very good , took me a little while before i could even look him in his face but he was patient , still is , maybe because he used to be a CBT therapist , he also arranged for a support worker to come to my home once a week to do crafts as i had lost interest in doing them. I know what you mean about confiding in people around you but you will find many will understand what you are going through , they may even be going through it themselves , depression , anxiety is a common illness among woman and men , more so in this tough world of today . Try and get back to see your doctor before the surgeries are closed for long Christmas Weekends and tell them you are not coping , if your doctor is good then they whould listen to you as we are the experts on our bodies , mind and we know if something is not right , sorry i cannot be of anymore help , i think i mentioned before about Colouring in Colouring Books for grown ups - they are a great help to me as i can really get into a picture using gel pens - glitter ones are my favourite and i feel good when i have the finish picture and it is sparkly , please take care , thinking of you xx
    • lattifa7777
      lattifa7777 fee25

      Posted

      Jessie has given the best advice. That's what I did, its hard to get started but once you do, it does help. A lot of walking really helped me, I mean I walked for hours, then get in the bath and , practice breathing. I also used to watch only fools and horses every single day, over and over again, because I couldn't concentrate on tv , I new the storey line and it was easier to watch.

      We have all been where you are now, and you will be where we are now, if not better.

      You WILL be ok, I promise you x

  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 fee25

    Posted

    Hi fee

    Maria has given excellent advice. It's so important you make the call and get the help you need.

    Dont leave yourself feeling scared and vulnerable. There is help out there for you. ...Please take it.

    Lorraine x

  • simon8173
    simon8173 fee25

    Posted

    Hey fee25!!

    it's me, Simon. Hang in there buddy. We've been going through this at the same time together, don't give up now my friend!! Talk to me, it helps.

    • fee25
      fee25 simon8173

      Posted

      Thank you Simon! 

      We have and I hope you are getting on ok! 

      I'm still battling with the suicidal thoughts but I'm hoping I can hold out till Friday as I am seeing my GP then :S 

    • steve96103
      steve96103 fee25

      Posted

      I believe you're strong enough to make through this tough spot in your life.. if you ever get to that point, put it off till the next day. Just like in AA, we say one day at a time. At times it's five or ten minutes at a time. You have a lot of people behind you just on this site alone. Don't hesitate to call your doctor and get an appointment before Friday! When I moved to Tallahassee and went to FSU, I spent a lot of time at Barnes and Nobles in the self-help aisle.. In five years I never made it out of the self help aisle. I wanted to learn why I do what I do..It change my life for the better as I learned to like the person looking back in the mirror. It took me a couple years to confront my parents and what happened in my childhood.. I didn't have a terrible childhood but I grew up in the seventies and eighties when mothers took speed and the fathers drink.. I learned it can always be worse. Just a few years back I had a perfect body and I was doing very well. After a few years with the pain I didn't think it would ever get worse until my head turn on my shoulder. And I still know it can get worse if I don't keep walking and stretching.. I'm really glad to hear that you work. Have a good night and I'll talk to you tomorrow!
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