Posted , 23 users are following.
I am having suicidal thoughts everyday now. No doctor has been able to help me. I know I'm in perimenopause. My gyno says there's nothing wrong with me even though my testosterone was low and my progesterone was 0.2!! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm on an antidepressant but it does nothng. Please help! Is this normal to feel this way??
3 likes, 42 replies
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Patient Wildfire123
Posted
Hi Wildfire123
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
denise999 Wildfire123
Posted
You are not alone, from what I am experiencing and what I have read on here , may women at this point feel paranoia, worthless and suicidal . Keep talking , keep taking meds , keep busy , read people's stories on here that helps, and start a journal, write down everything your feeling as you feel it . It can help . Keep your mind busy so your head is full , and try not be alone with your thoughts until this time passes . Big hugs to you x
Indifferent Wildfire123
Posted
Wildfire I know exactly where you are! Last fall i had these same thoughts, they terrified me. I didn't "want" to do it but my thoughts were increasing and pushing me over that edge. It was the most terrifying time of my life. I called a friend of mine one morning when it was just so overwhelming that I feared it would happen that day and she told me to meet her at her house. She left work and met me and gave me Bach's Rescue Remedy, And Bach's Cherry Plum. Half a dropperful of each. Within 20 minutes I was feeling so much better and my thoughts had changed. I continued to take 1/4 dropperful of each daily...whenever I needed it over the next few months and never had that again.
It can be gotten at your health food store or ordered online. It worked for me when I was hanging over a cliff and desperate.
I truly pray you find help for this, I know how it feels and I am praying for you!
Suki_girl Wildfire123
Posted
Guest Wildfire123
Posted
Wildfire, where are you? In the US?
I think you def should try progesterone. Ask your gyn to prescribe it. You can also buy the cream over the counter, it's just low dose but you can double up on it.
The antidepressant might be giving you these suicidal thoughts as well, you need to talk to your doctor pronto!!
In the beginning for me, last year around this time, I too started feeling like it wouldn't matter if I was here or not. Then when I continued to be so sick all year I could understand why people could have these thoughts. I used to dismiss these people as being selfish, but now have a better understanding as to what they go through.
Now, a year later, things are starting to look good to me again. I'm looking forward to things, I'm even getting my sex drive back!
I have a plaque hanging in my home, it says 'have faith, tides change'. Better days ahead tomorrow. Really!
So go call your doctor and insist, tell him/her exactly what you told us. Get the help you need and deserve. If not, find a different doctor.
I never in a million years would've thought hormones could do what they do, and so many doctors don't either. But you know and I know, and all the women here know.
We are here for you!
Please keep me updated, will be waiting to hear.
XOXO
Wildfire123
Edited
None of my doctor's have even tried to help me. Even my gynocologist. I had my hormones tested by her through bloodwork. My testosterone was below normal range and my progesterone was 0.2. Is this normal? She said there was nothing wrong with me. Oh and estradiol was 12.7. I have anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, depression, rapid heart rate, loss of appetite, loss of interest in daily things, crying spells, fatigue, concentration problems, nausea, mood swings, hot flashes, flu like symptoms, suicidal thoughts, loss of weight, dizziness, detached from the world, feeling outside my body all the time. I'm a complete wreck! I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see myself anymore. I've lost my identity. Please tell me this perimenopause. I'm only 37. My mom went through it in her late 30's. I keep thinking I'm dying from some horrible disease too.
Guest Wildfire123
Posted
This is exactly how I was this entire year, every symptom you have and more! I was sure I was dying of something dreadful. However I'm 52 and just now finally skipped a period. But mind you I had a GP, endocrinologist, and two other doctors tell me I wasn't even close to perimenopause. Huh???? I changed GYN's and the new one said having a 0.2 progesterone level was low, and then the hormone doctor I went to who specializes in bioidentical hormones said that level of progesterone is almost non existent. So the progesterone I took was helping me sleep and helped with painful fibrocystic breasts, although my other symptoms didn't get better and more arose. I finally went off the hormones when I found out that perimeno brought up old EBV virus, and let me tell you, when you read about people suffering from reactivated EBV the symptoms are just like ours! Also, I think if your mom went through meno in her late 30s then it would seem likely that you could be too. For me, things seems to finally be calming down after a hellacious year of suffering. I can't believe I even made it thru. The only thing I'm doing different is taking B12 (methocobalimine type) and B6 which was prescribed by the EBV specialist. Why don't you try taking these B vitamins? I also worked at putting back 20 pounds of the 30 I had lost. Isn't it amazing what hormones can do to us? Who knew? But please know that I'm here for you, feel free to ask me anything. I totally know what you are going through. My GYN wanted me to go on the pill, but I resisted that because of my age. Have you thought of trying it though?
Vix72 Wildfire123
Posted
This reads like me...same same same. Except i checked into a clinic for 6 days to make sure i didnt hurt myself as all seemed lost. My anxiety is constant with huge blips in there. i ruminate, i fortune tell. cant work and can barely do anything most days. its just getting worse as they gave me sleeping pilss which im stopping today...
get your nutrient levels checked and your serum copper too look into something called 'walsh protocol' it may or may not help. magnesium and vit c are great too. i do hope that we get through this time....i also have internal shaking, insomnia, sore boobs, vaginal dryness, ringing in my left ear, night sweats, feeling dizzy or spacey. i tell my partner that the edges are blurred, as my vision gets all blurry. im becoming depressed when i'm not anxious or having an 'episode'
sometimes just knowing you arent alone is good therapy..dont hurt yourself ok. you are truly worthy and deserving of a wonderful life and once wemove past this 'turbulence' calm is waiting for us....
Wildfire123 Guest
Posted
Vix72 Wildfire123
Posted
Epstein Barr Virus. how are you feeling Wildfire123? I'm here for you all day today if you like.....
Wildfire123 Vix72
Posted
Depressed. I just want my life back. I hope I don't have that virus.
Vix72 Wildfire123
Posted
Guest Wildfire123
Posted
95% of us do have EBV that lays dormant in our bodies after we have mono when we are younger. So odds are you do have it. And sometimes with hormones dropping old viruses can reactivate. That's why we feel so awful. The good thing is, once you know if it is active, your immune system will start to kick in. It's the not knowing, and thinking you are dying from some awful disease that makes our anxiety worse.
Wildfire123 Vix72
Posted
I'm in the US. I have all kinds of symptoms. I have a therapist I go to.
Vix72 Wildfire123
Posted
Me too
I'm going to do a course on cognitive behavior therapy. Its to help manage anxiety or depression or mood disorders, which I think we all suffer from at some point during this time.
I'm about to go to bed. But I'm here for you wildfire....
Get some magnesium and vit c, b6 and b12 and maybe get your hormones checked or even start on a low dose of progesterone....this is just what I am doing
Ziongirl Guest
Posted
Suzanne
I've been in a hellish 18 months. The last few days I hit such a scary low, felt like I wanted to end it all - not going to do anything but very scary to feel that way. I would enjoy hearing more of your recovery out of the anxiety hell
Guest Ziongirl
Posted
Hi Ziongirl, I think the biggest thing that helped my anxiety was finally resolving to the fact that all my crazy symptoms are indeed related to peri and not some underlying disease that nobody found. Being undiagnosed was the worse when you are having health anxiety.
The depression finally lifted on its own but it took a good 18 months. All during that time nothing looked good, nothing.
I’m still having some symptoms, but since the anxiety calmed down, so did the worse of them. So not sure if symptoms caused anxiety or visa versa. It’s a wicked cycle.
Just know that these feelings come and go, eventually they will lift, hopefully for good.
Try and focus on what’s going ok in your life, and give yourself a break. You don’t have to be everything to everyone at this time. If people don’t understand, it’s ok.
I can’t believe how incredibly hellish my life had become, truly hit rock bottom, and for the first time I could understand how people could consider suicide. I used to have a pretty cavalier attitude about that and thought people were being selfish. Honestly, it’s like God gave me all of this to become a more compassionate person.
Looking back I wonder if antidepressant would’ve helped, but my pill anxiety held me back from trying them. Have you tried them?
Wish I had more answers. I’m in the same boat as you. But I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things are getting better and I’m starting to enjoy life again. Hang in there Zion!
XO
Ziongirl Guest
Posted
Hi Suzanne,
Thank you for getting back to me. Boy I had two scary days - so much anxiety and almost went to a hospital. I've had several hours today of no anxiety - such a blessing.
It's confusing for I've had this before in life yet when a friend observed me she thinks it's hormonal. I have an appointment with a specialist next week. So grateful!!!!
I've tried anti depressants and mood stabilizers - years back. It took a year to get off them. I've been off them for 10 years. If the hormone doc thinks I need them, I'd go back on. I just can't live feeling suicidal and so much anxiety. Hopefully he'll have some ideas. I get how people could end their life. I'm also feeling more compassion for people as well. I'm so powerless over my emotions - maybe other people are as well - with their stuff.
My desires for life has changed. I just want to feel equilibrium - that is enough!
Keep me posted how you are doing. You are in my prayers - thanks for your posts!!!!
Best
Guest Ziongirl
Posted
XOXO
patricia99374 Wildfire123
Posted
I want to share with you that I have battled clinical depression and anxiety associated with PTSD since I was 17 yrs old and this current situation with crazy hormones has definitely exacerbated my pre-existing conditions but throughout my (re)searches I have read that it will ease up but continue to seek help and look for healthcare workers who acknowledge the mental/psychological aspects women experience at different stages of life??
Please take good care and hold on!
TheDarkLady Wildfire123
Posted
Hello
I'm 38 years-old and experiencing a lot of the symptoms you are. Thus far, no medical professional has been of any help to me either. However, I know for sure that I'm in perimenopause, it starts early for the women on both sides of my family. Nevertheless, from my research. Women with the symptoms that we have are eventually diagnosed with a thyroid disorder, or perimenopause/menopause. Have you had your thyroid level tested?