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Suicide attempt and depression

Posted , 19 users are following.

me08117
me08117

Hi,

I tried to kill myself about 3 weeks ago by taking my entire prescription but was sick before I could feel any effects, been on Amitriptyline and nightly booze about a year on and off but had a lot of nights out with work and drinking at home alone and felt one night I should just die. So I took 32x 50mg of Amitriptyline and lots of alcohol but I ended up vomiting from the taste and ended with a numb face and a good nights sleep.

Normally I feel okay and cheery but the odd night or day I can barely stand life and other people are just a knife in the back, I do not want to speak or associate at all and working a service desk job is torture, too many people asking how my day is and this time of year everyone wants to hear what I'm doing for christmas and wishing me the best and all and I wish I could reply with "Well I hope to die from overdose very soon!" but it never happens.

Anyone else felt this way and if so how do you cope? I have made appointments with my doctor but end up making up nonsense as I don't have the nerve to open up to him, he's so nice and polite I don't want to burden him and wish even more to die in my sleep every time I even remotely think about putting such a horrible burden on him and I just turn even more to alcohol and more pills.

Every week I always say about Thursday or even Wednesday I will not touch a single thing, no alcohol or Ami but I always do. I have had colleagues say I look like sh*t on Mondays and sure they are joking and being honest but it puts me down so hard because it hits me like a brick and I feel worse for having no control over such a simple thing.

I need help, I have saved up a lethal dose now and fear I may get so hammered I can't rationalise death and just take the lot. Lets say about 6 grams in total(im only 70KG) and not my own prescription, two aunts and my mothers... plus as much alcohol as necessary.

0 likes, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • Meh1305
    Meh1305 me08117

    Posted

    Hi there

    I had these tablets briefly and they did not agree with me what so ever! They made me crazy! Do you still take these? Are you on any other medications?

    My advice would be, no matter how much of a burden you may think it is in your head. It's his job, and he can't get you the help you need if you don't make it clear how you're feeling. How about writing it down for him to read it? That way you won't get get tongue twisted in getting it across to him?

    You really need to get help my friend. Find the strength to seek it and follow it through and don't let depression win.

    All the best ??

  • borderriever
    borderriever me08117

    Posted

    Hello me 

    This medication has a horrible taste and taken in quite low doses causes a numbness in most parts of the mouth, possibly that has been designed into the medication so you will be sick if you take an overdose.

    If you are feeling Suicidal contact NHS Information Line on Tel 111 they will triage and arrange some urgent support.

    You can also talk to your GP tomorrow and explain all your feelings He can arrange a treatment plan for you so you gain support and understanding.

    If you OD call Tel 999 for an ambulance, or go to A and E, they will put you in a place of safety and help you come back around.

    In the past I tried Suicide and was taken into hospital as an urgent case, treatment is not very pleasent and I would prefer not to take that course again, I take Opiates as well as Amytryptalene  and Citalopram and now my wife controls my medication as She does not trust me now after my attempt. It is never the Suicide that feels the upset of our death it is those whom we leave behind and they will never forgive us, I know that by my own experiences.

    The actual treatment for an overdose can be quite nasty and the health service will do all to bring you back, understand that.

    If you need to talk we are here and we will give support. Suicide is a very cruel selfish act that will have negative effects for all those who know you.

    Consider your actions

    BOB

  • Elaine1965
    Elaine1965 me08117

    Posted

    Please seek some help as soon as possible. Life is never that bad that you should want to end it all. There are lots of help lines eg. Samaratins or your doctor can help you. You have to find the courage to speak to someone.
  • desmond74976
    desmond74976 me08117

    Posted

    Hi don't do anything stupid. I try suicide in 97.I manage to get hold of life. You are worth more than that my friend seek help. This time next year u b thinking what the hell was I thinking. All the best

  • Daviemac
    Daviemac me08117

    Posted

    You need to get help. It sounds like you've reached a bad stage and need intervention. Why not get an appointment with your GPand explain how you feel. He will listen and action something. I know because I also felt like that and did get help and quickly too.

    You won't always feel like this, I promise you. You will get through it.

  • suzannah27153
    suzannah27153 me08117

    Posted

    Wow that was very touching. I don't think you actually want to kill yourself though I do think it's your way of saying I need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help sometimes somethings are just too much. I do think you should go back to your doctors and if you feel you can't say things outright to him/her write it down, or show them your post on here. I know you say you don't want to burden them with your problems but there there to help believe me. I had a similar episode back in October due to my contraceptive pill it made me feel so crap, any way I felt very low and self harmed and took around 16 ibuprofen. My partner panicked and got my neighbour round. The next morning my neighbour rang the Dr's and made me an appt, it was the best hinges she did. The only downfall is not enough funding and staff for the follow ups, as I'm now on a waiting list for councilling. I am also fortunate to have a very strong partnership who helps me so much.

    Is there anyone you have that you can talk to??

    Pleare don't take the tablets, go to the drs and get them changed it might be that there not working you.

    X

  • SF123456
    SF123456 me08117

    Posted

    I took about 70 Amitriptine (added a nausea med) found barely breaking by my sister and landed in ICU for a week. Fortunately there was no brain damage. Oxigen was 30% a few hours later with no memory of anything except taking the pills and going off to sleep. I remember being super angry when I woke up in ICU that I had failed. I've had depression all of my adult life and at 50 you just get wore down by it all. Ggod luck to anyone suffering from major depression. It's a hell of a life.

  • BlueDiamond25
    BlueDiamond25 me08117

    Posted

    ...help me
    • Crewdog
      Crewdog BlueDiamond25

      Posted

      I know I don't know you from Adam but if you truly need help my #5596670914 it's in the states but suicide affects everyone around the world. Please feel free to text hell we might actually help each other

    • BlueDiamond25
      BlueDiamond25 Crewdog

      Posted

      Still here... have an appt Friday w Dr. Holding myself together w duct tape.
    • colleen1966
      colleen1966 Crewdog

      Posted

      hi crewdog i seen ur number is it for anyone else that is feeling like they are all alone in life anf just dont want to be here any more

  • kimmi78927
    kimmi78927 me08117

    Posted

    I’m sorry you feel this way I want to die too but I have a three year old daughter and no one decent to leave her with I am stuck in this horrible head of mine I can’t keep relationships with family or friends so I love my daughter and my son (who is living with his dad ) and I feel guilty for feeling this way but I don’t want to be me anymore I have no money and my anti depressants make me so flat I feel like I am nothing my mum is drinking her self to death and my sisters can’t stand me I have no relationship with my father because I let a man abuse me and he hates me for that I have no one bit this little poor little girl in front of me and I have my amitriptyline in front of me I’m not sure if I want to die or just be someone else I’m seriously not well in my head and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy my daughter deserves better then this 
    • nattie2807
      nattie2807 kimmi78927

      Posted

      Kimmi I feel the same. I have a 2yo little girl and i feel like such a failure. Most days i struggle to even communicate with her. I wish i wouldnt wake up every night i go to sleep. Its so hard with a child. Hope you feel better soon. Xx
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