Suicide through long term drug overdose

I'm sorry you feel so bad and low...me myself suffer from a generalised anxiety disorder and some days I just want to go...but you are not alone even if you think you are...I felt so alone, but when I was married the crap I put up with sent me clean under and I had a toddler...I left my husband and I quit my job...I then had my nervous breakdown, once I started picking up the pieces of my life I finally signed on to do a degree in university...I am now in my last year, my son is 6 next month and I'm

Off all my medication (and believe me, there was a lot)....I have a fantastic CBT therapist and I rely on my massages!! He he....don't get me wrong...some days are awful but I do things for me now and so can you...rhinkabout what YOU want and have always wanted...join college...re train...help

Others who have experienced this but please don't leave this world ....when I thought about it I just thought "gang on a minute, I want to see where this ride of life takes me" aren't you the tiniest bit curious???

Defo get help because it's there, I was with mental health for ages and a shrink....buy it's all about making your life how you want it huni :-))) keep going, there is a while world waiting for you :-)) xxx

glooby80, thanks for sharing your experience. I did try and retrain a couple of years ago, but was told that as I already had a degree I would have to pay the overseas student rate which was just too much for me to afford - the uni course would have been free as it would have been paid for by the nhs, but the science foundation course i needed first wasnt. I was upset as i got my degree through the open university and paid for it all myself whilst working full time and having 2 kids, i felt very let down and that made me worse if anything.

I am a member of my daughters secondary school pta, but let them down sometimes as I cant face helping at the events - i hate crowds and get very nervous.

I just think I am useless and a millstone around my husbands neck. My low mood brings everyone else down and stops enjoyment of anything, they would be better off without me and would be able to enjoy their lives

I felt the same hun, honest, I can't hold down a relationship with a man because I'm so down on myself and think its always me and I am alway apologising for doing nothing!! But, it's all about self belief and that's why I see my therapist, she's amazing and saved my life...I still have my issues and it does get me down but I won't let the people who hurt me win!! And I don't do crowds and hate supermarkets...thank god for online shopping! My degree is Complementary Medicine in Healthcare and I now practice my therapies, I do massage, aromatherapy and reflexology and it helps me to relax to....I don't understand all that you are going through, but it's about self acceptance and the journey finding yourself again....and you can...it's a long journey...but it will be worth it :-) xx

wow sounds a lot of hard work especially as you are bringing up your son too.

when i was at work, my husband had respect for me, but now all he does is patronise me and tell me what to do all the time like i have no brain at all. i am totally fed up with it. he told me today that i need to learn to drive on the motorway (i have never driven on one before although i have been driving for many years) as he has volunteered me into collecting my daughter from uni, he volunteers me for a lot of things without bothering to ask me how i feel first, by that time it is too late for me to say anything and if i do he gets really stroppy. i know he manages loads of people at work, but i get really pissed off with him bossing me about like i am stupid. he likes to explain things to me too - having depression makes you low and a bit slow among other things and feeling suicidal, it doesnt mean you cant switch on the dishwasher, but he likes to tell me how to do that too. why cant he try being understanding rather than a patronising condescending prat. he is also good as a back seat driver, but always wants dropping off and picking up if he is working on a sunday - i passed my test before him but that seems to count for nothing. my fault the car got hit by a stolen moped the other sunday as I had parked it across the road - nothing to do with a police chase and the thief running off, no it is now my fault the car is written off and i have to deal with it. when he is in a good mood then i feel like i can beat this bloody thing, but when he is in one of his twat moods i just want to die

You don't need that pressure when you're feeling like you do Hun...it was the same when I was married...I'm free of that now, but still sticks in my mind....I knows life before my breakdown will never be the same, I'm trying to adjust and learn to live my life with the new me...so hard with an anxiety disorder, brings my depression on...it's a huge thing but you can change your life and elimate those who make you feel like this...I've eliminated friends too...you have to otherwise you'll get dragged down and poorly forever...it may be hard but its your health and your life is worth living xxx

Sooooooo please you have made an appointment. Please keep chatting here until the day/time of it so we can support you all the way. Wish we could all go with you

Take care

felt very low when I went to bed last night - took 12 paracetamol to try and get this over with sooner. if i was an animal in this much pain I would have been put down by now. i know you are trying to help but at the moment i am not sure i am in the right place to seek it, thanks for trying though

I'm sorry and I can't force you to do anything. Here if you want to chat

Takecare

Mollysox is right, we can't force you to do anything but you know yourself when suffering from depression that night time is the worst time...even now u struggle with going to bed ! I'm actually sad that even though all these people on here including me, who have been in very similar positions can't help you change your mind....we should all fight anxiety and depression together...that's what this forum is for....you can keep talking on here, let it all out xxx

Hi, I feel just as bad this morning, but I have been thinking about my reasons. I feel like there are two sides to my head constantly battling - it was the same with the eating disorder, one always fighting with the other. Most of me has had enough and just wants to be switched off, but there is a little bit of me I suppose that wants to carry on, otherwise I wouldnt reply and appreciate the support I am getting.

I am worried about telling my doctor because I dont know what he will do, I have known him for many years and am really not sure how to tell him. The other part of my head thinks I should carry on as there is only one solution, it is a constant battle. It is the same with eating, I have a great control on my food intake, and that side of my head is winning at present, I have lost a stone in 2 months, thinking that the more I loose the easier it will be with the paracetamol.

If there is a part of you that wants to keep going then this is positive...ask to see a different doctor...also ask for a CBT therapist...I have been with mine for 2 years and she knows me, my habits and how to help me...you will find that therapist too and it's a great thing to always have that support too...we are all here for you to...I have my hand glued to my iPhone all the time, he he....keep fighting, it's bloody hard, but it's possible, I suffer every day still but I am so determined to kiss ass!! Xx hugs xx

amazing, I used to think that battling against two sides of myself was just me so you are not alone. It is hard to explain to anyone but i am sure that your Dr will be sensitive to you. May I suggest you start to write things down so that you can just hand your Dr your thoughts and feelings to read. I know a lot of people who have done this and can be very helpful

Take care

i think some of the problem is that people have expected me to just get over the depression as I gained weight, but they have got it the wrong way round as my depression caused the eating disorder.

Many thanks for supporting me, it is so hard and lonely not having anyone (family) who can relate to what I am going through and just think I am being miserable and moody.

my doctor is a really nice guy and has known the family for many years - his kids are the same ages as mine, it is going to be hard as I know he is deeply religious, but he would never bring that into his surgery or make it hamper his decision, I just want to offend his beliefs. I am not religious at all - when you are dead thats it lights out, but I have always brought up the kids to learn and respect all beliefs and try not to offend anyone who has different beliefs to us, everyone has a right to believe or not.

I am finding this soo hard.

Thank you

Hey

Sorry that I haven't replied again. I haven't forgotten you. I am loving that you are still replying and sticking with everything that people are writing. I know you said that you don't get why strangers would care. Who cares why!!! I can't even give you a reason why I would care about someone I've never met either.....I think I just don/t like to hear that someone else is in pain and if I can offer any words of support then I think that I should.

I love this statement that you made "there is a little bit of me I suppose that wants to carry on, otherwise I wouldnt reply and appreciate the support I am getting." That's a massive amount of hope. That's the bit of you that needs support and that little bit of you needs to be made bigger.

You can't do that alone though and there is no shame at all in getting help. People have suggested loads of places for you, but it seems like your GP is the best place to start. I had a time once when things were too much, I didn't trust my GP would listen or that I would say it outloud. So I took a 'shopping list' of everything. And I found something in me to hand the bit of paper to them, it felt like such a relief.

Keep talking about all the bits that are going on in your life that are irritating you, sometimes it just feels good to say it to other people rather than keeping it all in to yourself.

I know it's hard, but in my humble opinion you are being so brave in sharing with us. You are doing a fantastic job of being open & honest. Take care x

What makes me worse today is that my daughter has gone to uni and is feeling very homesick, I have been skyping and texting her, but knowing how she felt about me before she left I dont know why she wants to come home. All she has said for the last 6 months is that she cant wait to go - which she knows hurt me, all the stress she has put everyone under, not caring who she hurt by what she said and did just so that she got what she wanted and now she wants to ditch it all in. I am getting so confused.

When I was really low before, I used to have to support her when she got so stressed she threatened overdose, maybe one day she might return the favour....... but thats not why you become a parent. We choose it, 5 years of fertility treatment, miscarriages - yes we spoilt her, it is more my fault than his. So I just grin and bare it and hope I can get her through it and support her as much as I can, but it just makes me feel even more isolated