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Suicide. What are you meant to do?

Posted , 8 users are following.

Bird82
Bird82

When you're feeling like ending it all. What are you actually meant to do? When there is nobody you can really talk to and no one to help you, what are you meant to do? When you are haunted by failures and can see nothing positive in the future. When you are damaged from the inside out and your body is falling apart. When every new day offers a little less hope than the one before. When you feel like it's the end and you're not helping anyone anymore. You've failed, become a doormat with no respect for yourself. What are you actually meant to do?

1 like, 35 replies

35 Replies

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  • michael98615
    michael98615 Bird82

    Posted

    hold on i guess, till ur next gp appointment,
    • Bird82
      Bird82 michael98615

      Posted

      Trying! I don't tell doctors this stuff though. But you're right.
    • michael98615
      michael98615 Bird82

      Posted

      best thing i did was goto the doctors n explain myself, might b worth mentioning to ur GP, that u feel u dont open up enough, due to lack of inner strength or that GP appoinments not long enough for you to fully exlain, hope ur next visit goes well smile
    • Bird82
      Bird82 michael98615

      Posted

      Thanks. Yeah you're right, I just feel like a nuisance to doctors, therapists, friends etc. there's just so much, I can't say it all! But saying bits and bobs is pointless so I just say nothing.
  • TeresaJS
    TeresaJS Bird82

    Posted

    Hya Bird smile!

    You are supposed to be honest to yourself;

    You are supposed to try to see more clearly;

    You are supposed to accept the imperfection of all people including your own.

    You are supposed to put yourself out there just like you're doing now by coming here and sharing what's going on with you.

    We're all damaged: can't you see?

    We all had imperfect parents, bad experiences and countless failures.

    No one is immune no matter how much they pretend to be successful.

    Your imperfections and your failures are the marvel you'll crave to make your statue.

    See if CODA support groups are your thing - no one asks, no one intrudes but everyone helps. I'm PM you a link. 

    Keep posting here. If you don't get the answer you need right away remember: people are imperfect, they don't know how to deal with pain.

    Teresa

    • Bird82
      Bird82 TeresaJS

      Posted

      Thanks. I guess I realise nobody can answer my questions or tell me what to do. I just thought I'd try and get it out rather than internalise it all.

      Thank you for the link. I really appreciate it.

  • StuartPalmer
    StuartPalmer Bird82

    Posted

    Bird,

    If you feel you want to kill yourself, that's OK.

    But don't do it today.

    Say to yourself;

    'This may be unbearable when I think of life going on and on, forever, in this misery, but I have the strength to withstand it for 28 days.'

    Tell yourself;

     'I will kill myself in four week's time, as long as I don't have a 'good' day within that time period.'

    If you have a good day, reset the clock, so you give yourself another four weeks before the big day, from the day you felt a bit better.

    If, at the 28th day, you still feel you can't go on, go right ahead.

    In the meantime, try to talk to professionals, speak with the Samaritans, try not to turn inwards on yourself.

    An impulse suicide attempt is never the way forward. 

    Stuart

     

    • archemedes
      archemedes StuartPalmer

      Posted

      I consider what you have just said Stuart as a meaningful, accurate and valuable piece of advice, and I would like to congratulate you for stating it.

      Very well said.

    • Bird82
      Bird82 StuartPalmer

      Posted

      Thank you Stuart. That is a sensible and precise approach. In all the madness and turmoil, it's good to have a step by step plan. I will keep trying. Thank you.
  • sara84877
    sara84877 Bird82

    Posted

    Do you have kids bird?
    • Bird82
      Bird82 sara84877

      Posted

      Yes I do. Believe me, I love my kids more than anything and they are the reason I'm still trying. But as time goes by I feel more and more like I'm failing them. Their father walked out when they were babies and has never helped since. I have no siblings. I'm struggling every day. My boys have special needs, one autism and one aspergers and I also look after my cousin who was abandoned by his parents 7 years ago. I've tried so hard but just feel like I have no strength left. Maybe they'd all do better without me. All they are witnessing is my downward spiral and that is just not good enough. I want them to be happy and successful. How can I possibly teach them / show them that when I'm like this?
    • sara84877
      sara84877 Bird82

      Posted

      What are you suffering with babe? Is it anxiety/ depression? Both? Etc. I know it's hard I have a little boy and I am 27 weeks pregnant! Please talk to me x
    • sara84877
      sara84877

      Posted

      Do you have any close family/friends?x
  • Buffplums
    Buffplums Bird82

    Posted

    Hi Bird,

    please i dint have any answers but if you would like to talk to me i will listen to you my friend. I have just list a dear friend to suicide and its devastating.

    please, please dont do anything butbplease talk to someone like i said you can talk to me if you like"

    the one thing i have learnt is that when someobe says to talk, the immediate reaction may be, well what good will that do, but even though folk may not have the answer often when you talk to someone, somehow it can make things a little easier and sometimes you can actually discover your own answers or see things a different way. Sorry if this doesnt sound helpfull but people do care, and i care that there is someone like you out there breaking their heart and hurting and just feeling so tired and upset. Sorry im assuming.

    look, if you want to talk i can send you my email first and even a mobile number and i can just listen and not judge or sugest anythng.

    Take care my friend.

    kindest and warmest regards,

    chris

    • sara84877
      sara84877 Buffplums

      Posted

      Bird you need to know that we are ALL here for you! If you ever want to message me I will reply day or night. We are all going and have gone through similar things. Find some inner strength, look at your babies and turn your life around! You CAN do this! It's your outlook that restricts you. It will be hard at first but it WILL get easier because everything passes. Make your babies your whole priority, love them spend your time with them and make it your mission to ensure they succeed in life. Be a fighter and most importantly hold your head high and be proud of yourself! and smile. Because in the end that's ALL that matters!
    • sara84877
      sara84877

      Posted

      Just by reading your posts I can tell you that I am proud of you! What we go through pushes us to our mental limits!! It does NOT make us weak, we are a hell of a lot stronger than most!! We can do this chick! For our babies!
    • Bird82
      Bird82 Buffplums

      Posted

      Hi,

      Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. It's scary sometimes, I always think I'm being a nuisance. But I guess reaching out to strangers is easier than talking to doctors and people you know. Definitely feels that way for me. Really thank you so much though. I hope you are doing okay.

    • Bird82
      Bird82 sara84877

      Posted

      Thank you Sara. I really appreciate the time you've taken to say this to me. I totally hear you, and I am trying so hard to do all what you've said. I will keep trying my best for my kids and myself. Trust me, on the outside nobody would have a clue that this is happening, I don't think my kids even know as I do my very best to shield them from it all. But it's getting harder and I'm getting weaker. Well at least that's how I feel. I think lonliness can take its toll and I've ended up feeling detached and isolated from the rest of the "happy world". It's perception though and I am fighting it. Thanks again and I am here for you too if you need to talk xx
    • sara84877
      sara84877 Bird82

      Posted

      I know exactly where you are coming from chick I am having ups and downs and extreme panic attacks with this pregnancy! It's a whole other ball game! And with a 3 year old to look after and work in a busy office in the afternoons! it is heart breaking. I just refuse to let it beat me I'm so stubborn! If you feel really down or want to talk message me, we WILL get through this together.
    • sara84877
      sara84877 Bird82

      Posted

      But like you said we keep it to ourselves and I am starting to wonder weather that is the right thing to do. I couldn't bare to be judged, loose my job etc and doctors/therapist really are useless, judging pricks that chuck drugs at you. I refuse to take them
    • Buffplums
      Buffplums Bird82

      Posted

      You are very welcome Bird. Yes , thank you i am doing ok, just a big shock, i have had 2 friends and a colleague commit suicide. It leaves those who knew them asking questions, was there something I could have done? You keep asking yourself that.

      I dont know how but if somehow you could just get some respite from your children, dont mean that to sound awful but i mean if you were able to get so e time to yourself somehow, on a regular basis, maybe you might feel a little better after your batteries have been charged.

      it sounds so sad that mums who bring up children on their own get such a raw deal in terms of support from the state.

      try not to feel that you are letting your children down, im sure that it is tge opposite, if you didnt care so much about then you probably might have done something. They need their mum just like you need them. Hold onto that and you are doing an amazing job. But sounds like you need time away every now and again maybe to just recharge?

      sorry i cant be much help.

      regards

      chris x

       

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