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Terrified 😂

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Bubbins
Bubbins

Hi,

Am waiting for results of a CT brain scan for dementia and increasingly terrified the longer I wait.  It's been 5 weeks now.  I am convinced it's going to be bad news because of my symptoms.

For a while I thought it could be perimenopause, but not sure now.  I keep having really really scarey things happen, often out of the blue which just confirm my concerns.  aside from short term memory loss, I keep getting all sorts of things confused.  I've tried to put the front seatbelt on whilst sitting in the back of a car, I though I had lost my mobile phone, but I was talking on it.  And then just now I got really confused between a friend and my sister and who was who.  I just can't go on like this or believe it could be hormones.  All I keep thinking is how My life is over 😂😂😂

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  • laurie93043
    laurie93043 Bubbins

    Posted

    I recall all your symptoms, Bubbins, and they went away. I'm 67 and on HRT since menopause at 43, as I have low bone mass (and low risk of cancers or heart problems, lucky that way.) If it helps any, I learned to always put my keys and glasses in the same place and focus on peoples' names so I might remember them. Got back my memory. Worst of it was an irrational depression which also lifted upon taking hormones. I had fought off recommendations to take HRT but bone mass convinced me. Let us know how you're doing. Great to see such a vibrant, supportive place online. Thanks all! : )
    • caroleUJ62
      caroleUJ62 laurie93043

      Posted

      Absolutely. I think this forum is a great support link.

      Funnily enough I've just noticed that I'm forgetting a few things again that I used to automatically remember, but I dont get upset about it, like I did when it first happened, which makes it a whole lot easier, because I know its not Alzheimers.

      I do suffer from quite bad morning depression, which sometimes makes me feel like just not getting out of bed - I do though - and makes things - ambitions that I always had in life seem quite meaningless - which does worry me.  

      For example, I am signed up to do an MA which the Open University. I signed up 2 years ago, and then after trying to start, put if off for a year - then put it off for another year. Now this is last chance to start this autumn, and although I really really want to, the thought of it terrifies me, and I justthink I wont cope.

      This is from someome who used to be a university lecturer!

      I do take AD's and am due to get some therapy sessions soon, but motivation is one thing I seem to have lost. I used to ambitious to the point of it being obsessive and probably unhealthy. Now I'm the opposite. Is this something common in the peri/menopause?

       

    • laurie93043
      laurie93043 caroleUJ62

      Posted

      yup, sounds familiar, Carole. Even the M.A. (wordy me balked at writing the thesis, even way before meno. Took an extra year. What worked: put a red light bulb into lamp so I could not see what I was writing! ha ha, was able to blab out a passable paper like that. hope it helps.) Wish the AD's were helping you more -- maybe therapy will make the difference.  (I'm quite opinionated on all of it, from AD's to therapies. So tune me out if you like.) I've been using the "new" cognitive beh. therapy and brain science stuff lately for astoundingly good results on myself. I think this may belong on a diff discussion group. But hey, we're holistic nowadays and things blend and overlap. Take very good care. p.s. yes about the adrenalin stuff -- our own anxieties/fears (conditioning, etc.) flare up when there's an adrenalin burst. We FEEL the fear literally, physically, and not just 'emotionally.' At least that's what I think. Ambitious -- ah, I don't know. Sometimes it's good to get a rest, hard to find a balance.   ? 
    • caroleUJ62
      caroleUJ62 laurie93043

      Posted

      Thanks Laurie.

      Yes the adrenalin and fear has calmed down alot which is good. It really was destroying me, and no matter what I did, it wouldnt stop. Now it has stopped, and there is really no logical reason why - so it must be biological.

      As for the lack or motivation and depression - quite right today which after my 18 year old son was stroppy with me over nothin,g led me to just lying on the bed for most of the day. I just thought - stuff the lot of you - I'm done with this.  Then I got up at 11pm and did some cleaning up after husband and son, who of couldnt be bothered to do it! Oh God - now I'm a moaning old bag!

      I think if I can way a way to organise my thoughts and work to do the MA, it would be really good for my mental health as I think depression - in my case - stems from feeling I have no purpose in life.

      Anyway - s'pose I'd better go to bed - properly this time, and hope tomorrow I'll feel better.....

    • laurie93043
      laurie93043 caroleUJ62

      Posted

      sounds like the double or triple whammy. (meno, teenager, not teaching right now.) Glad you got some rest and maybe more. You already can see through to what would be helpful in pursuing purpose. fwiw, when I retired, instead of being jubilant, my mood plummeted till it was an effort to put one foot in front of the other. Brief course of therapy helped me re-locate my compass. Now I don't see how I ever 'worked' and have to focus on getting time to do all the things I enJoy. There really can be a reward at the end of the tunnel. (Hope it's not too near the end of the tunnel, but whatever's left, I'll take it.) Wishing the same for you in the morning.
    • caroleUJ62
      caroleUJ62 laurie93043

      Posted

      Thanks Laurie,

      well after starting off feeling whats the point in getting dressed, I decided to fight back, so me and hubby have just have dumped all said teenagers mess which was spread aroundt the house on the floor of his room in one big pile.

      He's still in bed, so be iteresting to see the reaction when he wakes up.

      Anyway, better get on and go out and do some shopping. Got to get some things for my mum, who lives in a really nice care home just down the road. She has Alzheimers. She cant live with us due to safety issues, and anyway, shes actually very happy where she is. Sometimes when I visit her I feel like creeping up to her - again very nice - room, and staying there, and not going back home to face all the same old rubbish......

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