The eve of the start of being codeine free

I was placed on 8mg subutex for a 6 months codeine addiction and still struggling to come off this awful tablet is start my 3rd detox on 5th June am terrified as I have never been able to overcome the post acute withdrawal which the addiction team say doesn't exist my GP won't help have you any advice you can give me this has robbed me off 11 years of my life any advice would be gratefully received I have no one

Hi Tez.

I feel for you Sweetheart I really do.

It's ok for the addiction team to say it doesn't exist, but, HELLO!!! You are living proof that it does!!

This is so very frustrating for you, your GP will not do anything because they believe it's down to the addiction team to help you!

I'm in the same boat at the moment, my GP won't give me anything for my Degenerative disc Desease in my back as he won't go against the addiction Psychiatrist I'm seeing.

The addiction Psychiatrist believes it's down to the pain clinic to give me something.

The pain clinic won't see me because there is nothing more they can do. It's a vicious circle. All the while I've more than halved my dose of methadone wanting to get off the stuff, forgetting it also acts as a pain killer.

I'm really sorry I can't offer any advice Tez only to say ring Release that I mentioned earlier in another post. They will help you & offer advice. I didn't know where to turn before I contacted them, I was suicidal & they helped me so very much.

Take care

Ritchie xx

Thanks so much for your kind words and what a terrible vicious circle you are in it must be so hard yet still cutting down your methadone that takes some doing especially as your in so much pain I feel for you once we become addicts I personally think we don't get treated like other patients just get passed about from pillar to post i wish you all the luck in the world xx I will Google and phone that placertain thankyou so much xx

It's my pleasure Tez.

I was a senior manager before all this with a lovely Lexus car & £50k per yr. Now I have nothing at all.

They stopped my ESA payments over a month ago because they said I'm "fit to work" even though my GP says I'm not fit to work.

Going to a tribunal now so we will see what happens.

But, you're so very right. You get treated like something that you've stepped in!! I have been saying this for ages now. There's no respect whatsoever & it's very very wrong!

Anyway, good luck & please do ring Release, they are amazing caring people & they will help you

Take care

Ritchie xx

Well done and keep going it will be so worth it i so wish I had done it instead of going down the subutex path and now trying to get off that keep strong your on the road to recovery keep us posted lots of luck xx

Cathryn Kemps book is a really great read. Her addiction was to Fentanyl which is really strong, it was one of the first books that I read when I realised that I had a big problem with the Oxycontin.

I've also thought about writing a book all about the issues that I had & everything that I went & am still going through.

Especially when I was never told about the Oxycontin, I wasn't even told, or didn't even know what an opiate was.

Especially when I think back & realise That, at the time I was prescribed all that Oxycontin, Purdue Pharma the manufacturers, had already been fined many many $millions for saying the drug wasn't addictive.

Your right that book is brilliant how these powerful drugs are given out so easy I have no idea it makes my codeine addiction look weak I can't belive these drug companies are getting away with it they should be made to pay the innocent victims for destroying their lives. You should write your book I would definitely read it I've been meaning to write one for years unfortunately the subutex just fogs my head and cant get it together but then I remember the hell of being off subutex you can't read a book let alone write one you can't watch TV you can't do sod all but I've got to get off it i was lucky I got a apology of the drug and alcohol team who now say I should never have been prescribed subutex in the first place but 11 years ago things were different plus it was addaction then not inclusion so sorry for messing 11 years of your life up but try to focus on the future as coming off subutex isn't that hard omg I could scream when they say it i can't be the only one surely why can't they just say yes it can be hell their constant denial makes me mistrust all medical people x

It's so very wrong Tez, it really is, and what you said about being treated differently is so correct!!

Apologies if I have already told you this as my memory is totally shot due to all that Oxycontin i took for years.

It's also the cause apparently of my zero testosterone level which, upto date ive had 2 hormone replacement injections which, as of yet hasnt helped me.

I was also diagnosed with Severe mixed sleep apnoea in December, where after being monitored, it was found that I actually stop breathing in my sleep on average, 80 times per hour!!

I don't know if you know but, I was put on all that Oxycontin for "Degenerative disc Desease" in my lower back, it was caused from years of hand stacking 1000's of concrete slabs per day for years even before manual handling was ever thought of.

I will cut a very very long story short now lol!!

Back in January 2016, I went back to the "Pain Clinic" at my local hospital after having 3 lots of injections into my discs that didn't help me.

At that time I was taking roughly 1500mgs of Oxycontin per day! Bearing in mind someone not opiate tolerant, 60mgs would kill them!!!!

The consultant at the Pain Clinic wrote a note to my new GP stating that the most pressing issue was to get me off the Oxycontin as I was also very suicidal at that time. This stuff really did & has destroyed my life!

Anyway, after getting the Oxycontin replaced by 115mils of methadone daily to hold off the withdrawals, as I was the only person in Derbyshire & still am according to the addiction team, that has been placed on methadone to get off prescription drugs as it's always Heroin addicts that get methadone, I reduced the dose to 50mils off my own back.

I was referred back to the pain clinic as I live in agony daily (currently, the 50mils of methadone is all I take)

I got a phone call from the pain clinic yesterday saying that the GP's referral has been refused by the consultant as there is nothing more they can do for me.

I honestly don't know where to go from here, am I supposed to live in agony every day for the rest of my life???

The pain clinic have even suggested to my GP that they up the dose of methadone!! WTF!!!!!

I really do have to laugh or I would just crack up!!

I will let you know what happens next!

You take care

Ritchie xx

Omg your story is so shockingly sad it's a utter disgrace the way you are being treated and how on earth are you expected to live in agony you have managed to beat your addiction and you need all the support you can get yet bizarrely they are making everything so much more harder for you it is a tragic story I think you should definitely write that book. I would have cracked up so good on you for not. Can you believe they suggested I go on methadone for my codeine addiction! !! That's madness as well just wish I'd never gone to these so called addiction specialists who just don't seem to have a clue but then firstly my GP said there was no such thing as codeine addiction then the next GP sends me there. Wow I don't know what to say except keep up the fight but what a absolute nightmare. Please do let me know how you get on i wish you all the luck in the world in the hope something more positive happens soon. Xx

Thank you Tez & yes, it really has been a total nightmare. You trust your GP don't you!! Well, I trusted mine & it really did destroy my life & I'm not exagerating either.

I had never ever touched any type of drugs before this, I get put on this stuff & all of a sudden I've gone from a Senior Manager role on £50k pa with a sporty top spec Lexus on my drive to absolutely Nothing. The DVLA have even taken my driving licence away because of my depression, methadone & severe sleep apnoea.

I don't blame them at all, even though I've never fallen asleep while driving, the last thing I need on my conscience is someone's death because I fell asleep while driving God forbid!!!

Thank you so much for your comments Tez, it means such a lot to me in this struggle. Once I got over the addiction I thought that was it, I had cracked it lol, but I guess it's just the very start of the fight that we all have to face hey!!???

Please do stay in touch with me, it would be really great to meet up someday & discuss our many battles we have had to face in this sad, sick & very perverted world that we struggle with on a daily basis!!!

I'm so sorry to pour my issues out on you, as you're facing your own battles that you need to get through!

I just hope & prey that there is someone to help you through the struggles that you're facing also on a daily basis!!!

God bless you & I prey that you will get through this!!

Take care

Ritchie xx

Thank you Tez.

At times I've almost given up, looked out over the balcony of my flat and said,

"ok, goodbye cruel world, you've beat me"

Lol, then I just see my daughter's faces & think don't be so stupid!!!

But that's just how the system makes you feel at times!! I think, ok, I'm 49yrs old & I've worked damn hard all my life since the age of 14. And what do I have to show for it!!!.

I was divorced 9yrs ago, the house was sold that I built an extension on, turned it from a 2 bed bungalow into a 4 bed house.

I paid all the bills, bought the weekly shop etc etc, my ex paid for nothing!

When the house was sold as part of the divorce, she walked away with over £96k, I walked away with £18k, £17k of my share I had to use to pay off the loan I took out in my name stupidly,(as she didn't come to the bank), the loan was solely for her to get a new car, she ended up with the new car & I had to pay off the loan for it!!!

She had over £96k & after I'd paid her loan off, she had a new car & I was left with £800 to start my life over again.

Hahahaha, like I said, I could really write a book but, I don't think I'm in any fit state to do it yet!! But, I am determined to one day though Tez. I think I need too!!!

Ritchie xx

I know that feeling to well of jumping off a balcony but knowing my luck would end up paralysed and on excuse the pun blinking high dose painkillers.also I have a brilliant 13 year old son he doesn't know my true battle as also have underactive thyroid so disguise it as that I live in constant fear he will find out and think so badly of me but if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be hear today. I worked 3 jobs to buy my first house drove a nice car but also chose the wrong man who was mentally and physically cruel but that's a different story. Had a good job now live in housing association house living week to week lost everything apart from my beautiful son and parents am very lonely as keep myself to myself because of my condition am 47 feel 97 ha I also thought when I left the detox which took place in a acute psychiatric assessment centre omg the stories I could tell from being in their lol where do you live I'm originally from Essex but now live in March a boring small town in Cambridgeshire but if all this ever gets sorted would love to move down to Cornwall just like cathyrno kemp did. Please write your book and please keep in touch though both times after I've been detoxed I just go completely withdrawn want to hide away hey maybe we could support each other i feel for you i really do I emailed that place release they have already emailed me back questioning why the hell did they prescribe subutex for codeine addiction and given me a telephone number so thanks for that. Are we allowed to exchange our email addresses on here to xx

I'm so pleased you got In touch with Release, they really are amazing & will help you.

I know what you mean about your son, I wouldn't be here also if it wasn't for my two daughters!!

I will write that book one day, if only to help others in a similar situation that have nowhere to turn for help with there addiction!!

I'm not sure about email addresses to be honest.

Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service.

http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

My last message to you included my email address.

It says "waiting to be moderzted" so i guess the answer is No, you cannot use email address???

"Modetated"

Oh I'm the usual hm UK um nothing in life is easy tinsell22 take care xx

How's your weekend stupid question probably same as all others but sometimes it's just nice to get a text or message of hope from someone whose going through the same kind of battle the same pile of 💩 have no idea what I will be like when I start my detox process so any support anyone can offer much appreciated ?xx

You're right!!

I've actually had one of my daughters stay here for the weekend so that was really nice.

Can you believe her so called mother, actually told her the other day;

"Go hang yourself as no one would miss you" my oldest is 18, my youngest 16 next month & if I had done a fraction, (not that I would ever dream of doing it as my daughter's are my whole world) of what their so called mother had said & done to them, I would've been sent down for neglect & child cruelty!!!!

This country is so bitterly sick, sad, & pervertdly twisted, and so full of sick individuals that do not deserve to be called Parents.

It's just very very wrong.

I'm Sorry, I'm just really upset by what's been said to my daughter & just cannot get my head around it, and it isn't the first time she's mentally tortured my girls.

Sorry

Take care for now

Ritchie xx

Omg what the most shocking thing to say to her own daughter? ??? Words fail me on that one the poar girl shocking, totally shocking and yes this world is full of totally cruel people I much prefer animals to people would be lost without my dog and son of course. Glad you had some company for the weekend but shocking thing to have heard I'm sorry xx

I know exactly what you mean, I'd love a dog again but not allowed where I live.

My daughter actually said that she's fine about it because she is so used to it now which is very sad!!!

I think mainly the depression & bad days I still have are knowing that both my girls would be much better off with me & knowing I can't do a thing about it!!.

Never mind, plon on hey!

Hope you & your son had a good weekend! Xx

Yes they are such good company dogs only downfall is you can't have pyjama days but at least it gets me out even when I don't want to go his still a pup only just turned 1 so needs plenty of exercise. Such a shame about your daughters must be heartbreaking. I think I have sent you a private message with my contact details on not sure if I done it right my head is always scrambled these days starting to feel very anxious about detox and afterwards now just wish their was a magic cure xx

Oh right I'll have a look for it!

I know what you mean, my mum keeps telling me to get out more, but by the time I've been to get my methadone everyday, by the time I get back my back is killing me.

I used to drive to get but with the DVLA revoking my driving licence, I have no choice.

I think the worst thing is knowing that day is coming & part of you is dreading it & the other part just wanting it over & done with!

I'm sure you will be fine & you will get through it.

Youre very very brave & strong for doing it, a lot of people wouldn't or couldn't but, I'm sure you have the strength to get through it. You can beat it!! xx

Hi I don't often read the daily mail but they lately have been running stories on people getting addicted to prescription medicines wether it be painkillers tranquilisers etc they are organising a campaign save the prescription pill victims and trying to get a 24hr helpline started i did email them my story a few weeks ago haven't had a reply but apparently they had a huge response your story is definitely worth a feature I think but also if they can get this up and running will be good didn't know wether you had seen it xx

Hi Tez,

I haven't seen it & wasn't aware of it all.

I would like to get in touch with them to hopefully prevent this kinda thing happening to anyone else. Do you have their contact info?

When a company gets fined over $645 million (is the latest figure), & it's responsible for destroying someone's life & when that companies sales reps were getting around $250k p.a in bonuses, something is very very wrong hey!! xx

Hi their am very down today. Google daily mail contact sure yours would make it in just hope they manage to get a proper campaign going xx