There doesn't seem to be an end in sight
Posted , 9 users are following.
I am 48, going on 49 years old. I've had mild undiagnosed depression most of my adult life. The last 2 years seem to have gotten progressively worse, although I am not sure at times whether it's caused by me internally or by things in my life.
I have a very non-supportive wife. Her response when I'm down is to "suck it up" and "other people have real problems", and finally "Just be happy".
She keeps telling me I need to get on medication, which I probably do. I tell her I need her to be more supportive of recognizing that her harshness makes things worse for me, and she responsds with "not going to coddle you">
I am lost in what to do, how to do it, and whether to just ignore her harshness, or if I just need to be medicated so I don't care anymore
2 likes, 17 replies
Trina536 david15680
Posted
Hi David, sometimes it is very hard for people to understand, especially when they haven't suffered this illness,you really need to see your GP, take your other half with you,that way she can see you doing something positive, sometimes we need help to get us over these hurdles,and if you look at what others are posting on this forum you will see that your not alone, there is help out there for people like us, but you have to take the first step, at the moment you are in a very lonely place even though there are people around, depression and anxiety can be very isolating.Make that appointment with your GP, you will feel better knowing you are doing something positive ?
david15680 Trina536
Posted
Thanks for your reply Trina. I don't believe I would get her to go with me, as she doesn't want to deal with any of it. She has gone so far as to say she would rather I pretend to be happy because she can't stand seeing people mope about.
Trina536 david15680
Posted
OhDavid, I'm so sorry,it must be really difficult for you her being like that, obviously she is not supportive of you,well never mind there are plenty of people on here that will listen to you,we all know what it's like,and it certainly isn't moping about, it is a real illness,that can go steadily worse if it's not treated,looks like you'll have to go it alone though except for your friends on here,who will be here whenever you need them,just take that first step and see your GP, always here if you need a chat ?
david15680 Trina536
Posted
sandy_so_sad david15680
Posted
Hi David
Please see your GP
Unfortunately my partner wouldn't see one. Now my relationship is in trouble
IVe tried to be supportive but all he does in run away
david15680 sandy_so_sad
Posted
Hi Sandy, I'm sorry your relationship is in trouble. You are a good person for being supportive. I want to see a GP, but right now without insurance, and it seems like anytime I talk about going, suddenly we don't have the money.
Hang in there, Sandy. Keep being supportive
Hakuna_matata david15680
Posted
Hey David
How are you seems a silly question so let's get straight to the point, depression is a tough one to understand from anyone that hasn't experienced it.
Your wife is approaching the subject by tough love methods and clearly hasn't realised the depth of your depression you definitely do need to go to your gp however I feel you need to try to explain better to your wife how you are feeling words are very powerful David
Instead of saying I feel down say things like how I describe it is I have no reflection in the mirror I see through myself just coldness behind the eyes let her try to understand how bad that must feel to not know yourself anymore,
I say this a lot and you need to remember this understanding depression to non suffers is only as good as the description they hear of it if you say I'm down it doesn't have an impact people get down because it's raining so you see what I'm saying your more than down David you need to try to communicate it better is what I'm thinking do as I do write a normal when your feeling low say why and what's made you feel that way it'll help you explain things to both your wife and your dr
Thinking of you stay in touch mike
david15680 Hakuna_matata
Posted
Thank you for responding.
I actually used to try and express the depth of what I was feeling. What would happen is she would roll her eyes, mutter "Oh God" under her breath and then comment on how anything I was saying or feeling was not even that important. That "Men" are supposed to be strong, and that her father would have never said/felt that way. She's known plenty of men who are strong. Etc Etc.
She's had me questioning my own sanity multiple times, and even blaming myself her for irritation about my depression. I feel bad about feeling bad and begin thinking that maybe I'm just a burden.
Bookworm13 david15680
Posted
Hi David.
I totally agree with what has been said.
You need to make an app to see your GP. This in itself will help, as you'll be taking the first step to getting better again.
Please make an app as soon as you can and you will get the help and support you need.
Please let us know how you get on.
david15680 Bookworm13
Posted
wayne1962 david15680
Posted
David, get it by hook or by crook. Tell your wife that such-and-such an item will not be available for the next couple weeks because you need to see the doc. Doesn't your wife keep telling you that you need to get on medication? Before telling you to "suck it up" etc? Your mental health is the No.1 priority at this point. Tell her that. Don't ask her. Tell her.
jan_39653 david15680
Posted
I'm so sad your life has developed in this way David. Your most recent comment has brought it home to me how lucky we are in the UK to have the National Health Service because, whinge and moan about it as we do, none of us has to worry about the cost of going to see a GP. That must make things even more difficult for you and make our advice pretty meaningless.
Are there funded services for those without medical insurance? Anything through work, if you are in employment? I can't imagine a developed society that doesn't make provision for access to health services for all. You certainly can't deal with this without professional help, starting with a diagnosis. You have said it's undiagnosed and lifelong - there are physical health conditions that mimic symptoms we then dismiss as depression, like thyroid imbalance or vitamin deficiency (non-absorption rather than inadequate diet).
Sadly, you are not going to change your wife's intolerant attitude towards what's wrong with you and it seems she adds to your stress. However, it is wrong to minimise or suppress your symptoms just to satisfy her and harmful to your mental wellbeing. Make yourself the priority now, make sure something gets puts aside in the budget for your medical care as you are going to need some kind of help - it's an important investment in the future of your partnership and marriage to get you back on your feet.
david15680 jan_39653
Posted
Hi Jan,
No I'm not in the UK, I'm a yank here in the US (dont hold that against me). There are funded services here for those without insurance, but difficult to get in them. I don't make a fortune, but because of how our lovely government has structured things here, I am in a pay bracket where there is no assistance provided. Not enough money to pay private, and too much money for help. Ironic isn't it?
phyllis11904 david15680
Posted
Hi David. I am very fortunate to live in Canada where everyone has access to medical services regardless of their ability to pay. We are all here for support and you can talk to us anytime. We understand what you are going through. Are there any walking clinics you can go to that don't require paylmemt for medical services? Keep in touch. Take care.
wayne1962 david15680
Posted
Hi David - meds might be the avenue you are looking for. They will help even out your mood and should be used in conjuction with a therapist/psychologist where you can dig down to deal wth any issues that might be causing your depression. Meds are not there to make you not care anymore. You will be able to think more clearly and be able to analyse how you are feeling in certain situations. Since there is no one-size-fits-all scenario with meds, it may take a couple of attempts to find the one that's right with you.
As far as uyour wife is concerned, I totally sympathise with you - my abuser caused my depression in childhood and when I was dealing with this later in life I was told by that abuser to "get over it," "other people have real problems," "there's nothing wrong with you," etc. It was more than exasperating - it was enraging. As your wife, she should be supporting you through this. Since she is not, I would suggest you address this problem without discussing it with her. If the subject comes up, change the subject. When you are feeling better you can asess her attitude and decide whether she needs an education in sensitivity. Good luck to you, david, I hope you find peace within yourself.