This is clearly not the group for me!

Posted , 14 users are following.

While I think this group is brilliant for anyone struggling after a knee replacement when they're having difficulties, I've come to the conclusion it is definitely not the group for me.  There is so much negativity.  While I totally understand that for some, especially people who are more likely to seek out a group for support because they have problems, it's ideal, the suggestion that it's normal to have excrutiating pain from a knee replacement I just will never agree with.  Yes, some may well have severe pain, but many will not and many will not struggle as is SO OFTEN suggested on here.  I recommended this group to someone waiting for a knee replacement and they ended up at their doctors with depression because they were frightened out of their mind by what they'd read on here.   I was horrified when they told me.   I would NEVER, therefore, recommend it to anyone who is going to have a knee replacement.  I don't see any point at all in working someone up to a state of anxiety before an operation.  I feel it's morally wrong.  I have met some wonderful people on here, who will be in my thoughts.   Marilyn - I hope you get a date soon!  But I've also met the most arrogant that I've come across in all my life and when their words are directed at the vulnerable this can do severe damage.  As we've seen, one lady thinking of putting off her knee op because she'd been frightened by a person on this group, and also the chap who wrote 'shame on you' for frightening him so much before his knee replacement that he found very tolerable.  I can't - won't - be part of a group that I believe KNOWS they are frightening people before an operation by telling them 'you are likely to get this pain that is hell' and so on.  There seems to be a lack of concern when someone has expressed their anxiety from what has been said to them on here - just a justification of 'well this will happen to you'.  Even when someone said recently how well it was going they were told not to get too cocky.  As a group to help people who have difficulties, it's ideal, but for someone about to go into an operation there is no balance at all and they would be better to steer well clear.

I do wish all of you with diffulties a good recovery and I'm sure at the end of it you'll be very pleased that you got your knee replacement.  At three months post TKR my knee gives me no trouble at all, and it's felt very natural for weeks.  For those thinking of having a TKR, I personally had virtually no pain, stopped painkillers on the second day and everything has gone like a dream - it couldn't have been better, and I'm looking forward to the next knee being done soon.  PLEASE, if you're thinking of having the operation, keep in mind that more people seek out a group because they need support because they are the ones with difficulties, where the ones without any problems, more often than not, don't go online to talk about it, but just get on with their lives, enjoying their new knee, with wonderful mobility and lack of the horrible pain of arthritis.

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19 Replies

  • Posted

    Sorry to hear your experience chris and that you are going to sign off.

    ?I hope that I have never put anyone off with all my problems - I know I have asked for help and advice and just had a moan about stuff - like many that was why I joined and I'd never tell anyone else what to do or expect. Or I hope it is not seen that way.

    ?I'm not sure why someone would join here and read through the posts relating to post op problems when they are at pre op stage - or is it that it is a pre op discussion onto which post op people are jumping on the thread and commenting?

    ?Onine it is very hard to discuss things the way you can in real life situations, sometimes comments just come over badly. I have seem many people take offence and get upset - on other sites more than here. I've been told off for what I meant in good faith but worded a bit off as we cannot who is reading and what their state of mind is at the time.

    ?On another site, someone also said they were thinking of cancelling the op due to people being negative. But people with issues are more likely to post as we all know. There should be no intended aggression or bullying. I did feel that I should maybe not post my difficulties on the other groups in case of upsetting someone. Then once, someone turned on me for being positive!

    ?Take care x

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  • Posted

    Hi Chris

    Sorry you are feeling this way . I am bit confused though .

    Here is my take on this site . May 19 last year had a PKR . At 11 days I posted in desperation of some support . Received amazing and I mean amazing help and support . After about 8 weeks I was pretty much home free and did terrific with recovery, and it's the best thing I ever did having surgery. I'm having some swelling here recently and came back on again for help which I received .

    Sorry I didn't respond to your friend . I have nothing but positive things to say about the surgery. I mean it is difficult at first and it is painful too so that is all true .

    I also agree that people with issues will post more than those doing well .

    Tell your friend to have the surgery . No two people are the same , so many factors determine recovery.

    Just wanted to share my thoughts

    Debbie xo

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    • Posted

      Hey Debbie,

      I echo your post. When i found this site, i was in a pickle. I got great support. Over the last 5 months, i read some, skip others, responded to a direct question or offered advice on my research. I stayed away a bit when it was not what i was looking for. Then i realized EVERYONE, good and bad, gave me hope, warnings and support. So as bad stuff happened, i didnt freak out. I realize some have it REALLY BAD, and im grateful its not me. But i found them inspirational that they were still going on with life. I was jealous of the ones who never really hurt but they gave me hope of getting better.

      Chris, you offered a lot of questions for thought and opened some good dialogue. Its a shame you're signing off. I hope your other knee goes as well as the first.

      I was expected to rtn to work at 2 months post bilateral pkr. It took 6 1/2months. I work 12hr days. I have done 3 shifts. Its really HARD, but doable. The swelling happens, the soreness,not pain, kicks in and the ache makes me cringe at times from my hip muscles getting tight. If i can stretch all is well, but i cant at work x for lunchtime.

      Be kind to your body. Treat it well. My surgeon said i have a probability that THIS type of knee replacement could possibly last not 25 but 30 yrs! I can only hope. In the meantime, I'll offer what help i can to encourage others in navigating these crazy waters. Grateful this site was here when i was at my wits end. The message i recd loud and clear was


      Best of luck Chris.

      AuntE G

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  • Posted

    PS forgot to add, this group has been so supportive to me when I have had some dark days and been at the end of my tether.

    ​As have people on the other groups, made some lovely pals.

    ​Thanks for your input and posts Chris and sorry that your friend got a scary experience, hope they will not hold it against you for signposting  them. You will be missed, hope you will still check in now and then x

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  • Posted

    Thank you for all your input Chris! That is sad news about your friend, I hope they feel better now. My pain was excellently controlled, I had gentle physiotherapy from people who never forced my knee or even touched it, and yet some people have had more aggressive physical therapy and poor pain management. I guess we all have very diverse experiences. If you do go ahead with writing your own story i am sure it will be immensely helpful to many, and i look forward to reading it! Please contact me through my website and let me know what you call it so i can locate it! Very best wishes! X
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  • Posted

    Oh Chris you can't leave us!! Who else will start all those excellent debates.?!

    Yes I know there is a lot of negativity out there but also a lot of very good sense, a lot of which has come from your direction.

    Yes I should think those who have had no problems have not sought out this forum, why would they?

    But alongside the negativity there has to be positivity or we will become very one dimensional! Not good!

    But you must do what you must do & I wish you all the best & hope your operation goes well. I don't suppose you have a date yet??

    Of everyone on here I would like to call you friend & say I will miss your input.

    I will also say that having TKR was the BEST thing I ever did! Not too bad a time of it & no more pain!! Still can't get back to see surgeon until October but I am prepared to wait!!

    After the way the London hospitals, once again, stepped up to the mark, I am so proud of our NHS. We sometimes give it a slating but really we are all so very lucky to have it.



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  • Posted

    I think you will find that several on here have said that everyone is different . Not everyone has severe pain or problems . Most will have some pain which can be easily controlled with the correct medication . I'm sure people have been helped by reading the comments here .

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  • Posted

    Hi Chris. It's been my experience that some of us get great results and some of us do not. It's also been my experience that people post their comments here in good faith. Being of average intelligence I discount the stuff I don't need and specifically research for myself, any area that needs more than general information. I believe you have judged the people on here and they do not all meet your expectations. They won't ever. Because we are all just posting our take on a horrendous operation for many of us. You are entitled to believe what you want but also please know that this place has saved many from worry and stress. You seem to be one of the lucky ones who have recovered well. In the real world, at least my real world, it's a 50/50 shot. Good fortune to you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Chris!

    I will miss you! We had some nice conversations here!

    Wishing you continued success!

    If you want to talk, just send me a private message.

    Sending prayers of hope, calm, strength, and love tonight!❤️

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  • Posted


    How is speaking honestly about our experiences with TKR negative?   


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    • Posted

      There are some comments on here that could give people the impression that everyone having a tkr will be in agony after . That is not the case , many have moderate pain , some have little pain and unfortunately some suffer bad pain . With proper care and medication pain can usually be controlled . We are all different , what one experiences is not the same for others . I have had far worse pain from other problems than from tkr . There is no one size fits all with tkr , or any other medical problems . Unfortunately not enough people who have not had a bad time come here to tell about their experience. 
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    • Posted

      Totally agree, David. I have visited this forum on many occasions when I needed support from others who had been through the same experience. I think it's extremely rare for anyone who has had a tkr to be pain free after only two days. Chris has been extremely fortunate but it's most certainly not the norm. Anyone who has posted about their own experience can only be honest and say it like it is! What is the point in doing otherwise?!

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  • Posted

    Hi Chris I've been thinking a lot about you these past few days. Can't seem to send you a PM hope your ok?

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