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This is hard to understand.

Posted , 2 users are following.

rich32120
rich32120

I must have a weird personality or not one at all. Because since a kid i never could fully understand how people wake up and just go through life. Like listening to music, the clothes they wear, favorite car and so on. It seems so naturally for everyone to just enjoy things and not question it. For exAmple my brother use to listen to Lil Wayne and it blew my mind how he burned a variety of his songs on one disc, because I was like man he is smart with this. I know now that he looked into and did the work to find those songs. But for me when I research into anything it feels forced and i dont go into detail with it. It goes like that for everything like no matter what topic I look into it doesnt feel natural to me. I could blame it on my poor attention span and memory, Idk. I feel like I have no personality. I cant hold a conversation about anything because im ignorant to pretty much most things in life, but i cant force myself to like things or even act interested. So after a day of depressing and confusing thinking at work I go home to do,nothing. Because I dont even get enjoyment front my dog anymore, but once she is gone it will depress me. I dont understand anything about this at all. Its almost like my mind sets me up to feel. I started counseling and waiting on a psychiatrist at the moment. Family support isnt a real option because people dont know what to say. My mom has her own depression and issues so she cant help, and my brother just gets frustrated because he can just go through life and get the most out of a situation

1 like, 25 replies

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  • pistal666
    pistal666 rich32120

    Posted

    Hello Rich, Do you mind me asking how old you are? Im guessing 13? If you are young and feel like this, It could be a sign that every day life is boring to you. I would take this as a sign that you have a calling to break away from the social norm of the rat race. You will have to aim higher to satisfy yourself. Don't be worried about things not making sense and having a short attention span, things will fall into place when you find your niche.
    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      Fail* not feel. Im 17, when I was younger I was able to still feel emotions and could be happy. I did get to extreme points of boredom though because I avoided leaving my house because I was normally in front of a TV, after 3rd grade is when my social life declined because I was boring and quiet around people. I was and still am kinda an a**hole forwards people especially happy people because I cant understand how they dont let stuff bring them down. And i judge other people the same way with their attitudes but yet am miserable myself, because like I said it feels forced when I try to get interested into something. But cant stand doing nothing because how depressing it is. I could have a mental disorder or be mentally lazy. At this point in my life it feels to late for help, because a 13 year hold can be a better overall person than me. Im like an old person without memory recall,friends or interest
    • pistal666
      pistal666 rich32120

      Posted

      No worries Dude, I hope you didn't take anything I said the wrong way?

      smile

    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      No i didn't take offence to what you said, but to answer your question im 17
    • pistal666
      pistal666 rich32120

      Posted

      You are going to feel bored around people when you don't have any interest in what they are talking about. A mental dissorder is a label you could do without so soon. Speak to your Psychiatrist but you may find that you can't relate them either. Before I was diagnossed with Bi polar dissorder, my attention span was just like yours and I started to heavily self medicate and lost myself for a good 8 years and urge you not to go the same route. I suggest that if your Doc/Psychiatrist says that you don't have any major mental health issues then when you turn 18/feel comfortable with doing so, get out of your situation and go Traveling, find yourself. 
  • pistal666
    pistal666 rich32120

    Posted

    I'm sorry for the assumption, It was just that I felt that way when I was younger. Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? Are you in the UK or USA, Just so I can understand your health service. You come across intelligent just unforfilled. You don't mention any trauma, what can you imagine your Psychiatrist saying?  
    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      Well my first reply is there, but my last one disappeared
    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      Im in the u.s and i could go down the list of my parents fighting. My dad cheating on my mom. Both my parents neglecting me because I isolated myself. My dad kicking us out and moving around for a year, to end duo back at my dads. The list can go on. Plus in 2014 my o.d on heroin. But if I can explain my self to a psychiatrist. The typically depression and anxiety. Maybe bi polar, but honestly I think im just luney in the head. Especially after smoking k2 heavily and weed
    • pistal666
      pistal666 rich32120

      Posted

      I don't need to tell you what K2 does to you, Try and not let the drugs define who you are. You are in a cage, your bound to do drugs and there is nothing wrong with that, just learn about what you are taking before you take it so you don't get any nasty supprises. You have to look on the brighter side of your situation, your 17, as far as I can tell, your not a fully captured adidict, you can be who you choose to be. No ties, no commitments. You don't have to live upto anyone elses ideal, only your own. And if you don't know what that is yet, have fun trying to find out.
    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      I know, which is a major problem because if you cant even fake interest then what can you offer. Im not even interested in myself. Ive been off k2 since December and just now coping decently with my last relationship. I feel like im not myself or cant accept myself. Either way im not comfortable with myself. Especially with how my mind is socially. It offers nothing
    • pistal666
      pistal666 rich32120

      Posted

      I can't imagine having done much by 17 that would really help to define  yourself socially? You don't come preprogramed with a load of interesting conversations. It may be that you are suffering from depression, maybe genetics or through the weed and the sh1tty K2. In which case you may need meds to help you through,, but these come with some side effects, which I'm sure you can do without. Just because you may feel awkward in some social situations, dosen't mean you have nothing to offer. Your managing to converse on here ok, Some can't, a suprising number can't.
    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      And you would be completely right with both of those. The only friends I have right now are my brothers and a person I grew up with. That's probably my only option these days. This is honestly the only way I can communicate well. Because in person I can never think of what to say unless its way to late, or a made up sitiauton
  • pistal666
    pistal666 rich32120

    Posted

    How you doing bud?

     

    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      Somewhat better, my moods and perspectives are still quickly shifting. Im coming to terms that my k2 addiction may have really messed with me. And I may have autism because today I've been able to somewhat view my past and it would make sense. So now my obstacles are coping with my depression and maybe autism.
    • pistal666
      pistal666 rich32120

      Posted

      Spot on mate, K2 seems to be out of the way now, its banned over here. you sound more leveled. When you got to get help, specialists will try and give you a load of self help tools and alot will seem stupid (alot are) but give them a go, you will be thankful for the ones that do work. You will come out of this on the other side alot stronger for it. I wish you well Bud. Al
    • rich32120
      rich32120 pistal666

      Posted

      Yeah k2 has been banned here for awhile now and pretty dirty on how people make it and obtain it. To be honest I still feel unhuman. In the sense that my mind is blank and still very slow on retaining information. And that everything seems the same in value and gives me no pleasure and my lack of emotions. I can't tell you truthfully that I have always been like this, but for the most part I have been off with stuff most of my l life. I wish I could just expose my mind to people so they would understand this. And hopefully once I see my psychiatrists I can start feeling human again. Because this state of blank mind freaking sucks. But I have to he patient with recovery.
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