Those who know first hand please help me!!

Im male, my name is Jaime, feel like i know a few people now, yeah, thats true , can t feel worse than this today.

Hi Katy/Lou, how r u this morning, didnt feel too bad until my mother reeled off her usual quota of sacrcasm, wow, she knows how to make me feel good, cannot take much more of it, nothing ever positive is said, just snipe, snipe, snipe at the time, then she wonders why i sit in my room on my own most of the time, she just does not get it, feel so trapped because until divorce is sorted i cannot do a thing, i even get sarcy comments over that, please , please , please fast forward my life by 12 months, must be better than this crap. My daughter had a great birthday , she sounded really happy which was lovely, she got a bike which she really wanted, hope you both have a good day, sorry to start the day off going on and on again, we all have our problems, take care jaime

Hi Ja, sorry to hear you are still not good.

Me neither. I am just so sensitive at the moment..maybe its pmt...or something....maybe....

Mothers!! I think I have a special mum, but sometimes her tourettes syndrome ( well thats what I am calling it) gets in the way!

Today I was standing , waiting, waiting, and yes...waiting for the teacher to take the kids into school. I hate waiting!!!!! Then this woman, who I thought was my friend, indeedy, I am sure she was only trying to make my dour face happy shouts,\"isnt life wonderful\" , at the top of her voice, and her and her other pal run of laughing/

\"F..u.k Off!!!!!!!!!!!\" I hate that, I was feeling soooo sh...i..t anyway......like...maybe it would be better if I just throw myself of the top floor of Ocean Terminal......but then some poor sod would have to clean up the mess!!

I was on such a high yesterday, and now I feel so crap!!!!!I dont want to do anything, talk to anyone, watch anything, be on my own, be with someone. I dont know, I think I need a few of those people to come and collect me with that straight jacket!!!!! But bloody hell ...I would havw to f...ing wait!!!!!!!

Anyway, it can only get better!!1(Calm , calm calm)

Katy

Hi Katy, sorry u feel liek this today and that u had a panic attack, i suffered bad with these when it 1st happened, I take propanalol 10 ml and they have really worked, i dont know if u take these but may be worth speaking to your doctor, deep breaths etc try and make sure u have someone about, take care of yourself, jaime

Hi ja, hope you are okay?

I was thinking about your experiences,and I think you have been a strong person! When I was little, my whole world collapsed when I watched my mum and dad throw knives at one and another/

,Maybe , though , you still love your ex, maybe you have done the best thing , in your childrens intersests! They will propbably have double a good christmas! I dont know , but I have had such a bad day, partner does not really understand!! He has never lost anyone really close, and I have. I am so scared of how he is going to take his dads death....I can see it coming.. his dad has this look in his eyes..of complete given upness...im soooo worried about this! my kids love their grandad .. I think he is a good guy too.. Ive never been able to get over my grandads death.....he did look after me for 5 yrs as a child///my mum had pnd...after having me! imiss him sooo much, esp at christmas!

Maybe you could stop torturing yourself for your kids comng from a broken home. Its probably more common than not. Even though yu miss them, you are still there for them , and that is the most important thing!

I feel so cut just now. I want to be a good mum and bla bla bla, but i feel like such a failure! My relationship is awful if i wa honest! i feel so sad that i am even on this pill///it make me feel like I have become the victim...which I have!

having brrn stalked and attacked, with no one close to help makes me sick, having been their for everyone else in their time of need makes me feel even more gutted.

I helped this woman cross the road today she blurted out her life story....I just wanted to do the same!

Do I make any sense! I am so frightened of the future now! So far I wish the NHS had never kept me alive....I wish I ahd been that ovarian sist!

Hi Katy, blimey, you have got alot on your plate, please belive you are strong as well, u r, the fact that u have had all this happen to u and u r still going is a testament 2 u, I thought my world was at an end several weeks ago but a little light at end of tunnel now, , u sound really kind as well, dont feel bad about the tablets, I thought this but i really do think they help. cant talk too long, just got into work, deep breaths stay calm, take care ja

Hi Katy/Ja....my goodness I read your two stories and it really does make me think. My depression is on a different scale- im completely off balance and im sure with councilling I will find out where the problem has triggered from- but I havent lost anything and god forbid nothing majorly life changing has happened to me, its all just gone a bit weird. You two both sound so kind- and Katy I can see an underlying sense of humour there which you should never let go of. Both of you seem to be so consumed with how others are acting towards you and how others feel but for you both you need to start focusing on you. You both deserve the best in life you really do!

Keep with it

Lou

xxx

Hi Lou, its good to hear from you! The thing is, I think you are just very very clever! Thats the problem!

I dont know, you say you dont know why you feel so very low, but I dont really know why I am now. I know people that have been through a lot more than myself....and they seem so much stronger...I just cant handle my emotions!!!!! I dont know why all this sh..t has caught up with me! I hate feeling like this....I want to be happy! And even though I feel as though someone close has died....no one has....even though nothing makes any sense....maybe i am not busy enough!!!!

Anyway, I thnik you are just too intelligent and mature! Hope that makes you feel better! Hope you find a cause..soon!!!

Luv Katy

hi there, me again, both of u right, even when i had it all i still used to hate my life and my thoughts, y ? Lou, yes couselling may b able to unlock what makes u feel like this, saw a new counsellor on Monday, for me wasted my time, when i started on about my head and thoughts felt like even they didnt get me. You sound very on control of life apart from this problem, prob a bit like myself, the fact that u cant succeed and control these thoughts intensifies the feelings, what u say does make alot of sense. Katy, u have had so much to deal with, apart from my break up i have had a fairly trouble free life, i am lucky, u have had so so much to deal with, take credit for bringing up your children etc, all of us wants to b happy, i really hope one little thing happens for u soon to lift u, take care both of u, ja

8) Hi there guys!

What I told you last night is probably only :the tip of the iceberg: as our wee friend Freud would put it!!

Today, I have been feeling a bit better, now that I have let someeof my steam out of my system...but it is never going to go away.

As a child, I was always insecure. I had 2 comfort blankets and sucked my thumb! I have still got my comfort blankets, though they have kind of dissolved into something which looks like a new enemy! My partner thinks they are funny and slags me of about it. (He he , llike I care!!)

I still cannot sleep, I am thinking about taking that prescription to the chemist for sleeping pills. I need sleeep!!

My ocd has tamed itself, I no longer check three times to make sur the door is locked, I no longer check to make sure that the george foreman grilll is switched of, in fact, now I deliberatley leave lights on!

(Good Move). Anyway, what I cant get my head around is so matter of fact, but at the same time, I do not understand why everything has fallen on top of me now, when people, like my mum need me the most. I am so tired if being needed. But then again, if my mum could just for 1 minute say she was proud of me, maybe then, things would start to turn around!

My mum lost her mum when she was eight. My auunt, who died, when I was 14, never got over it! Now we all ahve to bare the consequences, I dont blame my aunt, she had a horrible death! She died just before my grandad did. She was diagnised with shingles, but had breast cancer! I feel guilty about this, as i was the one that had chickenpox, and the twist is that my sister and mum had nearly died in a car accident just before all of this. My mum suffered from ptsd, me and my sister used to chase the good looking psych docs out the door, cause we were so fed up! My aunt died within a period of 5 weeks.

But moreso, wee both miss her , incredibly, She was a big lady, she could not have chikldren. She adopted, and now, her son is back in touch after having a really horrible experience himself. It just made me so sad.

I wish she was here, so |I could talk!

Luv Katy

Fine then. No one wants to talk to me.

My mum has the docs today, she is taking her photographs with her. Piles!!! She believes this is what she has, docs are ignoring her and wanting to open her up again. This does not seem right?

I just read a horrible true life story, about someone who lost their mum to a duodenal ulcer....how do you get them? ( Its not stress, is it?) God, not so good!!!!

I wonder how my mum took tjhose phiotos? Must have been quite difficult!!!!

Nice to hear from you lot....as my child would say....Not! Sorry, completely lost the plot, this train has fallen of its tracks and is going somewhere else, like planet Jupiter....maybe theyll be more normal people there, maybe they want give me weirdo looks, or,,,,bla bla bla,,,, god why do I bother...why o...why o...why?

Bloody bad mood now ...and I am of to the bloody bank to sort out bloody xmas/////did I have to be a part of that child benefit fraud thing....oh yes....just my bloody luck...Ba Humbug!!!! Tahnk you very much.. Just Sods Law

Hi Katy, at work mate so only just logged on, as Lou said , keep the humour in u, i do wonder how she took those photos, did u ask ??? dont worry about true life stories, if u worry about everything u read, my god doesnt bear thinking about, Katy, u do have us lot to talk to, now on line at home so i can log on there, u havent lost the plot, u just need to rationalise if u cam your thoughts and work on one issue at a time, I know i know it sounds easy, who the hell am i to talk, sort out the bank, one less thing to worry about, just try and stay calm, deep breaths and blurt it out on here, everyone on here cares , sorry must go,at work , take care JA

Hi all, can only get on this site at work. Well since changing medication so far so good, it feels a lot better- the other day I didnt even manage it out of my flat which was quite scary but Im happy for today that that feeling is over for a day and maybe I can have a good weekend.

Katy- hope your day gets a bit better- get the blasted bank out the way and then hopefully if the sun is shining where you are try and enjoy a brighter day...- is that really crap advice?? ha me thinks so but I know what I mean, when the suns out it can lighten it all a little in my head no no im not a simpleton but when its grey it just infuses the situtaion with dullness!- if you need to rant more go ahead and I dont think any of us should apologise or feel guilty about how we feel, its just one of those things at the mo.

xx

:cry: It just gets bloddy better!!!!

My poor mum....do those bloddy docs think there plumbers....shes not a f..ing toilet, jusyt another statistic...marker ERROR!!! For god sake, she has been told that she has what looks like bladder prolapse, but instead of going with bupa, she has to go back to that bloody hospital thats millions of miles away from anyone,,,,no....not again!!!! Because its the hospitals mistake. This is not right!!!

Sorry, I am not bitter...huh. really upset....how dare they!!!!! Worse, she is being admitted to Murrayfield on Friday for an op. This hell is never going to end!!!!

Of to the bank now.....what next!!!!I could say :it can only get better\" , but too frightened!!!

Take care., sorry about earlier!!!Katy

katy, sorry to hear about your mum, y hasnt she gone with bupa? is that option available to u ? have u got alot of support from your partner, hope so, try and b strong, pls try and hold on to something good will happen to u soon, i know u probably cant see it, but u always can chat to us ....take care of yourself , make sure u do that.

Lou, glad your new medication is working for u, lets hope it levels your feelings out a bit, i really do, i agree about the sunshine, im like that all year round, nice sunney days always perks your feelings up, enjoy your upbeat day, keep going, as for my , got my divorce petition going, bitter sweet feeling but at least its moving along, got to move on, not hold on to past, seeing my best mate tomorrow, back from KL , havent seen him for 4 months, so have that to look forwardto, any time u need a chat log on, take care JA