Those who know first hand please help me!!

Blimey..right..had no idea that there were 3 pages to our conversation!! and ive missed out on loads of it!! ha, oh well here you all are..on page 3- makes sense now. Yes bit of a bad week for me mainly due to crying all the time?? Ive been VERY high and very low and what makes it worse when Im out those stupid people who look at you like your a total FREAK that you dont have a glass of wine in your hand!!

Plus boy situations are literally driving me insanse!

John Boy- Im in my 20s..have everything going for me 'APPARENTLY' but my brain is making me think otherwise. Its all a bit weird isnt it! right at this moment I feel high..I bet you anytime soon I will be low..its exhausting. Think im going to go have a chat with someone next week.

Anyways glad to read the other day that 'depression is like the common cold of mental health' I suppose we are just lucky we have found a little 'D' crew on here and we can help each other through it..If I dont laugh ill cry

xx

Hi Lou, gald u r back, your week sounds like most of ours on here, some highs and very lows, as u can see by reading the conversations everyone seems to be experiencing the same issues in one way or another. One question i do have is that when i am very low at the moment and sometimes angry with life why cannot i not cry, is the citalpram working or is that i am coming to terms with my situation? i was high like you earlier today as for once i communicated with my wife and it didnt descend into an argument, a fe moments after that i have remorse and am on a downer of why we got to where we are, again though i wanted to cry but couldnt. One thing that does help is logging onto here and airing our thoughts and trying to help each other. I am seeing a counsellor, long story but i am starting a new 12 week session this tuesday , i dont know if it helps long term but just that 1 hour a week helps to blurt out my feelings at that precise time, not alot sticks but somethings she says does so i suppose its progress, take care JA

Hi Lou, its Katy. I felt like you to when I first started taking the pills, but now I seem to be down, like underneath the titanic! Anyway, I dont know if it is just paranoia, but I feel like I am being watched all the time, and yes, like you, think people are thinking.....lokk at the f.r.e.a.k!!!

I am older than you and I always thought this was maybe a young person-thing to do, but well, this has never gone for me.

I just feel like there are so many people that look so happy and that are in so much control of their lives. The theres me, other people control me!

katy- oh yes..other peoples happiness I hate to admit fules a lot of my downers. My mate has just got a wicked job and my other one a boyfriend..should be pleased and im entirely the opposite!! I wish I could get the balance back and I also wish I had patience, If I could wish for anything it would be a big fat pile of patience....

but have just spent a LOAD of money on my lunch because I can and its friday : )

I hope everyone here does excercise. It does help and gives you reason to focus on something else and gets you moving which I can honestly say If I didnt do I would be even more down.

Im sticking with my tablets and really trying with this like we all should. Im at the stage where I am lucky because I havent lost anything ( yet) which I know sadly a couple of us on here have. Im definately going to talk to someone although the hardest thing is is that I think mine stems from having a broken heart - which is both stupid and tragic in one.

hello everyone, sitting here at work on a friday afternoon, got my kids this weekend, daughters birthday , but feel really crap. Since my wife was ok with me this morning cant stop feeling what ive lost and keep thinking of all the good times. Just went outside cause i thouht i was going to get upset, just hate feeling like this, miss my old life so much, more than ever my head is racing with thoughts, cant but just feeling like getting totally hammered tonight, i thought i was moving on but when i feel like this feel so down, 2 hours to go and i see my kids, miss them so much, just looking at calender of how little i have them this month and it really efs me off, just sitting here feeling sorry for myself, problem is that when i do look forward to something it never lasts for long, better try and do some work JA

hello all, how was the weekend ? katy, how did the application go? had a lovely weekend with kids, especially taking my daughter out for her birthday, also had a good chat with ex over kids, going to sort out more access, the problem is that ever since that call i have been down. I miss my ex so much, after dropping kids off this morning, i cried all the way to work and also when i got into work, went to toilet to cry, just feel so so low, like i did when it all happened, thought these days were behind me, even now i feel i could cry, all the highs of weekend has gone and i feel like this again, just hate life. ja

Hi Ja , chin up....think about your happy kids. (Huh, I can talk).

Apllication......what a mess!!!!!! Dont care anymore. Apparently you should only apply to be a teacher after all else has failed!!!! Do you think this is true? I am beginning to think it is. Last year, mu mums classroom burnt down....and that was a nightmare for her , colleagues and the good students. So I dont know what I am doing?

I dont really feel like talking today. Just want to keep zipped up, everyone else seems so normal, happy, able to cope, non alcies, non druggies. Everybody else seem to be so in control,. Everybody else, I want to be everybody else....I dont want to be me anymore!!!!

Oh..so cheerful! I cant be bothered with christmas. no no no not again. I hate christmas!!!!!!

Sorry Ja, I think I have completely lost the plot!!!!!

Take care , Katy

Hey...Katy/JA you dont sound too good today : ( look, 'everyone' else is such a general term isnt it- my goodness Ive said it and felt it so much recently but really and truly when you start talking to people its not so black and white. I dont believe 'everyone' else is coping its just we have balances in our brains that switches off reasoning- trust me these are not demon thoughts, what we are feeling is purely a result of chemical inbalances in the brain, the chemicals dont have feelings- they dont think you deserve to feel awful. Your not freaks, your not weird theres a whole group of us on here, one of many!

I know its hard im living with it too but unfortunately life doesnt owe you a living and we have to fight it and work it out, because once we come out of it (which we will do) we will be stronger than ever...you need to find your inspiration and motivation and let it help you on your way whatever it maybe, other people can take a back seat at the moment....

I mean it in the best possible way I honestly do

xxx

oh and the above was from me, Lou123

x

Hi Lou and Katy, i think the citalopram is addressing the chemical inbalances, maybe thats why im not so emotional apart from yesterday. its my daughters birthday today, spoke to her this morning, god i felt sh*t, she was so excited about her presents and i wasnt there, what will xmas morning be like, i wll never get used to this, i brought them into this world and its not fair, even if i look forward its never going to be like what i had , feel like ive had the best of life and all that i have left will be worse from now on, another down day, 3 weeks to xmas as well, 4 weeks to my anniversary when i met my ex, god what a life, but atleast i have you guys to ramble to, my mum just doesnt get me, its my babies birthday and she asks me this morning, whats up you look down, what the hel do you think is up i said, and it goes on from there, down and down, must go, just into work, take care ja

well Ive been given a different one to try but will still stay with the group regardless of the title!!

today is a bad day, have cried all this morning

is this EVER going to end??

sorry non postive today- hope eveyone else is ok ( can you see my ups and downs!!)

LOU123

xxx

:lol: Hi Ja, that was funny!!!! Your mother sounds just like mine. You can screanm buildings down, practically cutting your head of your neck bla dee bloody bla......but whoops....no response....god knows...I dont want to sound ungrateful fall all her working hard effforts.....but will you...just listen!!!!

Do you get what I mean? Mothers...oh ....thats me!!!!

I went to woolies today.....go there....millions of half price toys at the mo!!!!! Thank gos......ba humbug....!Lidls is good to. Well it took my mind of stuff, includiong the fact that \"Mr Horizontal\" is still in bed....He never gets up....when he does ...he will expect his shitty breakfast......duck of and go get a decent job!!!!! Who is he? Whats he doing in my house???/

Whoops ....I forgot....How did that happen????

Christmas is sooooo sooooooo soooooo stressful!!!! Anyway, ja, I hope you get to see more of your kids. You sound like a good dad, you sound like you actually deserve them....unlike Mr Zippy......

Hi Lou / Katy, Lou, hope this new medication works for u, so like me, just get one of those days when all seems so bleak, as u said earlier, just got to appreciate those high days, i know its awful when u get like this, just cannot stop feeling like no matter how hard u try, take care of yourself. Katy, mums....i know she means well but she just doesnt understand, coz im not crying every day she thinks im ok now, same as dad, if only they knew how bad i feel inside and in my head.I used to love Xmas , hate it now, its about kids to me and i wont see them xmas morning, im doing shopping on line, cant face seeing all those people shopping and all those couples, just compounds the pain, thanks for your comments , yeah i am a good dad but feel for my kids as they now come from a broken home and daddy is no longer there, alot of guilt. hope u and your partner improve, who am i to comment, take care ja

Hi Lou/Ja. How are you both?

I dont know what is up with me today! I am mocking everything....which makes me lasugh....but I feel really nervous.....and I dont know why/

Have either of you felt this way before?

Ja, I am sorry to hear that you feel you have hurt the kids. I think though that you maybe torturing yourself with your guilt. I think you should try and stop that...your kids may play on it....making everything seem so much worse. Remeber how intuitive they are!

Anyway, I hope you all get better soon. I am going to buy a real christmab tree this year.....I dont care what Mr horizontal has to say about it

hi ja

sorry if i missed the answer but are you male or female, i always try to put a picture in my head with the person writing the comment and you are confusing me.

it don't take alot these days.

chin up. its got to get better