Thought I was doing so well...

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I've been on Cit. for 9 weeks now for anxiety, started on 10mg for 5 weeks & after a very rocky start it definitely started taking the edge off, then went up to 20mg for the past 4 weeks with no side effects at all & I felt it was working very well. I've also been having counselling for the duration and felt it was going great. Yesterday I visited my GP & made a plan to get back to work (I've been off since January), got my meds put on a repeat prescription & didn't need to go back to see her until June as I was doing so well, I'm also due to finish counselling next week. During the night I woke up with the beginnings of a panic attack which I managed to halt before it started with some relaxation and other techniques but today the anxiety has returned with a loss of appetite and constantly running to the toilet. I'm feeling so angry & upset as I really felt I'd worked really hard to get better, I'm also worried that I'll never get back to work! Any words of encouragement would be very much appreciated, x

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  • Posted

    Hi. I'm I'm my 5th week of 20mg and have had a mix of good and bad days where my stomach has been upset etc. The therapist told me the road to recovery is bumpy and there will be setbacks where you feel bad for a day or 2 but it's all part of recovery. I'm having a bad day today but I'm trying not to let it get to me and been telling myself it's just a setback.

    Do you think you may be thinking about work? That could have added some anxiety. I'm sure it's just a setback though x

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    • Posted

      I'm sure it's no coincidence lyns42 that the night after I've discussed going back to work it's returned. But I take a lot of comfort from the number of people on here who manage to work through it & I have to go back soon anyway for financial reasons. One tip I discovered on here is to take your Cit with Actimel in the morning, I've barely had any tummy symptoms & I think it's due to that x
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    • Posted

      I returned to work on mon for s few hours after 8 weeks off but am anxious about it each day I go in. I had tummy troubles before I started cit , doc saying it's ibs from anxiety so hoping if my anxiety calms my tummy will. However starting on these made my tummy worse for a week or so and now I seem to have a very gurgly gassy stomach which I'm not sure is connected to cit.

      When r u due back in work? X

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    • Posted

      I'm due back Fri 6th May. I'll have been off for 4 months by then so I know it's completely natural to feel anxious about going back, but I was really looking forward to going back, it felt like the last step in my recovery and I want everything to go back to normal - aaaargh, I feel like my mind is letting the rest of me down!!!
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    • Posted

      You will get there. Im always wanting things to go back to normal but I need to accept it won't be for a while. X
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  • Posted

    This is normal.  Recovery comes in waves - it's not a straight forward gradual recovery.  You'll get many setbacks/blips along the way - try and relax during them and just let them be there - they'll certainly want to have their say.  In time you'll find you'll be steered back to feeling ok again.

    K x

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    • Posted

      Thanks katecogs, it would much easier if I wasn't feeling the pressure to get back to work. I certainly feel as though this blip hasn't been as bad as previous episodes. I had thought the Cit would stop this happening but I have to accept that this isn't the case. It's hard to relax while trying to look after the house & 2 kids but I'm doing my best. Your advice is much appreciated x
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    • Posted

      Hey Kirsty!

      I think your anxiety about going back is completely normal and to be expected. Going back after any time away is tough. Ease yourself back in, allow yourself to have bumps and setbacks, use all the tools you have in your belt, and be kind to yourself.

      I can relate to the anxiety around work. I have been off a month (I have a super stressful job) and am going back to my doctor next Wednesday. I am TERRIFIED I am going to be forced back even though I 100% do not feel stable on the medication and have only just started seeing a counsellor. I am going to be very honest and ask for another month.

      That said, I KNOW that when I finally do go back, (hopefully not for another month!) that I am going to be experiencing everything you are and be anxious and nervous! It is normal and will get better with time.

      Good luck!

       

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    • Posted

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I have an extremely stressful job also & I don't think I appreciated quite how unwell I'd become. I'm really lucky that I've got such a great GP who's been brilliant about giving me plenty of time off which I really needed. We'll see how things go over the next couple of weeks, I've definitely learned through my counselling though to be much kinder to myself x
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    • Posted

      I was also ill when my children were little - it is tough xx  You don't need to relax completely, but whatever you're doing, try doing it in a relaxed manner ie do it slower, walk slower, drive slower ..... rushing about tenses muscles, which in turn makes you stressed.  It's hard to adopt this approach, but it really does help calm the body down.

      9 weeks is still early days, and it will get easier as time goes by.  It can take many months, but it isn't bad all the way through that time.  Is work pressurising you to go back to work or simply a need of having to go back?  You should take as long as you need - this is an illness, and all illnesses need time to heal.

      Can you ease back into work?  Part-time for a while - would your work allow that?  Can you do a lesser role too - for a while.  Pressure and stress of work won't do you any good.  Adopting the relaxed manner too will help.

      K xx

       

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    • Posted

      Thanks, I'm feeling better now, a couple of good days. I already work part time but I'm going to do a couple of hours visit on Monday just to say hello and get over any initial fear of being away, hopefully that will help 
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    • Posted

      This is how it seems to work.  Recovery comes in waves, so you'll feel up and down for a while.  Every time we get a low patch it can really knock you sideways as we forget just how powerful those intense feelings can be, so when they come flooding back its like 'whoa'!!

      Sounds a good idea calling into work for a visit.  Often once back into the swing of things, being surround with people and back into your routine, it really does help.

      Hops it goes well.

      K xx

       

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    • Posted

      Hi I'm in sixth wk of increasing from 20-30 and started having anxiety again. Is this normal? Should I still be adjusting? I've had lots on and also getting tired so that might contribute.
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    • Posted

      Yes I think it's normal still.  You can have a blip anywhere along the line.  You're still recovering.  Think you've hit the nail on the head when you say you've had lots on lately and getting tired.  You think you're well enough to do these things and seem fine at the time, but you could be pushing your body a little too much too soon maybe?  Try and do these things in a relaxed manner - push yourself, and your body will grumble.

      K xx

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    • Posted

      Yes when I feel good I get heaps done but like you said I'm probably pushing it then I crash. Another thing is overthinking stuff. I'm bad at that. Then I feel anxious. Thanks for your advice.
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    • Posted

      A lot of people make that mistake - start feeling well and then rush about thinking yay oh yay! and do lots ........ only to crash again.  Overthinking is quite normal when youre having a blip - your mind becomes anxious too and your thoughts begin to race.  Usually you think the worst too - anxiety brings negative racing thoughts.  When the anxiety eases so too will the racing thoughts and the negativatity will be replaced with a positive voice.

      Remember it's always 3 steps forward and 2 steps back along the road to recovery.

      You'll soon get back on the right path.

      K xx

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    • Posted

      I hope so. At the mo my head is sore and fuzzy and I know it's cos I'm tired but it makes it hard to get stuff done or relax. Then I get anxious. Worry meds not working.
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    • Posted

      I always start to feel not right when I'm tired.  When I was ill my mind used to overthink, making me anxious, and you get caught in a cycle.  Relaxing is hard to do, but even occasionally just stopping and letting all the tension out is of help.  Doing this isn't going to give you immediate relief, but it helps towards healing.

      The meds are working, even if you don't see it - they're working in the background.

      K x

       

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