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time to put a stop to this life.

Posted , 8 users are following.

stephen7059
stephen7059

I've been dealing with depression on and off now for most of my adult life and I finally have accepted the fact that things don't change when your in my position so have given up on everything and am putting my plan into action for the end of my life. I'm not here for pity as I simply don't care anymore as I've genuinely tried to change my circumstances for the better for years. There is no way out of my predicament, I have no education no job and no way to retrain for a new career at 36 with no money. I've not eaten for 2 days and will be homeless by November. I've had no idea of which route to take regarding future employment for sometime now as I can't stand knowing my life is going to be spent on minimum wage in some warehouse for the rest of my days and it's like a massive weight has been lifted knowing my time here on earth will soon be over. No more pain no more disappointment no more lies to friends that I'm fine, finally I'm in control and it feels great that this is nearly over. My advice to anyone reading this is do everything you can when your young to enjoy your life because when you reach my age the party is over. Good luck to you all ill see you on the other side.

2 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • SkyeBeth
    SkyeBeth stephen7059

    Posted

    Stephen, my heart goes out to you.  Because I didn't seek pofessional help for my depression and anxiety for three years I ended up making my situation a lot worse including resigning from a good job whilst I still had some hefty personal loans.  Now I strugge financially living on a Carer's Pension (for my special needs daughter).  But I've decided to make the most of my situation and am using this opportunity to go back to university to study Occupational Therapy so I can get my dream job working with special needs children.  Down here in Australia we can defer our univeristy payments until we are earning a certain amount.  Can you do that in the UK?  I am 37 and still have another thirty years of working life left so I believe it's definitely not too late to go back to study and change careers.  Two of my friends were in their forties when they went back to univeristy to study teaching.  36 is not too old to change your destination in life.  

    Please keep us all apprised to how you are going.  Wishing you all the best.

    • stephen7059
      stephen7059 SkyeBeth

      Posted

      Hi Beth, thank you for your kind words it's something that really is touching, the fact total strangers are concerned for me I feel very lucky. With regards to education I'm not sure what to do as I've suffered with ADHD and tourette syndrome my whole life and at school couldn't concentrate and apply myself to achieve anything so left school with no GCSE at all. I'm worried i won't be able to complete a course and wouldn't know what course to choose in the first place as my attention jumps from one thing to another. I'm not really an academic in that respect but photography I love and it's something I think about all day, but therein lies the issue. It's such a hard career to get into I'm afraid of trying so had to achieve that goal and having to go through rejection again as maybe I'm not as good as I think, so much self doubt. I keep hoping for something good to happen to me but sadly life can be very cruel. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow for counselling and will try to find the answers to these questions there maybe. Sorry for the long message I'm just bursting with emotions lol take care and I really appreciate your feedback.
  • katie19337
    katie19337 stephen7059

    Posted

    Hi Stephen, 

    i am so pleased to read your decision to pick up your camera again.  Have you considered going to college or do some training courses.  It's all about life long learning nowadays.

    i have done some courses as well as work.  

    I hope all goes well for you, take care and keep in touch xx

    • stephen7059
      stephen7059 katie19337

      Posted

      Hi Katie your message of support is very much appreciated, I feel honoured total strangers are contacting me. My message above to beth covers my issues a little and hopefully with time and some thought ill come out the other side of this. All my love to you and thank you.
  • ozzie1961
    ozzie1961 stephen7059

    Posted

    Dear Stephen;

    it is heart wrenching hearing your story and very simular to my own having suffered with depression from childhood, only to discover in a letter from my mother while visiting family in Australia this year that she didnt want me at all, she hated my father for making her pregnant again and her anger and depression grew into my heatbeat and soul through her aching womb.

    Over the past 3 years I have had things go from bad to worse and am now living with accute anxiety that can last for days on end.

    i have been off this site for the past 2 weeks as i was so doped out on medication i have been like in a comatozed state and unable to function.

    Loss has alos played a huge part in my life.

    It amounted to un natural levels back in the late 80s and 90s and was followed late in the 90s by the loss of my one and only loving partner and soul mate.

    In my stuggles over the past year i have attempted to take me away from this world twice due to what i belived was now a selfish and uncaring society where i had no value anymore

    On 2 other ocassions i also accidently during my anxiety fits over medicated and was neeing hospital treatment and more pshyciatric help, which i also feel so let down by , to me no one seems to understand the extent of how bad anxiety and depression lay within us and distort the truth which amounts to us not feeling valued any more and not having any real want or desire to stay living on earth.

    But the truth has shown me time and time again that i am better than that , that this is my journey and my battle and through my years of battling i have all the attributes of a mighty warrior who can and will fight on.

    i totally understand what you are saying when saying goodbye to the world and you feel at peace now inside you have chosen to end your own life soon.

    I have had many of these thoughts but please listen to me when I proclaim to you that what you think and feel right now is a LIE and deception to its full entirety.

    I need you mate , I value you , and your knowledge and I also really know what it is to be in contact with others , people just like yourself.

    Thats why I am simply asking you to read between my lines of what possibly sounds like jumble to yourself right now and get a tiny grip of your real importance and value .

    You are my strenth as I am yours, and it is only when we link in with each other that we have a real chance to overcome every foe, every fight and battle we take on even when the odds are against us we have the most incredible chance to hold on and survive the onslaught of lies and decpetion that enters into our thoughts .

    I ask you not to give into this.

    My battle continues daily, next week I am in a 4 hour trial where i have to face many false d wicked allegations made about my personal self where i am told that i am a nuisance and violent pshcopathic problem to all my neighbors, I am facing eviciton and cant bear the thought of homelessness while i not only struggle with mental disability but have 3 other real physical acute health issues that require a lot of attention.

    I am unsure where the strength will come from on the day at the trial next week but all i know is I am indeed that mighty warrior like yourself and have the capability like little David did in the bible parable of defeating the Giant that is attempting to rob me of who I really am inside.

    Stay with us Stephen , ask for help again, its ok to do that, i do it all the time today.

    And then use this page to write to us and tell us exactly how it is.

    We are not all alone we are all in this together even though nopt in the physical sense.

    I need you mate like you need me.

    Dont remain on the outside.

    I am proud of how honest you have been in what you have spoken about.

    let me rimind you one last time

    You are Valued , you are as important as the person next to you.

    I look forward to hearing back from yourself and to re assured you are still with us in this personal struggle we all are having to cope with.

    Thanks fellow Warrior

    PJ

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