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I fell pregnant in Sept 2014 (unplanned). I didn't want more kids as I had a bad experience after my son was born 9 years ago. I had dizziness, feeling of sleeping and never waking up again, panic attacks etc. I took a long time to recover. So when I feel pregnant (after 9 years) my husband told my son he is going to be a big brother and he got so excited and I didnt have the heart to abort the pregnancy as I saw how happy he was. I was scared to go through with it considering how it was when my son was born but decided to do it anyway for the sake of my son. In November 2014 I had a feeling in my right ear that I was losing my hearing so I made an appointment with an ENT. He did tests but never told me my hearing in my right ear was bad, he just kept quiet. I was so stupid and didnt even ask him what the tests showed. He just gave me drops to put in my ear. I went home and put the drops one day and the next day I would put olive oil and kept this going for a week. However I felt this blockage was getting worse but didnt think anything about it. I had tinnitus in my right ear previous to this for about 2 years. It wasnt something I even noticed because it only happened at work when I was stressed but other than that I never noticed it so I didnt worry too much. At the end of Dec 2014 I woke up one morning with this terrible noise in my right ear which scared the sh*t out of me. I was so scared you would not believe it. I also had this fullness in my right ear as if someone stuffed cotton wool in it. I thought it would go away but a week later it was still there only this time I had a noise in the centre of my head by my nose, a different static sound. I was getting more scared by this time. Then at the beginning of Jan 2015 I had a miscarriage. The noise however still remained. I then went for an MRI and CT scan at the end of January 2015, all clear. I then did blood tests, all clear. I then went for a CT Angiogram and was told there is a narrow blood vessel at the back of my head on the right side but that they are not sure if this is causing the noise. I was advised to "just live with it" as they could not put a stent in as there is a huge risk of a stroke. My doctor then called me in and said that it "could" be tinnitus and there is nothing they can do about it. I have been depressed since that day. Its almost 7 months now and I cry so often as I miss my "normal" life when I didn't have this freaking thing !! I am so suicidal and I don't know what to do. I almost jumped off the building today where I work but I keep thinking about my son. If it wasn't for him I would be dead right now. How do I cope and live with this forever. What if I live until a 100 years old, OMG, how will I manage with it until I die. I don't think I can do this. I am so depressed and yes I saw a psychiatrist and a psychologist and 4 different ENT doctors, GP's, Audiologists etc etc. I am so sick and tired of doctors, hospitals etc. My life has been and is still hell for the last 7 months. I cannot sleep like I used to. I used to sleep "like dead". Now when I wake up at 3am I cannot get back to sleep like I used to. To top it all off I moved to a new house in Sept 2014 and I am homesick for my old house as there I was healthy with no tinnitus and happy. Now I am miserable in a home I hate. PLEASE PLEASE anyone help me. What must I do to cope ?
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