Tinnitus driving me to suicide
Posted , 38 users are following.
I fell pregnant in Sept 2014 (unplanned). I didn't want more kids as I had a bad experience after my son was born 9 years ago. I had dizziness, feeling of sleeping and never waking up again, panic attacks etc. I took a long time to recover. So when I feel pregnant (after 9 years) my husband told my son he is going to be a big brother and he got so excited and I didnt have the heart to abort the pregnancy as I saw how happy he was. I was scared to go through with it considering how it was when my son was born but decided to do it anyway for the sake of my son. In November 2014 I had a feeling in my right ear that I was losing my hearing so I made an appointment with an ENT. He did tests but never told me my hearing in my right ear was bad, he just kept quiet. I was so stupid and didnt even ask him what the tests showed. He just gave me drops to put in my ear. I went home and put the drops one day and the next day I would put olive oil and kept this going for a week. However I felt this blockage was getting worse but didnt think anything about it. I had tinnitus in my right ear previous to this for about 2 years. It wasnt something I even noticed because it only happened at work when I was stressed but other than that I never noticed it so I didnt worry too much. At the end of Dec 2014 I woke up one morning with this terrible noise in my right ear which scared the sh*t out of me. I was so scared you would not believe it. I also had this fullness in my right ear as if someone stuffed cotton wool in it. I thought it would go away but a week later it was still there only this time I had a noise in the centre of my head by my nose, a different static sound. I was getting more scared by this time. Then at the beginning of Jan 2015 I had a miscarriage. The noise however still remained. I then went for an MRI and CT scan at the end of January 2015, all clear. I then did blood tests, all clear. I then went for a CT Angiogram and was told there is a narrow blood vessel at the back of my head on the right side but that they are not sure if this is causing the noise. I was advised to "just live with it" as they could not put a stent in as there is a huge risk of a stroke. My doctor then called me in and said that it "could" be tinnitus and there is nothing they can do about it. I have been depressed since that day. Its almost 7 months now and I cry so often as I miss my "normal" life when I didn't have this freaking thing !! I am so suicidal and I don't know what to do. I almost jumped off the building today where I work but I keep thinking about my son. If it wasn't for him I would be dead right now. How do I cope and live with this forever. What if I live until a 100 years old, OMG, how will I manage with it until I die. I don't think I can do this. I am so depressed and yes I saw a psychiatrist and a psychologist and 4 different ENT doctors, GP's, Audiologists etc etc. I am so sick and tired of doctors, hospitals etc. My life has been and is still hell for the last 7 months. I cannot sleep like I used to. I used to sleep "like dead". Now when I wake up at 3am I cannot get back to sleep like I used to. To top it all off I moved to a new house in Sept 2014 and I am homesick for my old house as there I was healthy with no tinnitus and happy. Now I am miserable in a home I hate. PLEASE PLEASE anyone help me. What must I do to cope ?
9 likes, 108 replies
sandra56989 shabs40533
Posted
Hi Shabina, It's been over a year since your post so I am hoping that you have found some way to become comfortable and accept your tinnitus. I appreciate how you feel and it is perfectly natural. Having lived with tinnitus for nearly 30 years I have found lots of things that help me. I find meditation works as it helps to relax and de-stress. Stress is a major factor with tinnitus. I have heard someone say 'how can I meditate with all this noise going on?'. Admittedly it isn't easy but worth persisting with. Head massage is good as are the noise machines at night and maskers during the day. Tinnitus groups are good as well. You will get support from other sufferers and helpful advice from professionals. You will find your way through but it will take time. The most difficult thing for me to come to terms with is that I will never know peace and quiet again, I now have tinnitus in both ears, but fighting it does not work. It has to be accepted and one day you will suddenly realise that you hadn't noticed it for a few seconds. These few seconds will turn into hour as you start to hear beyond the noise. I will happily listen to you or anyone else who are struggling with coming to terms with tinnitus as sometimes all that is needed is for someone to understand, believe and listen.Good luck and love.
dazzer1066 shabs40533
Posted
I know exactly what your feeling, I've had tinnitus now for 3 years and to be honest, it's hell on Earth.
Haven't slept well since I've had it, had depression, episodes of anxiety, but I have three great kids and a wife, and I know it's hard to cope with it especially at night when it's quite, but you must for the sake of your family, My best advice for you is keep busy busy busy, to take it of your mind and for sleep I take a nitol sleeping tablet now and then to get some sleep, But it's hard to explain to others that don't have the condition, This will be your biggest test of strength, you can do it just be strong and keep busy. Regards Dazzler
sandra56989 dazzer1066
Posted
The machine makes all sorts of noise so you can choose which you find most favourable. I still stick to white noise. The trick is to keep the sound level the same as your tinnitus or preferably, slightly lower. This way you are listening for the sound of the machine through your tinnitus. Some people enjoy the rado but I find the talking in between the music always disturbs.
Maybe this is something you might like to try. I am always happy to chat with anybody if they feel they need someone to talk to. It might just help. Good luck
Ver. shabs40533
Posted
Hi, I read your post and can totally feel your pain. I am suffering the same way. This has made me totally disabled to be unable to function normally in life and I'm still put through suffering. This happened to me immediately from ear surgery...woke up with chronic roaring, pressurizing and thumps. Sometimes clicks. The roaring is what's killing me as its 24/7 vibratory preventing me to be able to focus normally or sleep. Any physical movement increases it in the ear. I have some info. that I've read overtime searching for answers, that I think may help you based on how yours started. Maybe it's resolved now? I hope you will still be able to reply... -V.
gem79162 shabs40533
Posted
Hi Shabs, I realise this was a while ago but I’m 40 and my tinnitus is making me suicidal! I have a son that I’m ashamed to say I havnt been able to interact with over the last two weeks, I’m scared to death of what sound will come next and will miss my wedding anniversary to Venice next week . My husband is taking my son instead as I do nothing but cry and read forums trying to cope! I’d love to actually meet someone who’s suffering too, I just feel so alone,
Gemma
Patient gem79162
Posted
Hi gem79162
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
belltech1275 shabs40533
Posted
Suffer from essential thrombocythemia, excruciating chronic back pain, arthritis, have trouble sleeping because of the tinnitus. Somedays the tinnitus is really bad like today, and find it hard to deal with. Wish I had good news for you about tinnitus but there isn't. Try to keep your mind busy. Yoga and meditation can help you relax. Take care.
kailash40667 shabs40533
Posted