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Tinnitus driving me to suicide

Posted , 38 users are following.

shabs40533
shabs40533

I fell pregnant in Sept 2014 (unplanned).  I didn't want more kids as I had a bad experience after my son was born 9 years ago.  I had dizziness, feeling of sleeping and never waking up again, panic attacks etc.  I took a long time to recover.  So when I feel pregnant (after 9 years) my husband told my son he is going to be a big brother and he got so excited and I didnt have the heart to abort the pregnancy as I saw how happy he was.  I was scared to go through with it considering how it was when my son was born but decided to do it anyway for the sake of my son.  In November 2014 I had a feeling in my right ear that I was losing my hearing so I made an appointment with an ENT.  He did tests but never told me my hearing in my right ear was bad, he just kept quiet.  I was so stupid and didnt even ask him what the tests showed.  He just gave me drops to put in my ear.  I went home and put the drops one day and the next day I would put olive oil and kept this going for a week.  However I felt this blockage was getting worse but didnt think anything about it.  I had tinnitus in my right ear previous to this for about 2 years.  It wasnt something I even noticed because it only happened at work when I was stressed but other than that I never noticed it so I didnt worry too much.  At the end of Dec 2014 I woke up one morning with this terrible noise in my right ear which scared the sh*t out of me.  I was so scared you would not believe it.  I also had this fullness in my right ear as if someone stuffed cotton wool in it.  I thought it would go away but a week later it was still there only this time I had a noise in the centre of my head by my nose, a different static sound.  I was getting more scared by this time.  Then at the beginning of Jan 2015 I had a miscarriage.  The noise however still remained.  I then went for an MRI and CT scan at the end of January 2015, all clear.  I then did blood tests, all clear.  I then went for a CT Angiogram and was told there is a narrow blood vessel at the back of my head on the right side but that they are not sure if this is causing the noise.  I was advised to "just live with it" as they could not put a stent in as there is a huge risk of a stroke.  My doctor then called me in and said that it "could" be tinnitus and there is nothing they can do about it.  I have been depressed since that day.  Its almost 7 months now and I cry so often as I miss my "normal" life when I didn't have this freaking thing !!  I am so suicidal and I don't know what to do.  I almost jumped off the building today where I work but I keep thinking about my son.  If it wasn't for him I would be dead right now.  How do I cope and live with this forever.  What if I live until a 100 years old, OMG, how will I manage with it until I die.  I don't think I can do this.  I am so depressed and yes I saw a psychiatrist and a psychologist and 4 different ENT doctors, GP's, Audiologists etc etc.  I am so sick and tired of doctors, hospitals etc.  My life has been and is still hell for the last 7 months.  I cannot sleep like I used to.  I used to sleep "like dead". Now when I wake up at 3am I cannot get back to sleep like I used to.  To top it all off I moved to a new house in Sept 2014 and I am homesick for my old house as there I was healthy with no tinnitus and happy.  Now I am miserable in a home I hate.  PLEASE PLEASE anyone help me.  What must I do to cope ? 

9 likes, 108 replies

108 Replies

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  • leanne08979
    leanne08979 shabs40533

    Posted

    Hi shabina, I no how you feel I'm 27 and my tinnitus is so loud I can't focus on anything else, I have 3 young kids to look after its really hard work.

    I'm suicidal everyday I wonted more kids in the future but I have been rob of that, kids have been deprived of a mum.

    I'm no longer myself I have no joy in anything I used to love, now Christmas is here witch I used to love it's going to be a chap one.

    my partner doesn't really think it's a big deal he's not helpful at all.

    I wish I had a friend with tinnitus so we could support each other.

    • Eduardo_Maneli
      Eduardo_Maneli leanne08979

      Posted

      Hi Leanne. Me too a big time loud T sufferer. Last summer I thought ,,,this was it and felt I couldn't go on any more.....I have a constant loud hiss feels like an aerosol going off next to my right ear. Like you don't feel anyone understands. I went to my doc and thankfully he prescribed me some ADs(anti depressants)some diazepam and a few Zopliclone which had changed my life around. Go to your doc Leanne and explain. You should have what is available to help you . I 've had it 10 years from loud exposure to music. Good luck and keep in touch

      All the best

      Gary.

    • Eduardo_Maneli
      Eduardo_Maneli leanne08979

      Posted

      I too have bad tinnitus gel. Had it since I was 52 I'm now 60. I go through dark periods which at times will drive me to the edge and I have contemplated ending my life.... many times.....but when it came down to it I was a cowerd just looking for attention perhaps. Didn't get any except through my GP who is brilliant and understands my pain suffering and desperation. Not many of these guys around !!
  • melodie66392
    melodie66392 shabs40533

    Posted

    Hello.  I am new to this, but I already know just how you feel.  Mine is a bit different, but still a terrible torture to live with.  I saw my GP, who put me on a Z-Pak antibiotic, and sent me to an ENT.  He did some hearing tests, asked me to do some exercises with him (I think to see if I showed signs of a tumor), and told me he believes it's due to age.  (I'm 59).  I don't think he is completely correct.  If that were the case, wouldn't everyone at my age have this?  I think something caused the damage.  The bottom line is it's there and how it got there no longer matters.  I feel depressed already and hopeless.  I know my life will change now.  But I am hearing from some others with this (here) who are giving me reason to hope.  One thing is to learn how to put it on the "back burner" so it's not the first thing we hear.  This isn't going to be easy, but you and I both know we have reasons to keep living.  We have people we love and who love us AND need us.  I have 6 children and 4 grandchildren.  They are my world.  they are what keep me going.  If you need a friend, I'm here.  I just said to someone that I'm hoping I can be a help to someone else because I hate being the center of the attention.  If you just need someone to cry on a shoulder, or talk to, I'm here.  You don't have to go through this alone.  None of us do.
  • jaime95134
    jaime95134 shabs40533

    Posted

    How have you been doing?
    • melodie66392
      melodie66392 jaime95134

      Posted

      I am doing alright. It's there all the time but I keep busy so I don't focus on it so much. I keep reminding myself that I don't have time for it. Life is to live and I refuse to give in to it. Plus I've found so many other people who also live with this. It's crazy. How are you coping?
  • barbara79700
    barbara79700 shabs40533

    Posted

    I feel extraordinarily lucky, in some respects, that I was 59 years old when tinnitus struck. I had 59 years without it.....

    The day before I went off on a retirement cruise to the Faroe islands I was just

    messing about on my computer, googling stuff about the Faroes, when I got a sort of whistling in my left ear. I thought not much about it, because I'd had it before after taking aspirin, or having a cold. So I dismissed it without any worry.

    But the next morning, it hadn't gone away. And it didn't even go away the next morning, or the morning after that. Three years later it still hasn't gone away.

    It completely ruined that holiday, because it made me stressed and anxious.

    I can remember sitting in the back of that cruise ship, on outside tables, in the warmth of the sun, but just hearing this awful loud whistling in my left ear.

    I stared up at the beautiful clear blue sky. And I thought "This is just so perfect.

    It's our 30th wedding anniversary. It's a special day"

    But that bloody tinnitus had kicked in, and it really ruined it, I couldn't settle and I could not sleep.And I was also a bit scared because the chirruping in my ear was

    really quite loud.   It's my lasting memory of my 30th Wedding Anniversary!!

    30th Wedding anniversary = Massive tinnitus attack.

    Having said all that, You can forget it for minutes or hours at a time.

    For myself, I've actually gone well over an hour without hearing my tinnitus.

    Best wishes to you x x

     

  • king_fisher
    king_fisher shabs40533

    Posted

    I'm 17 and I have had tinnitus in both my ears my whole life, although my hearing seems to be above average, it seems that the screeching is growing louder with every day, anyways I've learned to just ignore it, sometimes i even forget its there, it's more of a backround sound now, tobe honest, for a while i thought everyone could hear this sound, that was until a year ago, since i made it this far i might as well just ive with it, remember, the key is to ignore it and keep moving
    • ray15986
      ray15986 king_fisher

      Posted

      Its hard to ignore it when its loud, it automaticly redirects you ack to it, you fall into that vicious circle everytime, i just came back from my ENT and i had a celestone shot, i also got actron for inflamation and pain, tabonin(ginko) and a antibiotic for a little infection i have in my throat and a bit of allergie, i feel the same, my tinnitus is just as loud but hopefully it can decrease a little with all the meds, im fine but just a little anxious because of the noise, i hope you all get a little relief.
  • james52164
    james52164 shabs40533

    Posted

    I'm going though a similar situation.  Tinnitus a week after I moved into a new house.

    That was 3 months ago and the rinning hasn't stoppped.  I hope you are doing better, I truely feel your pain.

  • bertram14756
    bertram14756 shabs40533

    Posted

    For all reading this (posting or not) who are having suicidal thoughts, there is help available. Look up the Samaritans (UK) or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US), these are 24/7, toll free services that will connect you to a counselor. If you are outside the US and UK, more hotlines, sorted by country, can be found on the wikipedia page entitled "List of suicide crisis lines".

  • james52164
    james52164 shabs40533

    Posted

    Shabs, I hope you are doing better.  I had this T for over 4 months and almosted killed myslef a few times.  I endured for my kids and hope to habituate and move on.   There are a few working for a cure but no enough. Auris Medical is having some interesting trials so maybe one day we can have our lives back.
    • shabs40533
      shabs40533 james52164

      Posted

      Hi James and everyone else reading this.

      ?I haven't posted in a long time but good news everyone, its now almost 2 years since my tinnitus started and I can say that I finally habituated.  I was like everyone else with tinnitus.  I was in pain, had dizzy spells, headaches etc. and have tried committing suicide.  I am alive now because of my son.  He keeps me going.  I was put on anti-depressents and a generic to Xanax which helped me a lot.  I am off the meds now for a long time and I am coping well on my own.  Most of the time I ignore my tinnitus and I sleep very well.  When I first had it I used to only sleep 2 hours a night but now I get a full 8 hours of sleep and sometimes more .....lol !    I, like everyone else with tinnitus hope someday soon there is a cure but until then I am not going to let it stop me from living my life.  I will fight tooth and nail just to keep going for the sake of my child.  I have come a long way from where I started and I am proud of myself for getting this far.  So to everyone suffering from this terrible thing all I can say to you is don't lose hope and just continue with your life as normal.  Eventually you won't even notice the noise and it wouldn't bother you as much.  Trust me I have been there.

      ?James, I totally understand how you feel.  I have been there myself and it is not easy at all.  It was the worst time of my life.  I never thought I would be able to carry on with the rest of my life with this awful sound.  It really took a toll on my work and my family.  You will get better but it takes time.  I wish you all the best.  Should you ever need to chat I am always here to listen.  Take care.

       

  • Shazi1
    Shazi1 shabs40533

    Posted

    Hi Shabs40533 ,

    Has this issue now resolved for you ? I had a smilies experience ... I would like to share my experience if it will help you.

  • h60199
    h60199 shabs40533

    Posted

    Hello,

    When I first discovered I had tinnitus I thought I was going to go

    nuts.

    I searched for natural remedies and cures on the internet so I would

    suggest you do the same to find something that works for you.

    Make sure you consult with your doctor first before taking anything.

    This is what helped my symptoms.

    I take melatonin (which also can make you sleepy) and advil gel cap.

    I also take zyrtec for allergies (gel capsules work better and faster for me) which also triggers my tinnitus.

    Also try white noise.

    I also took aspirin once a week to get rid of the fullness feeling in my ear.

    I hope you find this helpful.

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