Tiny Tears

Hope you have a better day today Katy.

For you -

[img:b0559a8ec0]http://img129.imageshack.us/img129/8936/rosesbowxz1.gif[/img:b0559a8ec0]

Melbi x

:D Awe, thank you...where did you find them? So pretty!!!!!

I was having a bad morning with partner...he told me to shut up , eff off and that I am the one that is hurting everyone! Felt like ...running and jumping of a cliff...[b]but then I logged on and :shock: :shock: saw your lovely message THANK YOU, Melbi!!! :lol:

(Oh yeah...the funniest thing...watching silly old Jeremy Kyle this morning oh this made me laugh...before my partner got out of bed.... he syas to these silly people....\"I just think I am from a different planet\". I dont know ...nobody laughed, but I just thought it funny :lol: :lol: :lol:

There soo sweet (the flowers), I think its funny :lol: I have flowers and no one else knows it! 8) That is apart from you lovely people.

Anyway, I was just wondering...does anyone else get sore kdneys? :?:

God...that man!!!! What a moan!!!! On and On and I cant get away. He gives this scary look ...al the time!!!! What I cant stand, most of all, is that other people, think he is a nice polite pleasant guy!!! :cry: :cry: Are you sur eits not me thats the abuser here????? It hurts soo bad that I gave him the best part of my life...and this is [b:a51f67caec]it!!!!!

Oh and gues whose birthday it is on mothers day! (40)[/b:a51f67caec]

Glad you like the flowers Katy.

I guess you will be getting lots more on Mothers Day.

Your birthday too?

The big 40!

Will you being doing anything special to celebrate?

I'm really struggling to take this citalopram in a morning, mainly because there is no way can I eat first thing. I just gag on it. All I can manage is a couple of cups of coffee. So I'm not able to take the tablet until closer to lunchtime.

Has anyone tried taking it on an empty stomach?

No Melbi, its not my birthday, Its his!!! Im not there yet!!! but thanks!!! I might be lucky to get the odd slap.. :cry: :cry:

My daughter and granddaughter are living with me at the moment due to him beating her up while she was pregnant.

Is there nowhere you could go until you find a place of your own?

Sorry Melbi, I was not payin attention! Yes I have taken this pill on an empty tummy, I find it hard to eat int he morning to, so I take it at night and sleep the nausea away...though Ive only recently started to sleep again. Hope I have helped you! Luv, Tiny Tears.

[b:82feadbe6a]Ginantonic 16...good luck for tom!!!

I am nervous too!

Robbiefan hope you are managing to keep on going...I will try and find more CBT stuff like the last one :lol:

Melbie, hope you are okay to...thank you for today, Tiny Taers [/b:82feadbe6a]

Good luck for today - will be thinking about you.

Remember head high, shoulders back (nipples out - well not literally) some deep breathes and you will do brilliant.

Love

Melbi x

Melbi....had to look at your lovely flowers agin to try AND CHEER UP!!

hOW DID IT GO AT THE DOCTORS? Hope it went okay?

Luv and hugs Tiny tears.

Hi Katy

I showed the letter to my doctor and she said like you and others have said that it is just policy and not to take it personally. She has no intentions of letting me go back to work yet and gave me another sick note for 2 weeks then mentioned something about in 2 weeks starting to take small steps - I didn't ask her what she meant (I'm stupid like that)

She ressured me that after everything I have been through over the last 11 months it would be worrying if I hadnt been affected by them and is surprised I coped so long without help.

I mentioned the alpha cd and she seemed pleased and reckons they are good - wonder why she didn't mention them to me.

She hasn't increased the dose as she reckons all these feelings I am experiencing are caused by the tablets and it isn't me getting worse, so wants me to stay at the 10 mg dose for another 2 weeks.

Asked me again if I had any thoughts of self harm - reassured her that I didn't. I guess the overdose I took 16/17 years ago will haunt me for the rest of my life when it comes to being prescribed any kind of tablet.

I asked if she would prescribe something for the muscular pains in my neck, shoulders and back but she wouldnt and said I should soon start to feel more relaxed on the citalopram then the pain will ease. If it gets really bad try a couple of paracetamol.

I have received an email from a colleague this evening too - at first I had terrible thoughts that my boss had asked her to email and see if she could find anything out - I hate this paranoia - I really do. I have worked with these people for years and we quite often have some brilliant nights out. They are my friends aswell as colleagues so why do I feel they have all turned against me.

Anyway, I thought sod it and if he is spying on me so what! I replied with a very lengthy email and described in quite a detailed manner how I was feeling, how I wasn't coping and how I wish I had asked for help from my GP a lot sooner.

I'm suffering from anxiety for very good reasons - he can't hold that against me - can he?

Right at this moment in time I am feeling pretty chilled out - even tired. Not mentally exhausted like I have been feeling - just chilled to the point I feel relaxed enough to sleep.

I have even managed to watch a whole TV programme without being distracted or my mind drifting onto my life (or rather my messy life).

Everyone has gone to bed and it's peaceful - relaxing. Yes, I'm feeling relaxed :D

I even feel a bit hungry :roll: Why can't I feel hungry during the day lol. Some good eating at this time of the night is going to do me! Still, better to rid the feelings of hunger than try and sleep hungry.

Sorry it has takern me so long to reply. I have had this site open for at least an hour but I was watching TV...... me relaxed enough to watch TV....must be months and months ago since I did that!

I've also realised today just how long I have been struggling along alone with these feelings. Or rather I have started to see that all the symptoms I have been experiencing for months have been anxiety - I ignored it and pushed myself on and on. I suppose it was inevitable that I would have to crack sooner or later. Just wish it hadn't happened while socialising with my friends and colleagues.

I dont regret that night though - not now. It probably did me a favour - I woulod probably still be struggling alone had I not had that drink that Friday night. It took my friends and colleagues to see me in such a bad way to realise how bad I am and then for them to tell me to go and see my doctor.

Wondering now what I can make to eat. Something light enough for this time of the night but substantial enough to keep the hunger at bay.

More decisions - decisions seem to difficult at the moment.

How are you feeling now Katy?

Melbi x

hey hun, I got your message about work. Yep, though I was only part time , my work was important to me..but , och it just went sour!!! My work , my (well who I thought were friends just looked stunned when I started to rant on about how bady their staff policies were, and how unfair it was to target students and the retired with their 18.9% apr. I was just ssoooooooooo against pushing that nonsense, Ihad worked with them for 3 years before they stated to push that nonsense in my face. My boss also kept asking me , why I was soo harassed, eventually I told her that I had been stalked and the last place I wanted to be positioned was front of shop , guarding windows. (I do not think she understood!).

[b:add8412a53]In the face of darkness, Melbi, I do not think people understand, every winter for the last maybe 3 to 4 years I have curled up in the fetile postion hoping my sordid thoughts would just dissapear. it is all sooo haunting, and not unlike you, I want get my head round the fact I ignored it for sooooooooo long , and managed to have children! Its soooo not good , but give yourself a pat on the back...you have just recently had a baby....you are not feeling so good.soo youare allowed to take it easy. (If I could find you lovely flowers..I will post them your way), take care, chin up and....the rest, luv Tiny Tears[/b:add8412a53]